The last romance I had was with a young, pretty, blonde female doctor, a couple of years ago. She absolutely refused to believe, because I am running a nude pay site, that I am not living the life of a major Casanova. Well, I am not, so maybe I am not qualified to make this statement:
Sex is a lot more boring in real life than in the imagination.
What do you think? Is your experience different?
18 comments:
I think we're conditioned from a fairly young age to expect more from the romantic aspects of life than there usually is to it in reality.
Idealized by Hollywood and by various religions, the everyday reality simply can't meet those unrealistic expectations because we don't have coaches and directors and makeup artists and handlers to make sure everything goes perfectly. We make mistakes, and there are consequences.
In our fantasies, everything goes perfectly, because that's how it is in a fantasy. Unfortunately, real life isn't like that, and if we expect it to be, then we're going to be disappointed.
If you stop at the sex, then it is more boring. There is so much more to romance than the sex. Add in some danger and intrigue, some touching and feeling, and the sex is just a really nice addition to the whole.
I have found sex without romance/love completely empty, and even with that magic it's usually disappointing. Since it mostly happens in the mind anyway it's a good fit for fantasy. I have yet to find a partner that was anywhere near as good as expectation. I'm not talking about "looks" but about the emotional intensity and the physicality of it. Perhaps I'm just stuck with mediocrity like most things in life.
Sex in real life is so much more than it is in your imagination. I can't imagine touches, for example, not really. And I can't imagine that feeling of being with someone else, being that close and trusting each other.
In my experience, sex, like everything else, has a pattern to it.
The first few months with a new partner are wildly exciting. Then things calm down a bit. By the time you've been together a couple of years, you've slipped into a routine that suits both of you. Then something happens; one of you has to spend some time away/you have a child/an illness in the family/etc. And for a while you can't have sex. So then, when you can, it's wildly exciting again.
This pattern keeps on repeating itself with additional layers of familiarity and shared history.
So, if you can wait through the dryer periods, it gets better and better!
Although there's also some truth in this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fmban3Fio14
Chris S. felt depressed...
"I have found sex without romance/love completely empty"
Yo, whatsammattah mon, don'tcha like mah whores? Respect mah hoochie-mamas, dawg! Come on, show me the luv, a'ight?
(Bah!) Nuttin's sacred no mo'e. Not e'en da woild's oldest job
Aww, Eo, you promised not to tell!
And there I almost had everyone convinced I was a chestnut-haired GUY with a goatee from Lebanon.
(Yes, goatees are from Lebanon, didn't you know?)
"Reality's stranger than fiction. Don't you agree, stranger?"
"Idealized by Hollywood and by various religions, the everyday reality simply can't meet those unrealistic expectations"
As opposed to, say, the ideal real lives of those Hollywood celebrities, for instance? ;-)
"Add in some danger and intrigue"
Don't forget the espionnage, the world domination conspiracies, the gunfights and the car chases. NOW you'll be talking great sex.
Blonde. Genuine Blonde. License to shag, baby. Yeah, mojo!
"and even with that magic it's usually disappointing"
Now, come on, buddy, you're starting to scare me here. To me, even a good hug is anything BUT disappointing. And sex added to the magic of love, it's, well, great. Fulfilling. A brush with the Absolute.
Perhaps your mind needs to find the right state (of mind). I fully agree with Hannah on that one.
(Please take note that Hannah wasn't talking about me. We're not "together". There ARE actually other great lovers out there, Believe it or not, I'm not the only one in the Universe. :-)
Speaking of sex, the other day I discovered in a documentary the actual face of Ron Jeremy. Man, I would say that the fat guy's butt ugly, except that I've seen some very pretty butts.
And "no buts about it"! :-)
The guy's ugly like a worn-out porn actor. Yeah, now THAT's about the best image I can give. "Be like Ron Jeremy", these e-mails offer me. Heavens, why would I ever want that?
Sorry, Pimp Daddy, but your ho'es better throw in some sweet-talkin' or I ain't buyin'. There's a minimum requirement for "comfort of the lonely man". All pro ho'es know, yo.
I wouldn't quite agree with Pascal's comment of "A brush with the Absolute." But it's a chance to simply be. Experience. No facades, no silly political games. Just you and the other person and the wonderful things you can do together. There's something amazing about it (with the right partner) that I've never experienced elsewhere.
Well, of course, sex isn't always that "cosmic". Even one as gifted as myself can have some off days... ;-)
In no way discounting an active imagination, but nothing I've ever imagined has ever come close to the real thing.
Depends on who you ask. I think it's all in good fun, but yeah, it is a bit over-rated. Hardly worth obsessing over the way most people do.
