The two of them were on the ship's deck one morning enjoying the view of the wide open sea when they passed by a small island off in the distance. They could just make out the figure of a bearded man standing on the edge of the island shouting and desperately waving his arms.
They sought out the captain. "Who is that man on that island?" Jim asked. "And why is he so upset?"
"I have no idea," the captain said, "but every year when we pass by here, he goes crazy!"
Tommy weighed in:
It's late fall and the Indians on a remote reservation in South Dakota asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.
Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.
But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, 'Is the coming winter going to be cold?'
'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,' the meteorologist at the weather service responded.
So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.
A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. 'Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?'
'Yes,' the man at National Weather Service again replied, 'it's going to be a very cold winter.'
The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.
Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service again. 'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?'
'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters we've ever seen.'
'How can you be so sure?' the chief asked.
The weatherman replied, 'The Indians are collecting firewood like crazy.'
Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.
But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, 'Is the coming winter going to be cold?'
'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,' the meteorologist at the weather service responded.
So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.
A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. 'Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?'
'Yes,' the man at National Weather Service again replied, 'it's going to be a very cold winter.'
The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.
Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service again. 'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?'
'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters we've ever seen.'
'How can you be so sure?' the chief asked.
The weatherman replied, 'The Indians are collecting firewood like crazy.'
-
15 comments:
LOL!! GOOD ONE!! :-)
OK, here we go again...
South Dakota Indians
It's late fall and the Indians on a remote reservation in South Dakota asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.
Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.
But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, 'Is the coming winter going to be cold?'
'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,' the meteorologist at the weather service responded.
So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.
A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. 'Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?'
'Yes,' the man at National Weather Service again replied, 'it's going to be a very cold winter.'
The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.
Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service again. 'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?'
'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters we've ever seen.'
'How can you be so sure?' the chief asked.
The weatherman replied, 'The Indians are collecting firewood like crazy.'
Remember this whenever you get advice from a government official!
LOL!! Also a GOOD ONE! Silly peeps!!
Aah, relativity... :-)
Abraham can't sleep, he keeps turning over and thrashing in bed. In the end, his wife is fed up:
- Oy, what's with you tonight?
- Vey iz mihr! I've borrowed $400 from Isaac, I must pay him back tomorrow, and I don't have them.
- I see...
She gets up, goes to the window, and calls to the building across the street:
- Isaac! Hey, Isaac!
A window opens, and Isaac appears:
- Oy, woman, do you know what time it is?
- Does my husband owe you $400, due tomorrow?
- That's right.
- Well, you can forget about it!
She returns to bed, and tells Abraham:
- You can rest easy now, HE's the one who'll be losing his sleep.
The moral is: if you're not a hopeless womanizer, marry a smart woman. :-)
Interesting party game
One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he
notices that both cars are in the driveway.
His wonder is cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles.
"Wow Bob, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night." the mailman comments.
Bob in obvious pain replies, "Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first I have felt like moving since 4 a.m. Sunday morning. We had about fifteen couples from around the neighborhood over for a party and it got a bit wild. Hell, we got so drunk around midnight that we started playing WHO AM I."
The mailman thinks a moment and says, "How do you play that?"
"Well all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time
with a sheet covering us and only our "privates" showing through
a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is," Bob explains.
The mailman laughs and says, "Damn, I'm sorry I missed that."
"Probably a good thing you did," Bob responds. "Your name came up four or five times."
ROFLMFAO!! TOTALLY HIL, Pascal!! :-)
OK, back to the old wild west for another....
Three cowboys were seated around the campfire out on the lonesome sagebrush prairie and with the pride for which these men were famous; it was a night of bravado, a night of tall tales.
Tom, the hand from Wyoming says, 'I must be the strongest, meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why, just the other day, a bull got loose in the corral. It had gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground by the horns with my bare hands and castrated that sucker with my teeth.'
Ben, from Colorado, couldn't stand to be bested. 'That's nothing. I was walking down the trail yesterday and a 15 foot diamondback rattler slid out from under a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that bastard with my bare hands, bit off its head, and sucked the poison down in one gulp and didn't even get a belly ache.'
Old Bronco Bob, the old cowboy from West Texas, who flew helo's in Nam, remained silent, slowly stirring the campfire coals with his pecker.
