Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Rules of thumb

The Human Body

  • It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
  • One human hair can support 3 kg (6.6 lb).
  • The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.
  • Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.
  • A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.
  • There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
  • Women blink twice as often as men.
  • The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.
  • Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.
  • If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.
  • Women reading this will be finished now.
  • Men are still busy checking their thumbs.


Too right! 3X? No friggin way, except for John Holmes, if he had small hands.

posted by Eolake Stobblehouse @ Tuesday, June 16, 2009   21 comments links to this post

21 Comments:

At 16 Jun 2009, 13:58:00, Blogger Joe Dick said...

Too right! 3X? No friggin way, except for John Holmes, if he had small hands.

Exactly what I was thinking! ;-)

 
At 16 Jun 2009, 15:12:00, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's about correct with my thumb, actually...

 
At 16 Jun 2009, 16:36:00, Blogger Monsieur Beep! said...

Could I also put one of my big toes into the calculation???

 
At 16 Jun 2009, 16:46:00, Blogger Joe Dick said...

It's about correct with my thumb, actually...

John Holmes is dead.

 
At 16 Jun 2009, 17:22:00, Blogger Ray said...

My sex life is still two-thirds as good as ever - I can still think about it, and I can still talk about it.

 
At 16 Jun 2009, 19:32:00, Anonymous Ms. Anonymoussa said...

I wonder why men are usually so busy with size. I guess it is because they can measure it, make competitions in the toilet when they are at school.

Actually size has nothing to do with good sex.

 
At 16 Jun 2009, 20:07:00, Blogger eolake said...

Yeah, men tend to like things that can be measured. Good for "keeping score" as Donald Trump says.

 
At 18 Jun 2009, 06:49:00, Blogger Pascal [P-04referent] said...

I don't think saliva can dissolve iron, and yet it's got a taste...

BTW, men with micropenis don't have tiny thumbs. This is just an average indication for people with ordinary-sized hands and privates.
So "it works most of the time", but it's just a convenient trick.

I could add: "A man's erect penis is as thick as twice his thumb joint..."
See? It's so easy to improvise such stuff!

Beep,
Good idea. Easiest and safest way to "increase your p**** size and girth instantly". :-)

"John Holmes is dead."
So is his cousin Sherlock.

Ms. Anonymoussa said...
"I wonder why men are usually so busy with size."

Boredom, I suppose. If you can't use it, you contemplate it. ;-)
Same with men and the size of women's breasts, probably.
Hey, BTW, nice name.

I think there's a mountain in Morocco called Djebel Moussa...

 
At 19 Jun 2009, 00:06:00, Anonymous Ms. Anonymoussa said...

"I wonder why men are usually so busy with size."
Boredom, I suppose. If you can't use it, you contemplate it. ;-)

Haha!
I think you got the point!

 
At 20 Jun 2009, 01:08:00, Blogger Aniko said...

Pascal, your wisdom has no limits.

 
At 21 Jun 2009, 08:10:00, Blogger Pascal [P-04referent] said...

Flattery will get you anywhere.

So... where to, ladies? (Revs engine, to play macho with the nearby pipsqueak in his "Porscha".)
It's not the horsepower of the jallopy, it's how you use it. These kids don't know the first thing about slaloming in the Beirut traffic jams!

 
At 23 Jun 2009, 01:28:00, Blogger Joe Dick said...

micropenis

John Holmes suffered from macropenis, the poor bastard. He went into porn because his high school sweetheart broke up with him because his penis was too big.

 
At 23 Jun 2009, 01:29:00, Blogger Joe Dick said...

Pascal, your wisdom has no limits.

Tell people what they want to hear, or what they're already thinking, you will get called wise.

 
At 23 Jun 2009, 03:16:00, Blogger Pascal [P-04referent] said...

Hey, don't belittle it. Knowing, not only to say what people want to hear, but also WHAT it is they want to hear, IS a form of wisdom.
The "political instinct", optimal use of one's gift of charisma, is a form of intelligence. You coud say it's the opposite of autism. Which is a major handicap of social communication that gets them labeled as intellectually challenged, even though many of them are peerless geniuses in another field.

George Walker Bush is a moron for many things, but he WAS clever enough to get himself elected at increasingly important positions. So he does have one form of intelligence that's quite developed. (Oh, and MAJOR family/social connections. That helps, too. ;-)
No, really, I mean it. The guy literally has an instinct for winning the sympathy of all-american crowds he speaks to.

I'm... not sure I feel inclined to pity John Holmes. "Une de perdue, dix de retrouvées". You lose one, you'll win ten.
He fulfilled what is every manly biped's supreme dream: a huge shvontz, and zinging lots of shana nafkas with humongous gazongas, hey-hey-hey!
I'm betting his former GF isn't bragging too much about dumping him!!!

 
At 24 Jun 2009, 01:33:00, Blogger Joe Dick said...

I'm... not sure I feel inclined to pity John Holmes.

I would, actually. According to his Wikipedia entry, his drug problem led him down some dark paths.

Hey, don't belittle it. Knowing, not only to say what people want to hear, but also WHAT it is they want to hear, IS a form of wisdom.

A useful skill, but not really wisdom!

The "political instinct", optimal use of one's gift of charisma, is a form of intelligence.

You could say that I guess.

George Walker Bush is a moron for many things, but he WAS clever enough to get himself elected at increasingly important positions.

That would be like saying Kermit the Frog was a gifted entertaining. No, it was the guy with his hand up the frog's ass! ;-)

He fulfilled what is every manly biped's supreme dream: a huge shvontz, and zinging lots of shana nafkas with humongous gazongas, hey-hey-hey!
I'm betting his former GF isn't bragging too much about dumping him!!!


