In the mid-nineties, an anecdote made fun of one of the Spice Girls, I forget which. She saw a computer with a web browser on it, and she said: "Can I have that? Can I have an Internet?"
This video shows that a minority of people using the Internet knows what a "browser" is. They often confuse it with a search engine. TidBITS has an article commenting.
Years ago I was in a writers' group, and I made a satirical poem about technology. Despite the fact that at that point I was a newbie myself, and despite that I deleted words which I thought the broader audience might not know, the poem caused massive confusion in the group, they hardly knew any of the terms I'd used.
I also notice how many people even today confuse the terms "web site", "blog", "email list", "newsletter", etc.
I really hope I'll never need to take a job as tech supporter.
Neeraj said:
About two years ago some so-called "child reporters" asked our top politicians about "internet" (see youtube, of course in German).
One of the questions they asked our minister of justice (Brigitte Zypries) was:
"Which browser do you use?"
Her answer was, after some hesitating:
"Browser? What is a browser?"
Since then, the question "What is a browser?" is a running gag all over the internet communities in Germany.
One suggestion is, that she has thought about a shower head, because in German it's also called "Brause".
She may also have thought about sherbet, because that is also called "Brause" in German.
Whatever;-)
(Together with the other answers it shows that our politicians have no understanding at all about internet, but sadly they decide about it's future, mostly by trying to keep it under control, which leads unavoidably to censorship ...)
39 comments:
Agreed. No technical position for you at all, ever - unless you're supporting the use of cinder clocks in construction. Stay away from anything technical.
One needs aptitude for technical things.
I like you because you deliver your keen and kind insights with a deceptively blunt steel fist.
"I really hope I'll never need to take a job as tech supporter."
"Don't quit your day job", then. ;-)
BTW, remind me again what it is you do for a living?...
"I like you because you deliver your keen and kind insights with a deceptively blunt steel fist."
I'm going to steal that.
While I am, I offer this flowchart as a distraction: http://www.xkcd.com/627/
"remind me again what it is you do for a living?"
I browse pictures of nude girls and eat biscuits. But then my commute is short and I'm my own boss.
Eolake said...
"I browse pictures of nude girls and eat biscuits. But then my commute is short and I'm my own boss."
LOL!! You're FUNNY!! :-) You forgot to say (so I'll say it for you) "...so there!" lol! ;-)
About two years ago some socalled "child reporters" asked our top politicians about "internet" (see www.youtube.com/watch?v=X92GtG1G_hY, of course in German).
One of the questions they asked our minister of justice (Brigitte Zypries) was:
"Which browser do you use?"
Her answer was, after some hesitating:
"Browser? What is a browser?"
Since then, the question "What is a browser?" is a running gag all over the internet communities in Germany.
One suggestion is, that she has thought about a shower head, because in German it's also called "Brause".
She may also have thought about sherbet, because that is also called "Brause" in German.
Whatever;-)
(Together with the other answers it shows that our politicians have no understanding at all about internet, but sadly they decide about it's future, mostly by trying to keep it under control, which leads unavoidably to censorship ...)
Confession time: I think I might be a browser. I frequently enter shops with no particular purchase in mind and just look around in case I find something interesting.
I once met an italian plumber, one Mario Fratrino, who claimed he had a browser. Then he showed me a nasty-looking giant turtle with a spiky shell. It looked like it was ready to spew fire! (Actually, il signor Mario told me it only ate daisies and peaches. Go figure...)
I'm not too sure I can trust all he said, though. He also claimed to hold a medical degree in infectious diseases, be a go-kart champion, an expert scuba-diver and paraglider, have met a blue hedgehog that stole golden wedding rings, be able to dodge cannon shells, and have a dinosaur egg hidden somewhere on his own private island. Even claimed to have starred in a Hollywood blockbuster with his brother Luigi. Might have been an all-star fibber...
Eric,
I'm also stealing this. But shhh! don't tell.
Just like I'm SO stealing that flowchart. (Okay, so it's hard to steal something you were just offered.) Just as a memo helper, because I already knew all that it says. No, really, I swear!
(Oops! Sorry, Mom. I forgot that I musn't swear. Can I sweat? In a sweater? Or is that dangerously close?)