Yeah... a bit like pot, innit?
Yeah, and money and fame and all the other goofy things grown-ups think are important.
Jes,
You said it, kiddo. ;-)
Most people obsess over it, because most people are frustrated about it. Either in quantity, or in quality, or from lack of some fundamental understanding of it.
Lure of the unknown and/or the forbidden, this sort of thing. Always a sure recipe for fascination.
Maybe this is why some people are so attracted to danger and risk taking.
Try teasing your cat that way: move a finger underneath a sheet or blanket, and watch how suddenly it becomes an irresistible thing of interest and temptation that "I've just GOT to pounce on it".
P.S.: I'm not paying for your band-aids. One has to suffer in the name of scientific discovery.
Nowhere, probably, is the result of this ignorant obsession more clear than here in the Middle East, where so many men are brought up as pathetic culturally repressed. And then their attitudes towards women are a view that a Homo neanderthalensis would find embarrassing.
"Romance? Who needs to be romantic, when I know how irresistible I am? [BURP!] C'mere, sweet cheeks! [whistle] Lookit me, I'm right here. [wink-wink] Yeah, poor shy things are all crazy about me, too bad they're so intimidated by my animal charm."
Maybe the same difference as the one between dreaming of a car and owning a car ? Or any other thing one wants to reach or own in this life ?
***
After I separated from the first boyfriend with whom I had this kind of relationship, I was wondering how it will be possible ever to do the same thing with somebody else.
Later I realized it is totally different with each person.
***
It is funny, if I read the word "romance", I don't think sex. It is well, spending time together in a romantic atmosphere...
***
We experience the world through our cognitive system, our brain. There is maybe not much difference between giving sexual input through 3 dimensional or 2 dimensional women.
With a 3 dimensional, you get a lot of optional *benefits*, like eating together, laughing together, expressing and getting tenderness. But if these are not important or if a person gets these from other sources, 2D women are quite a good option. :-)
Especially with an overpopulated planet...
Sorry, Eolake, your story just reminded me my grandma's story.
She was spending her days sitting in a sofa drawing faces. Faces, faces and faces, one after the other, on A4 sheets of paper. There were kilograms left after she died.
She disliked human beings other than herself. After having spent her life being mean to the people around her and controlling them as much as she could, after the dead of her sister she had chased from their home and the dead of her brother she was never meeting, the running away of my dad far abroad as he could not bear her constantly insulting his wife (my mum), and being angry at me when I was crying as a toddler with fever, her shouting that this baby should be silent because she cannot read, well, she was left quite alone.
Funnily enough my mum and me took care of her after she was left alone, bringing her food twice a week and cleaning from time to time, because, well, she gave birth to my father after all.
So this woman who had worked as a painter, alone in her apartment she never left for more than 30 years, was sitting in her sofa drawing and drawing faces of strangers she imagined.
One day she became sick, and after hospital her hands were constantly shaking. She couldn't draw any more. She started watching television.
A few weeks later, I went to bring her food, she opened the door, looked at me, and asked me: "Why are you so sad ?" I was so astonished I even forgot why I was sad. It was totally incredible. And the weeks and months later she changed. She started being empathic with others. Being interested in what they were living, how they were feeling... She told me it all began with a brazilian series on television, it was the story of a young girl and she started to follow her life and wondering what will happen to her. Through learning to be empathic with a television character, she started to listen to the few people who were visiting her.
It was nice to see that somebody can change even with 76. That was a nice gift.
Human beings are built with an urge to see other humans. With her drawing, she found a way to fulfill this urge without actually having to care for and think about other human beings. As she could not draw any more, this urge pushed her to look at people, and finally she reached a certain level of empathy. I am nearly sure that if her hands had not been trembling, she would have just behaved the same until the end.
Well, as it is indeed a problem if a person is mean and asocial, unable of empathy, I don't see a problem if a person looks at pictures instead of having a girlfriend. Especially with an overpopulated planet.
Just hoping that the computer with the pictures will not start trembling... :-)
/ Sorry for the pascalish length,
Excellent comment.
I only want to add (with obvious self-interest involved, admittedly) that I don't think being "mean and asocial" are the *only* legit reasons one might not want to have a romantic partner.
> Excellent comment.
Thanks ! :-)
> I only want to add (with obvious self-interest involved, admittedly) that I don't think being "mean and asocial" are the *only* legit reasons one might not want to have a romantic partner.
Of course ! There is a parallel that I see
not wanting to
empathize at all ---> drawing faces
/being asocial/
not wanting to
have a girlfriend ---> watching
pictures
But there is obviously I don't imply any logical connection between watching pictures and being asocial.
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