Castrated the bull with his teeth? Yuck! What about the SMELL back there?
While touring in Spain, Abou Al-Aabed entered a Cantina, and smelled something that felt most appealing. So he told the waiter:
- Hey, bro, I'll have what this man is having.
- Ay, I am so sorry, señor, no es possible. Thees ees cojones del toro. Bull testicles. Eet ees indeed a rare delicacy, but... only one dish per day! You see, every day after the bullfight, we cook the bull's gonads following the traditional recipe. You need to make reservations for eet een advance.
- What the hey, it sure smells worth it. Can I reserve tomorrow's?
- Asolutely, señor. Eet ees still available.
The next day, Abou Al-Aabed arrives for his special dinner. But when his plate comes:
- Hey, what gives? These are a lot smaller than the ones I saw yesterday!
- Ah, si señor. Eet's true. But you see, señor, sometimes eet ees the bull that weens...
Abou Al-Aabed once went to Alaska looking for gold, back in the day. When he arrived in Dawson City, the tough guys greeted him with a challenge of manliness which wouldn't surprise a true-blooded Lebanese:
- To be accepted as one of us, stranger, you need to prove your worth as a man.
- Wallah, you don't know who you're talking to. Bring it on!
- You need to pass three challenges. You must bring back the hide of a polar bear without using a firearm. You must be able to down a whole bottle of gut-rot whiskey without stopping to take your breath. Finally, you've got to bring Old Hooker Bess to orgasm, which only a real man can accomplish given that she's 75.
- Bassita shabeb, no sweat. I'll start with the drink, since we're near the saloon. Ain't gonna be no harder booze than our Arack baladi!
Having said that, he downed a bottle in one go, liked it, and sipped two more for good measure! "Slurp! (hic!) Not bad, your stuff. Nexsht!"
They showed him to the cave of the bear, which he entered with slightly slaloming steps.
The tough guys waited... suddenly, they started hearing horrible growls from inside, which seemed to last forever. Even to these hardened men, it was bone-chilling!
Abou Al-Aabed finally came out, all bloodied and maimed, his clothes reduced to shreds, and blurted:
- Aaaand that'sh two! (hic!) Now, where'sh that whore that I've got to skin?
Speaking of Old Bronco Bob...
An old buddy of mine had incredible success with women. And yet, he was short, skinny, not at all handsome...
I never quite understood what more he had than me.
All he did, was wait for them at the bar, to unfailingly rush into his hands or hop onto his lap.
And the hottest babes, too!
Yessir. He just stood there at the counter, nonchalantly licking his eyebrows...
Don't be surprised that I know a joke for every occasion. I've read the Complete Jokes Dictionary, back in the 80s. Both volumes.
A reporter had heard of Abou Al-Aabed's fabled virility, so he went to check it out in hopes of writing a good article on it.
He arrived in Beirut, asked about Abou Al-Aabed, and was directed to the seashore:
- You'll see, you can't miss him!
He walked down the beach, and suddenly he saw a man with his huge pecker stuck in the sand, and he had used it to tie his fishing boat!
- You must be Abou Al-Aabed, I presume?
- No, he's my Dad. He's further down that way.
Further down, he saw a man using his dick as a fishing pole.
- Abou Al-Aabed?
- Nope. His son. He's that-a way.
He walked on, and saw a guy sailing his boat... but the mast holding the sail was what came out of his pants! He called:
- Are you Abou Al-Aabed?
- No, I'm his older son, Aabed. Father's just over there!
Slightly amazed by this family by now, the reporter saw a pier, and on it a guy was standing, facing the sea. He approached and touched his shoulder:
- Excuse me, I'm looking for Abou Al-Aabed!
The man jumped, and turned around angry:
- Damn you! You've startled me, and ruined me a great fuck with a hot chick in Switzerland!
We Lebanese are so modest... ;-)
This just in from my daily dirty jokes site. Could be a real story!
At The Airport
During taxi, the crew of a US AIR departure flight to Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727.
The irate ground controller (a female) screamed, "US Air 2771, where are you going? I told you to turn right on "Charlie" taxiway; you turned right on "Delta. Stop right there! I know it's difficult to tell the difference between C's & D's, but get it right!"