Eolake,
Eat biscuits for a job? Oh, you lucky bastard! Curse you! I'm SO green with envy.
And given that I didn't comb this morning, that envy probably makes me look a lot like Mario's snapping turtle right now.
TC,
Given that his commute is short, maybe you'd better say "so HERE". "There" is for longer distances.
So somewhere! :-)
Neeraj,
You may have heard of former Frenchie Prezzie Jack Chirac, who once visited the national computer expo. Eager to show his vast know-how in front of a machine he was shown, he said: "Ah, oui, je connais. On clique sur le mulot, n'est-ce pas?"
("Ah, yes, I know. One must click on the field mouse, isn't that right?")
That wasn't the only time dear old Jack entertained us with his linguistic inventiveness. Like "You know, my friend, the affairs (related to me), they're like hot air balloons, they go Pssshhhitt!". Or "these claims that were made about me, they're abracadabrantesque". (Rough translation: "stupendistifying".)
Ah well, Nicko's fun too, in his own way. And frankly, HIS wife's slightly sexier than the, erm, YOUNG wizardess of the West.
Granted, that's not a big feat. Even Hogwarts High's Prof. McGonagall is sexier than Aunt Bernadette.
These German politicians, with their self-appointed internet expertise, they remind me of the Lebanese: "expert at everything, apt at none".
"Ich bin eine grosse Berliner!"
@Pascal
It seems to me that expert at everything, apt at none is a worldwide phenomenon, especially among politicians. Or maybe we learn more about it these internet days because we know what a browser is ...
Ich bin eine grosse Berliner!
"Berliner" is a male form, so it should read:
"Ich bin ein grosser Berliner!"
(Without the "grosser", JFK has said it right, albeit with strong American accent.)
BTW "Berliner" has two meanings:
1) Inhabitant of the town Berlin, and
2) a roundshaped doughnut (about 10 cm diameter, with some jam inside).
So, what do you mean to be (metaphorically)? ;-)
In denmark, it's the donut. Although of course we know what the word also means.
"De Nattergale" made fun of it when one of the characters in "The Julekalender" goes mad and starts talking German instead of their usual insane mix of Danish and English. The Character Gunther here and here said "Ich bin ein berliner-pfannkuchen."
"Ich bin ein berliner-pfannkuchen." ... I didn't know that - one never finishes to learn :-)
I browse pictures of nude girls and eat biscuits. But then my commute is short and I'm my own boss.
You're part of the problem. You shouldn't be proud of being an underachieving (or no-achieving) layabout. There's something wrong with the world when losers like you get paid to sit on their fat asses. Of course you are European and they have a worldwide reputation for being pansies.
Btw it's funny how when an English speaker gets something wrong in a foreign language in which they are not fluent, everyone in the world is free to make fun of them. But foreign speakers of English speak it with the most horrible, near-incomprensible accent, we're not supposed to say anything.
Anon's right, Eolake: you'll never make a proper living out of such an activity. Get a real job, before you starve.
Neeraj,
Vhatever yoor appetyte fahncies, ya? (Quoting Herr Doktor Strangelove.)
Ich sprechen ziehr gutte Inglische, night wahr?
Not too menshun meine eckscellent German! Danke schön to der Katzenjammer Kids...
"Pfannkuchen"? Um... gezundheit? (Was in Himmel ist das, pfannkuchen?)
Eine thing I am not, is ein Frankfurter. ;-)
(Unless it's ein GROSSER Frankfurter! Meine liebe Fraulein fancies a gutte virile sauerkraut für her kleine Berliner.)
"[Europeans] have a worldwide reputation for being pansies."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't it a bunch of European nazi pansies that forced the US to enter bitter WW2 fights outside the Pacific?
In 1991, we were repeatedly told that "pansy" Saddam Hussein had "the world's third most powerful army, a terrible threat!".
(pfft!) "Pansies", he says. Sir, you hurt my Lebanese national pride, you do.
(That is, because according to Miss Teen South Carolina, Lebanon is in Europe. "But... isn't Europe a country?")
Pascal said...
"Confession time: I think I might be a browser. I frequently enter shops with no particular purchase in mind and just look around in case I find something interesting."
