Pascal pointed me to a Roger Ebert
article, and I was reminded of this, which I wrote a couple of years ago:
The world as it works in sitcoms1: When people go to the other side of the room and turn their backs, you can no longer hear what they are saying.
2: When anybody states anything in a firm voice, that statement will immediately be disproved in an ironic way by somebody who happens to walk in at that exact moment.
3: When somebody's cousin visits from out of town, it is a sure bet that she is gorgeous and interesting.
4: When two lovers or friends have a spat, they will part for half an hour, and come back and both will completely have reversed their positions, and their relationship will be stronger than ever.
5: In a sitcom, if a loved one asks for your honest opinion about something even vaguely personal or controversial, you have to lie, even though manifold and painful experience have taught you that this will become a huge and complex drama and you'll have to tell the truth in the end anyway.
6: If a friend discovers that you have a physical abnormality, not only will everybody soon know about it and talk about it, but it will be of colossal importance to all of them.
7: If you have something that others would be interested in knowing about, it is important that you want to keep it secret for as long as possible, so everybody can have a nice, long, complex game of Keeping Secrets and Inventing Lies.
8: It is important that you be totally incapable of hearing any mention of your parents' sex life without going into fits of discomfort and embarrassment.
9: Anybody you know getting involved with a sibling of yours is a Big Deal. It is not important if it is positive or negative, or even both within a minute: but it is Very, Very Big Deal, and you have to blow your top.
10: When a loved one or a person you're dating says something that freaks you out, but you can't show it, that is OK, because that person will at that moment remember something (s)he has to do now, leaving you to discuss it with your friends.
11: Seeing somebody in a swimsuit is just like seeing a person. But seeing somebody naked is the most revolting thing that can happen to you.
12: If you get pregnant out of wedlock, your parents will be humiliated beyond belief and will be telling everybody that you are married, or that you are in a mental institution.
13: If you have an important interview, you will do much better than anybody expected, right until the point where it is officially over, when you will let down your guard and say something incredibly stupid.
- stobblehouse