Thursday, August 03, 2006

My next film

People are asking about my next film, and since a lot of stuff has already been leaked on aintitcool.com, I may as well fill in a few blank spots:

1: The rumors are true, Dakota Fanning will play the Innocent Sister.
We'll need state of the art aging technology, since Dakota is 12, and IS is about 33. But Dakota has stated to Celluloid Magazine: "I am confident that first class acting and a big helping of Suspension of Disbelief on the part of the audience will help us over this hurdle."

2: Bono has pledged to do a song for it.
He says he wants it to be a madrigal. Not an obvious choice for a space opera adventure, but we'll make it work.

3: It will be five hours long.
No intermissions. The audience today don't like being pampered. We'll only sell small drinks in the theatre bar.

4: It will be filmed on mini-DVD and Hi-8.
This will provide a nice contrast with the $40M effects budget.

5: Working title: "A Boy and His Dog".
Charles Schulz' estate has sued us, but we don't think they have a case. Harlan Ellison has not commented.

6: Taking a page from the success of Lord of the Rings (which admittedly I did not care for), we will release the DVD in six different versions, spaced out with two months between them.
The Christmas edition will have everybody in santa hats.

7: Neil Gaiman is working on the script.
I have said to him: "Neil, it is a space opera. No faeries, please!" But we'll see how it turns out.

8: Marlon Brando was supposed to play the hero's long dead father, but it turns out (ironically) that Brando himself is dead.
Our computer animation department is working on a digital version of him, but I want him in his later years, and they are having trouble finding enough pixels to render him.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

So, Dakota Fanning is the name of this heavenly angel face? Mega-triple-decker-zowie! I don't care if she's 12 or 33, a film with her and by Eolake Stobblehouse, I'll watch any day.

I'd even buy the DVD's legal copy. Which, in Lebanon, is no small feat! Since bootleg is available everywhere for less than five bucks. (Well, at least it was before the war...)

Incidentally, as soon as I saw Emma Watson in the first Harry Potter movie, I loved her face too. Not very fitting for the officially bland Hermione, but who cares? Then, in the ball scene from Goblet of Fire, I was barely surprised to see her as Cinderella's competition. Because all along, I knew she was cute. I feel she also has personnality, and it's not just her character.

P.S.: Eolake, I heard that Jabba the Hutt needs less pixels than Marlon Brando. Of course, you get what you pay for...

Eolake Stobblehouse said...

Dakota's talent and mind totally belie her size and age. See almost anything she has done, for example the maxi-series "Taken".
She is one of those wonderful kids who have all the professionalism of the best adults, and wisdom, without the gravitas.

Eolake Stobblehouse said...

Which reminds me I better get War of the Worlds. I hadn't watched it yet because it is a Spielberg film, and I consider him waaaay overrated. But I'll watch it for Dakota, and at least is is SF, and Tommy Croose is usually pretty good.

Anonymous said...

She's in WotW? I'm SO getting the DVD now!

Besides, I recently read the novel. For a precursor sci-fi book, I think it was quite good.

As for Spielberg... overrated, he probably is. But overrated doen't always imply bad, of course. I don't worship him, but I think he does okay. T.C. too. It's amazing how some hot-shot actors never get too big a head.

Eolake Stobblehouse said...

Tommy is probably not somebody I'd like to hang out with a lot, but I like most of his movies.

Anonymous said...

War of the Worlds? RUN! Its a horrid film. Dakota screams...and thats it. She is so underused, and yet she still acts better than Tom. Tom runs, and runs. The End. The book is the only way to experience it.

Eolake Stobblehouse said...

Thank you. That is what I expected of the film. Having it confirmed, I will now avoid it.

Anonymous said...

I remember feeling the same about another child actor's lovely face : Lindsay Lohan.

Once, during an image search for her, I found a comment on a site : "I can't wait till she's finally legal and we can see her naked." Well, I really felt this sounded awfully un-DOMAI. Sure, a pretty child (or late teen, at that time) will eventually grow up, and become very sexy. But I feel no hurry. A pretty child can be just a pretty child for the moment. There IS room for innocent beauty in this world, and it is already too brief.

Besides, I get the feeling that fame isn't bringing Lindsay happiness. I sense something about her. I don't want to see her naked ASAP, I want to see her with a truly happy smile, like when she was little in The Parent Trap. I fear her loveable innocence has gone prematurely. (And that's a very carefully chosen word!)

I think exactly like Eolake regarding "Tommy". He's a decent actor when he makes the effort. Does all his own stunts, that's something you have to respect.

Eolake Stobblehouse said...

Having coffee the other day with Tommy and Johnny T, we talked a bit about action films. Jonn said he would like to make more, but he felt he was too heavy and perhaps too old to do his own stunts. "I just can't kick people in the face like you do, Tom," he said.

I said so long as he'd do a bit more dancing for us, I'd be happy.

Indeed Lindsay has a lovely face. And indeed she looks like sh*t the last picture I saw, bleached hair. (I feel sick when people violate lovely red hair.)

I think movie star fame is probably the least healthy environment a person can get into. I think it's nigh impossible to remain a healthy, relaxed, and balanced person when tabloids are on you like flies.

Like Alan Moore said, there are no maps for those dangerous waters.

Anonymous said...

Eolake,

You like redheads, don't you?

"How can anybody not?" -- (Eolake Stobblehouse, beauty lover)

I saw a French movie a few days ago, "Poil de carotte" (Carrot-top), adapted from a classic book. It had some fuul-frontal in it, and not even a parental advisory. Non-sexual nudity is really getting common on French TV. It was also very relevant to the story : a young redhead boy isn't loved by his mother. So, he gets this idea, that he's probably adopted. While talking with his buddy, he thinks of a possible test : if his mother isn't red-headed, then she probably isn't his mom. But he can't find out if she dyes her hair just by asking ("What's it to you, anyway?"), so his only remaining hope of knowing the truth is by checking if she's got a... red "tutu". (Yes, as in ballet.) He manages to see it. And the scene is very funny. Speaking of which, the actress is Fanny Cotençon. ;-)

But I won't tell you whether she's red, I hate giving spoilers. The very authentically redhead kid actor is excellent, I feel. Good movie to my taste, but be warned, it's more of a drana with funny bits.

Anonymous said...

Typo again.

I meant "drama", dran it!

(And PLEASE don't ask me what a fuul-frontal is. Just learn your Dutch, like everybody else.)