LOL!! Pascal, you might just win the hearts of MANY girls w/this "confession" and, of course, your *wonderful* "GROSSER Frankfurter" comment! You SILLY NUT!! lol! Oh...and...you probably shouldn't quit your day job nor have a German girlfriend who you have to write German to...as FUNNY as your version is! lol! :-)
nice blog very funny
Thank you very much.
I get a lot of help from the commenters.
I frequently enter shops with no particular purchase in mind and just look around in case I find something interesting.
Sometimes I do it, too (not frequently), mostly in shops offering tool kits, or electronic or computer hardware shops, or libraries, nearly never "browsing" for shoes or clothes or jewelry - except I accompany my girlfriend, occasionally ...
Not too menshun meine eckscellent German!
This I voudrai confirmer - je regret, mais je ne parle pas Francais. Schack mateng sche mangsch mong peng ... oops, something has confused me ;-)
"Pfannkuchen"? Um... gezundheit? (Was in Himmel ist das, pfannkuchen?)
My dictionary says Pfannkuchen = pancake. But "Berliner-Pfannkuchen" ... never heard before ;-)
"But... isn't Europe a country?"
Of course it is ... depending on how you define "country" ;-) When I'm traveling and being asked the standard question "Which country do you come from?", I say usually something like: "Different places in Europe - so, mostly I come from Europe, but basically I'm from planet Earth." Then I'm getting a smile or a funny look :-), and it's no more a standard small talk ...
"[Europeans] have a worldwide reputation for being pansies."
aha ... I've already mentioned: One never finishes to learn ;-)
Yes, Pascal, the Nazis...and all the countries which stood by, too pussy to do anything, watching as they built up their armed forces. Then all the countries who fell one after the other to them. Especially the French, who thought they could fight WWI over again.
I get a lot of help from the commenters.
That is true, just not in the way you think. Plus you deserve a lot of credit yourself.
Eolake: you'll never make a proper living out of such an activity. Get a real job, before you starve.
It would be nice if you could be honest for once. It's not a question of whether someone can make a living, even a very good living. Does that make it a good job? No.
"But foreign speakers of English speak it with the most horrible, near-incomprensible accent, we're not supposed to say anything."
Oh I don't know, there's plenty of websites that make fun of so-called Engrish. Websites aren't real life, but the material within these domains is reflective of a common (and often hilarious) phenomena.
If native english speakers get a bad rap it's probably because many of them are from America, a nation that's known to pride itself on ignorance. It's one thing to make a mistake or two, it's another thing to be a dick about it. They don't know a thing about your language or culture but somehow you're the moron for not being able to speak their language.
A double standard is a double standard, but there's not a lot of room to complain when people give it a reason to be. Make yourself the exception to the rule and shut up about it.
I remember reading a story of Mandrake the Magician in the early Eighties: right after solving the mystery of the giant vanishing head, he and Lothar encounter the Heavy Man. Guy's really fat, but that doesn't explain why at every step his feet sink into solid rock. Keeps saying he's from "Europa" and "I just need gas from my vehicle". Lothar uselessly insists in asking "what PART of Europe?"
Turns out, when the man finally reaches his "vehicle", which nobody can see, that it was a flying saucer under an invisibility screen, his "gas" which he fills his belt with (and suddenly floats away before adjusting the quantity) was anti-gravitation fluid ("thank you, I couldn't find the right word in your language"), and when he flies away leaving Lothar to insist in vain, Mandrake finally gives him his answer: "Lothar, Europa is one of the satellite moons of Jupiter."
Country, continent, planet, damsel riding a bull... take your pick!
"Then all the countries who fell one after the other to [the Nazis]."
Excuse me? La Résistance isn't just a lame and defunct heel tag team in the WWE, using a couple of Canadians in caricatural costumes to purportedly show arrogant Frenchies.
It's also the name of thousands of very brave AND battle-efficient civilians who made the Occupation a living hell for the Germans... and paid the price dearly in collective slaughters of whole villages.
Since you seem so eager to learn, I suggest you check on Google or Wikipedia names like Oradour-sur-Glane or Jean Moulin.