Yeah, I made that up. I just think it would be funny, a chick dumping a guy because his dong was too big! Only on Bizarro World. Funny thing is, they say because of the drugs in most of his pornos Holmes wasn't quite fully hard, so you can imagine what that monstrous thing would have been like then. Probably would have scared a few.

 
At 24 Jun 2009, 05:30:00, Blogger Pascal [P-04referent] said...

I meant I wouldn't pity him for the side inconveniences brought about by his anatomy!

"You could say that I guess."
Indeed, my dear Dickson!
(No, I don't mean "Watson". Harry DICKSON, "the american Sherlock Holmes".)

"like saying Kermit the Frog was a gifted entertaining."
Damn right he was! No dissin' mah buddy Kermit now, y'hear?
'Sides, Dubya did win the heart of more than one "true-blooded American" (translate: encrusted fundie conservative) with his fun-loving simpleton style. What thick-head doesn't love to see somebody clearly dumber than him? Especially as his "boss". Fuels optimism. "Gawrsh! Ah reckun' ah kun doo eet alsaw den. Maw, ah'm gunna bee prezzeedunt sum day! Hyuk!"
Surely nobody was holding his ass when he made that historical swing during the Golf war.

Aah, George Walker, never a dull moment! The life of the party in this madhouse called Planeteer, I mean Planet Earth. [GO, PLANET!]
Sure, now we still have Ahmadinejad or Ronery Kim, but... it's just not the same, you know. I don't find them quite as funny.
And this Sammy Davis Jr wannabe replacement is DEFINITELY not as amusing as the short Texan. Oh, Bama, I mean, oh, Mama! How sad.

"I just think it would be funny, a chick dumping a guy because his dong was too big!"
Not that funny. It's been known to happen for real!
Shtummie nafkas à la Georgina DuBush persuade themselves they dream of the lover with the biggest possible shlong to give them unique ecstasy, but when it's time to face the music, one look at the cello's bow and they run a-screamin'. Out of tune, too!

"they say because of the drugs in most of his pornos Holmes wasn't quite fully hard"
I've already explained in the past that having a big rod isn't all it's cracked up to be. Not only because of the fickle airhead broads. Not only because you can never enjoy the sensation of "sheathing to the hilt". But because, while it most probably won't cause you to pass out, or even make you slightly dizzy while standing up (no, I mean the WHOLE of you), it's always a significant challenge to get an erection. It takes time to achieve, it's seldom hard, gets soft easily... a real bitch, pardon my French. The smaller ones are the perky ones. So, sexual pleasure for generously-endowed men is LESS guaranteed than for those within the average range [which is 9 to 18 cm, roughly].
The drugs definitely didn't help afterwards. Being smashed isn't advised either. (So much for booze boostin' the romantic mood.)
I once knew a guy with extra mensurations, during an internship, saw them myself (in Urology...). He often talked about his kinky adventures, but I never saw any hard evidence ;-) that he had unusual success with the ladies. The Lebanese tend to brag, ever so slightly. (See previous post about that. The one that the ladies liked. ;-)

That's probably why I myself NEVER brag.
Yup, far too busy to brag. ;-)
I seldom even have time to mention my legendary modesty. Barely once every semester...
What was that country song, again? "Oh Lord, it's hard to be humble, When you're perfect in every way"... Yup, I feel it's hard, awright. (Tired of winking, taking a rest now.)

"so you can imagine what that monstrous thing would have been like then"
Well, let's see... long, dangling, rather limp... does ring a bell.
I think my Yiddish lexicon might come in handy. Ah, yes:
- Shvontz: tail. Figuratively, the penis.
- Shlong: snake. Figuratively, the penis.
Let's skip Shmeckel and Shmuck already.
It's a rule of thumb: don't run a penis joke into the ground. It could cause chafing. ;-)
(That rest really helped my eyelids.)

 
At 24 Jun 2009, 06:24:00, Blogger Joe Dick said...

I meant I wouldn't pity him for the side inconveniences brought about by his anatomy!

Yes, I know.

 
At 25 Jun 2009, 08:24:00, Blogger TC Girl said...

Pascal said...
"Shtummie nafkas à la Georgina DuBush persuade themselves they dream of the lover with the biggest possible shlong to give them unique ecstasy, but when it's time to face the music, one look at the cello's bow and they run a-screamin'. Out of tune, too!"

Well...it may not be that funny but...YOU sure were, there (above), here: "Surely nobody was holding his ass when he made that historical swing during the Golf war." (GOOD one!); and..."And this Sammy Davis Jr wannabe replacement is DEFINITELY not as amusing as the short Texan. Oh, Bama, I mean, oh, Mama!" ROFLMFAO!! :-)

 
At 25 Jun 2009, 17:39:00, Blogger eolake said...

I just re-watched Blazing Saddles.
The scene in the dark...
"Is it true what they say about black men... Ooh!, it's true, it's true!"

Wonderful, but there was a line more, which was cut:
"Sorry to disappoint you, mam, but that's my arm."

 
At 25 Jun 2009, 18:00:00, Blogger TC Girl said...

Eolake said...
"I just re-watched Blazing Saddles. ..."Sorry to disappoint you, mam, but that's my arm.""

HILARIOUS!! Thanks for mentioning that movie. I need a GOOD LAUGH; I'll get that! :-)

 
At 26 Jun 2009, 03:32:00, Blogger Pascal [P-04referent] said...

Sorry to disappoint the Brothers, but that would just be my thumb...

Yup, anything to stay on topic! ;-)

How come they never did "cut" (pardon the pun!) the line "...or are you just happy to see me?"
Hmm, I think I've just put my finger on something interesting here.

And at that point, anybody who was in Med School with me would exclaim the classic quote: "Take it off, Pascal!"
(Well, hey, the lady patient wasn't complaining!)

 

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