Continuing her tongue lashing to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically, "God, you've screwed everything up; it'll take forever to sort this out. You stay right there and don't move until I tell you to! Then, I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you. You got that, US Air 2771?"
The humbled crew responded, "Yes, Ma'am."
The ground control frequency went terribly silent; no one wanted to engage the irate ground controller in her current state.
Tension in every cockpit at Ft. Lauderdale Airport was running high.
Then, an unknown male pilot broke the silence asking, "Controller, wasn't I married to you once?"
My verif confirms: "dicernin" guy!
Lingerie Shopping
A man walked into the Women's Department of Macy's in New York City and told the saleslady, "I would like a Baptist bra for my wife, size 36B."
With a quizzical look the saleslady asked "What kind of bra?"
"A Baptist Bra," he repeated. "She said to tell you that she wanted a Baptist Bra, and that you would know what she wanted."
"Ah, now I remember" said the saleslady. "We don't get as many requests for them as we used to. Mostly our customers lately want the Catholic bra, or the Salvation Army bra, or the Presbyterian type."
Confused, and a little flustered, the man asked, "So, what are the differences?"
"It is all really quite simple," replied the sales lady. "The Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army lifts up the fallen, and the Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright."
He mused on that information for a minute, then asked "So, what is the Baptist type for?"
She replied, "They make mountains out of molehills."
Wedding nights - 2 for 1
An innocent young woman marries a much older man. In the morning of their wedding night, she practically crawls out of bed to the bathroom, wearily looks at her dishevelled, baggy-eyed face in the mirror, and mutters:
- When he told me he had been saving up for 40 years, I thought he was talking about money!
Another daughter of a fine family also marries a more... "experienced" man.
On their wedding night, he claps his hands, and merrily exclaims:
- Come on, you lovely thing! We're gonna do it doggie style!
Her eyes modestly looking at the floor, she replies:
- Mister, my mother explained to me that now you are my husband, and that I should do whatever you ask for without feeling any shame. So I'm allright with doing it like the doggies, but please, could we do that on a street where nobody knows me?
Morning wood
A young man arrives at an inn after nightfall, on foot, and is told that there's no vacancy.
- All I can do, is let you share a room with an elderly gentleman, but you'll have to sleep in the double bed.
- That's way better than staying out! Okay then.
The next morning, the man is awakened by the yelling of the old man:
- A woman! Bring me a woman! Right NOW!
- Hey, take it easy, gramps. That thing you're holding in your hand? It's mine!
At another inn, a young hiker woman arrives at dusk, and a terrible storm has started. But there isn't even a place left in some double bed! So the innkeeper offers her to sleep in the barn, no charge:
- There's a lot of hay, so you'll be reasonably comfy and dry. But... there's already a travelling bear tamer sleeping there, with his companion. What do you say?
She's very tired, and barely listens to him:
- No problem, I'm sure we'll manage to get along. Besides, I'm bushed, and you said they're already sleeping.
The next morning, the bear trainer wakes up, and finds that he's in the company of a pretty young thing, weary-looking, hair a complete mess, face all scratched, her clothes nearly ruined. She says to him:
- Oh, my stars! You, mister, you're truly a gentleman. But your buddy in the fur coat, no offense sir, he's a real animal!
Tommy wrote...
"...slowly stirring the campfire coals with his pecker."
OK now *that* was REALLY FUNNY! He's one of those "strong, silent" types! ROFLMAO!! ;-)
Pascal...you're a literal GIANT!! Someone is going to have to pry your fingers off of your keyboard, soon! lol! ALL your jokes VERY FUNNY!! Thanks! :-)
"Pascal...you're a literal GIANT!"
No, he's only four feet three inches.
He may be a literary one, though, that's for history to decide.
Eolake said...
"No, he's only four feet three inches.
He may be a literary one, though, that's for history to decide."
LOL!! Right! :-)
Well, four feet three inches IS literally a giant. Among smurfs.
I love visiting my smurf friends.
Really. Screw prejudices of size or color or tail appendages! I stand proud and tall next to my smurf friends.
And anybody who's got something to say about my frequentations, well, SMURF THEM!
(Pardon my French.)
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