Just consider it as... "browsing" for knowledge! :-)
Had the French been mere surrendering pansies, Great Britain would have fallen, and soon the USA would've been forced to fight on their own soil. Winning WW2 was a collective effort where everybody did their heroic best. 'Nuff said.
While at it, I also salute the many other nations of Europe who paid a terrible tribute to resisting fascism. Including the Russian people, in spite of their equally fascist commanders. And the Belgians, who fought valliantly against an overwhelming enemy. (Their king earned similar respect from his people as Queen Elizabeth for staying in the heart of the fight, refusing to cower in safety.)
I hereby salute the memory of all the forgotten nameless heroes who gave their anonymous life so that we, the future generations, could be born free. There's no place for revisionnism in MY book, ladies and gents.
Besides, I didn't just READ all this. I know the people to whom this was their life. (Me, I was barely born in time to live the war of Lebanon, one can't be everywhere at once...)
"It's not a question of whether someone can make a living, even a very good living. Does that make it a good job?"
That's the same as asking "is it good art?"
It's all in the eye of the Beholder, Daddykins.
"but there's not a lot of room to complain when people give it a reason to be."
A Complaining Room... Hmm, I should consider the idea for my next house. Send there the teenage brats to skulk after a good scolding.
Thanks for the inspiration, Eric! :-)
I hereby salute the memory of all the forgotten nameless heroes who gave their anonymous life so that we, the future generations, could be born free.
Me, too, with all my heart. I was born short after WW2, so I was lucky to grow up without war near around me (of course, after WW2 there were still MANY ugly wars around the world - and in my view, ANY war, big or "small", is a clear result of ugly human stupidity and unconsciousness, in different ways born out of egoic fear).
A Complaining Room... Hmm, I should consider the idea for my next house.
It's a very old idea: In a Donald Duck story of the Fiftees Uncle Scrooge owns something like this ("Sorgenkammer"), and he had hired Donald (salary 1 Kreuzer per hour) to express loudly his own worries about the "Panzerknacker" gang, theatrically exclaiming something like:
"Oh Verezeweifelung, oh dräuend Ungemach!
So grausam Untat ward noch nie ersonnen!"
(I don't know the original text, but Dr. Erika Fuchs has done a terrible good work to translate it into German in a very creative way, contributing some common sayings to the German vocabulary :-))
Excuse me? La Résistance isn't just a lame and defunct heel tag team in the WWE, using a couple of Canadians in caricatural costumes to purportedly show arrogant Frenchies.
Please. The French would like you to believe they were all in the Resistance, just as so few Germans - after the war - claim to have supported the Nazis. You're probably convinced so few of them new about the camps too. The numbers of the resistance and its effect have been overstated mainly by the French and the people who buy their bogus stories.
No, the USA would not have been fighting them on their own soil. Why? Because the Russians had a far greater effect on the outcome than anyone, Hitler forgetting or never having known how invasions of Russia have always turned out.
There's also a little something called the Battle of Britain.
Try cracking a book once in a while, or at least reading about it at Wikipedia.
Btw, there is nothing anonymous about the men who gave their lives fighting in that war. Their names are all known.
Before you get too excited extolling the courage of the Belgians and others, let's remember how the citizens of many of the conquered countries gladly rounded up their Jewish friends and neighbors for the Nazis. No one held a gun to their head, they did it gladly.
Back to the Resistance briefly. Really, look into it. It had very little effect and their numbers were small. Most were collaborators. Just a fact. Every German after the war was a radio operator, every Frenchman a REsistance fighter.
We all know Hitler was crazy, but to think he could triumph when even Napoleon had failed? Madness!
Speaking of Hitler, anyone seen Inglourious Basterds yet? I did, and loved it.
Sounds good. Has it got humor, like Pulp Fiction?
Has it got humor, like Pulp Fiction?
Definitely. I'm not sure I can say much about that without giving something away, but there are many funny parts. Like all his films those are balanced by scenes almost breathtakingly brutal.
That's what I suspected. I can take that if it's made worth it. It was made worth it, just, in Death Proof.
Pulp Fiction was never explicitly brutal, though.
... Five minutes of an eighties movie called Bloodsport made me almost physically ill.
