"The new device is an improvement over the old device, making it more attractive for purchase by all Americans," said Thomas Wakefield, a spokesperson for the large conglomerate that manufactures the new device. "The old device is no longer sufficient. Consumers should no longer have any use or longing for the old device."
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New Study Reveals Most Children Unrepentant Sociopaths, another Onion article.
"According to the Hare Psychopathy Checklist, a clinical diagnostic tool, sociopaths often display superficial charm, pathological lying, manipulative behaviors, and a grandiose sense of self-importance. After observing 700 children engaged in everyday activities, Mateo and his colleagues found that 684 exhibited these behaviors at a severe or profound level."
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Also found via tOP: Thom's camera predictions. He always has some interesting observations.
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And one more: need a space camera? Only little used, but quite expensive.-------
tOP was full of good links today, here is one about the UK police being admonished about unjustified harassment of photographers.
4 comments:
"said Tim Sturges, owner of the old device, which he obtained 18 months ago when it was still the new device."
Another brilliant Onion article, especially in the digital age.
I encourage the crackdown on these douchebags. People don't want to have to worry about being photographed when they go out. Should they become shutins because a bunch of wannabes insist on walking around town taking pictures? Bust them up and smash their cameras. England is already well on its way to being a police state anyway.
"England is already well on its way to being a police state anyway."
Yeah, might as well accept it openly and quit being hypocritical about it!
I recomment the Judge Dredd approach: acknowledge by Law that police officers are warranted to judge and execute photographers on the spot. Oh, and jail their camera for 100 years, no parole. Of course. Since the camera is (wait for it)... an ACCESSORY to the crime!
About children: actually, this trait is not only well known, but also officially accepted by Psychology specialists as a normal phase of childhood during the personality building.
Still, they're dangerous, so I recommend appointing by law at least one, or ideally two adults, who can order them around as long as they remain pathological like that. Oh, and make laws forbidding all children (just to be on the safe side!) to drive a car, drink alcohol, vote, run for political office, own a firearm or get married. I think that's basic precaution. Treat them like irresponsible potential criminals!!! Oh, and send them to special "educational structures", like Stalin did, to "teach them how to become proper citizens".
Then, after they graduate from their brainwa... "education", we should of course give them guns and tell them to go shoot all photographers not wearing a police uniform.
Including their own parents if they try to... SHOOT them (so it's actually self-defense, right?) during their junior football school matches.
The recipe for Paradise. "Trust the Ministry of Love."
This one's also quite efficiently satirical: "U.S. Finally Gets Around To Prosecuting Mastermind Behind 9/11"
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