This letter just came in, it's mainly a Domai issue, but has broader application, so I'll post it here also, I feel it's quite important.
It's encouraging to know that there are some women out there who understand their gift of beauty. Her flip side of the Domai pledge is as priceless as her beauty, for what good is beauty hidden away?
Every woman I've been lucky enough to be naked with so far has had a hard time believing that I find her beautiful. My current lover tried to hide her tummy because she (barely) has some surgery scars. The one before that couldn't believe I could be attracted to her at all because she's curvy, not skinny. The one before that knows that she has an awesome body, but can't understand why men look at her. She would tell me, "That guy just looked me up and down! Why do men DO that?"
Each one would notice me looking at them and say, "What?" as if she thought that I'd noticed some flaw or blemish. I'd say, "I just like looking at you." Then I'd point out her best features while she'd give me skeptical looks.
With patience and time, a wonderful thing happened. Each woman finally accepted my insistence that she was beautiful. Each one eventually relaxed and even posed for me.
Some of my most cherished memories are of seeing these women blossom before my eyes. It's more than just being comfortable in their own skin, it's a kind of confidence that they are acceptable, valuable, desirable; that it's normal for a man to enjoy looking at them. The more they believed in their own beauty, the more beautiful they became, for my benefit and others, but mostly for their own.
It taught me the importance of acknowledging a woman's beauty for her sake.
Today, in a hardware store, I noticed a stunning brunette walking towards me. She noticed me and closed her coat, looked away, and kind of turned away as she walked past. I was shocked at the volume of her body language, "Don't look at me!" As I recovered from this non-verbal slam, another pretty brunette turned down the aisle. She saw me looking and smiled. She walked a little more upright, put some spring in her step, and caught my eye. I returned her smile and looked her up and down. Returning my gaze to her eyes, her unmistakable unspoken look said, "You're welcome."
Both these women wore wedding rings. I could only wonder what made the difference. I think at some point some man convinced the second one of the value of her beauty. The first obviously didn't have that experience, even from her husband. I felt a little sad for her.
Not only do men need to look, women need to believe they are lookable.
Back to Eolake:
I'm curious about the "That guy just looked me up and down! Why do men DO that?" part. This is not unusual. Doesn't she enjoy looking at a nice hunk herself? And if she does, does she hide it, and why?
I guess the belief is that somehow you're hurting a person by looking at them?