That's true, about Pulp Fiction. As Tarantino said once in an interview, you don't actually see that much violence. Even when Marvin gets his head blown off. Mostly it happens off camera. There is some of that in Basterds but there are also a few scenes where you do see it. Sort of like there was in Kill Bill. I don't know whether you liked that one, if you've seen it, but Tarantino has a way of combing that kind of violence with humor that makes it palatable where it wouldn't be in some of his imitators. Sort of like when comic book writers try to imitate Moore or Miller, but don't understand that it's more than just gut splattering violence for its own sake.
I loved Death Proof too. A lot of people didn't. I know I hated the other half of Grindhouse though. Maybe many people's impressions of Death Proof were from the shortened version. Anyway that car stunt was spectacular. There's no substitute for doing it for real, rather than using CGI.
... Five minutes of an eighties movie called Bloodsport made me almost physically ill.
That was with VanDamme wasn't it? I don't know, it's pretty tame by today's standards. An 80s classic...but for being so bad.
Again you speaketh much truth. You're on a roll today.
Yes, it was Jean-Claude Verdamt.
I just walked in on some friends watching it, so I was not prepared for the kind of movie it was, I just sat down because there was a babe. And then suddenly there was a scene so unnecessarily and unethically brutal that I just was shocked.
I must re-watch Kill Bill one day. It was certainly not too brutal. But I never really knew how much I liked it or not. It was never really clear just what the heck kinda movie you were watching.
And then suddenly there was a scene so unnecessarily and unethically brutal that I just was shocked.
I'm going to assume you're talking about the scene where the evil dude - Tom Po I think his name was - rapes Van Damme's girlfriend. Yes, totally unnecessary. A needless and thoroughly vulgar scene done only so that Van Damme could be told of it during the fight and it would spur him on to win.
You're on a roll today.
I was in the zone today I guess.
Neeraj,
Yes, I've read a few times about Uncle Scrooge's Room of Laments, where he either paces a circular trench into the floor (needing help to get out of it afterwards), or pays (barely!) Donald to cry and wail and worry loudly for him while he thinks of a plan.
One of the most hilarious bits of Barks/Disney comics I've ever seen. (Though Don Rosa remains IMO the best author ever.)
"The French would like you to believe they were all in the Resistance"
That's SO odd: I've never heard such a claim in France. Know many Frenchpeople who make such claims?
France is more or less constantly reflecting on its own dark and tormented past, with remarkably mature honesty.
There were rather few "actual" Resistants. But that's the very principle of guerilla, isn't it?...
However, a great many more French resisted in their own way. France beat all records of poor industrial productivity and railway efficiency while Germany so counted on the zealous collaboration of the "capitulators" to help in the Axis war effort.
Actually, just by being a constant annoyance and a very real threat (just look how problematic guerilla is today in Iraq and Afghanistan), the Resistance very efficiently helped win the war on the Western front.
And having TWO fronts to battle on was in no small part cause of Hitler's defeat. Stalingrad almost fell, tipping the scales of the whole war, or hadn't you heard?
I've probably read more about WW2 than you have about everything, Mister Maven, Sir.
No offense.
Sure, many despicable excuses for a human being betrayed their fellow humans. In every nation, every people, you'll find the best and the worst. And the lawless anarchy of war is what always reveals them both. "I'm paid to know."
Making generalizations about "everybody in this or that country" claiming to be a hero or having been a collaborator is... well, let's just say you're not exactly flaunting your great intelligence there.
"Btw, there is nothing anonymous about the men who gave their lives fighting in that war. Their names are all known."
Not so. Many times, there were no witnesses of one's selfless sacrifice. Countless untold stories happened. That is PRECISELY why there are such monuments to "the Unknown Soldier", or collectively to "those who fell for the Nation". Because the complete list is impossible to know.
Ever heard of Guy Môquet? No, I thought not. So young, so brave... Rest in peace, kid.
And I'd rather not tell you what my own grandmother once did to a German officer. Today still, we still can't figure what came into her to do such a madly daring thing.
She's 88 today, and still very much indomitable. :-)
BTW, the Belgians WERE brave. Read the memoirs of Julius Caesar: it's nothing new! :-P
"The Gau... The Gau-Gau..."
"Excited"? When I get excited, buddy, there won't be any room LEFT FOR DOUBT! GOT IT?!?!?!!!!!??!
"Getting excited", he said. Ha ha, I'm laughing.
Right now. Laughing. Look. See? Grin, teeth, spasmodic repeated "ha" sound... that's called laughter. You should try it sometimes. It's good luck.
Increases life expectancy. And heals anaemia.
Jimbo exclaimed...
"We all know Hitler was crazy, but to think he could triumph when even Napoleon had failed? Madness!"
LOL! Good one.
What, are you saying Napoleon was Seine? ;-)
"Inglourious Basterds", now that one's on top of my "to see" list.
I love Tarantino, He's crazy! :-)
But crazy in a good way. While Adolf was only amusing when Chaplin spoofed him.
BTW, did you know that Hitler's mustache was a tribute to Chaplin? Hitler was a big fan of his. (I guess he hadn't seen his latest movies...)
"That's true, about Pulp Fiction. As Tarantino said once in an interview, you don't actually see that much violence. Even when Marvin gets his head blown off. Mostly it happens off camera."
That's quite sufficient for good storytelling! Movies with no plot always feel the need to insist heavily on the visuals in order to make up some "dramatic effect".
When a movie is well done, the violence can actually happen off-camera and still leave you feeling as if you had actually seen it. (Or had YOURSELF turned your eyes away.)
This is precisely why some films like 300 got called "violence porn". When they're mostly about SHOWING stuff.
I don't like overt shyness, but I don't like the opposite either. A good storyteller knows what to describe/show and what to simply suggest.
Do we need to see actual anatomical penetration to "know" that two characters slept together? No. But we do need to see enough, not just them kissing on the front door and the next morning it's breakfast together! Some vague lengthy rubbing together scene fully clothed (as in Arab cinema, for instance) feels insulting to me. Let them kiss, start undressing, and happily topple on the bed, now that's honest without being crude.
But I digress. Such enlightened advice on how to make a good movie should be kept for a paying course! ;-)
"An 80s classic...but for being so bad."
Yes, sometimes I see a film like that on TV, and instead of annoying me, it greatly amuses me.
Though I'm not quite sure that was the producer's original intention. ;-)
"[Kill Bill] It was never really clear just what the heck kinda movie you were watching."
Sounds like the average comment by Pascal...
Jimbo, actually the scene was from the ring. One fighter had lost, and was 95% unconscious. The other fighter propped him up by the shoulders, and with a big grin around the audience, taking his time, he side kicked and shattered the other guy's leg like firewood.
I've never seen a better example of gratuitous brutality.
When a movie is well done, the violence can actually happen off-camera and still leave you feeling as if you had actually seen it. (Or had YOURSELF turned your eyes away.)
A classic example of that is the shower scene in Psycho.
Let them kiss, start undressing, and happily topple on the bed, now that's honest without being crude.
And don't do the old classic where in the morning the woman keeps the bedsheet right up around her so that the man she just had sex with won't see her naked!
Jimbo, actually the scene was from the ring. One fighter had lost, and was 95% unconscious. The other fighter propped him up by the shoulders, and with a big grin around the audience, taking his time, he side kicked and shattered the other guy's leg like firewood.
I've never seen a better example of gratuitous brutality.
Dang, and I had been doing so well. Well that is probably one of many gratuitous scenes from that movie. Unless I'm mixing together two different Van Damme movies. I think I might be.
"I've never seen a better example of gratuitous brutality."
Well, if you consider that the curb scene in American History X wasn't gratuitous...
I must admit, it DID have a role in the gratuitously violent PLOT. ;-)
"And don't do the old classic where in the morning the woman keeps the bedsheet right up around her so that the man she just had sex with won't see her naked!"
So right you are!
Besides, in the morning, when it's bright and the lovers are sober, usually the women pull the sheet up and over ME! That is, when they stay until morning. Not like tonight (see "Update").
I knew I should have opted for the ginseng instead!
"And don't do the old classic where in the morning the woman keeps the bedsheet right up around her so that the man she just had sex with won't see her naked!"
Or often they both supposedly just had sex, and they're both still wearing underwear!
In their undies? Some of my schoolmates told me this is how Arabs practice birth control, instead of using a condom...
Which might explain a lot about demographics.
Post a Comment