The question was raised in comments to the last post if it is a bad thing to take your self worth from the outside. From admiration by others in other words.
Well, on the one hand, if you really don't take it seriously, a bit of pleasure is a bit of pleasure. On the other hand, if you take it seriously you're in trouble. You will spend your time angling for praise and admiration.
If your self worth comes from within, you'll never run out of it.
And it's the only real thing anyway.
Update: Ooh, I just had a realization: it is impossible to only let yourself be affected by praise, and not by criticism. They are two sides of the same coin (named Other People's Opinions). You can't take just one side, you take the whole coin or nothing. I suspect "nothing" is the wiser choice here.
I was disappointed when John Travolta, such a hugely talented actor, told in an interview how much stock he put into getting an Oscar. He's had two nominations only so far, and there were seventeen years between them. And he said he'd been struck by a deeply depressing thought: what if there were seventeen years until the next nomination too? *
Come on, John, be a man! Tell Oscar to go frig himself. You live for yourself and your art!
Much better is David Bowie's attitude. An interviewer asked him what he'd think if he was given a knighthood like Elton John was. He said that he'd tell the queen to give it to somebody who cared. Good man.
* The fact that John did not see how this looks, tells us how all of Hollywood is totally in the thrall of the Oscars and public praise. Johnny Depp is one of the exceptions, along with Sean Penn and a few others.
Also, I think it now has been over a decade since that interview (I think it was after Pulp Fiction). How's it going, John? How about just making good movies?
10 comments:
An interviewer asked him what he'd think if he was given a knighthood like Elton John was.
For the longest time Sir Elton was ignored by the media and had never won a major music award until The Lion King came along. The man has been such A HUGE SUCCESS for over 35 years, I'm sure he must have felt in disarray at times when he was overlooked hundreds of times.
(Despite the millions of records he has sold.) The man is a GREAT LEGEND and my Favorite Artist of all TIME.
"The man has been such A HUGE SUCCESS for over 35 years, I'm sure he must have felt in disarray at times when he was overlooked hundreds of times."
See how much easier his life would be if he really didn't give a flying frig?
(By the way, you should indicate which text is quoted, please.)
My personal opinion on the matter:
There are times when you can be feeling like no one appreciates you and that hearing a compliment from someone else brightens your day, but if you do something just to get praise from other people, or if you depend on that praise in order to feel good about yourself, then there's something wrong with you.
eolake said... (By the way, you should indicate which text is quoted, please.)
will do eolake, please return it as well, thanks, Terry :)
Lucid,
Since I know it won't cause you a depression, I feel I have to say this critic to you:
"You're too lazy to make a new write-up"
Deal with the hard truth! ;-)
I don't think we should work for praise. Do the best you can do, just for the sake of doing your best, and find satisfaction in that.
If you do win praise, accept it graciously. Not having been offered a knighthood, David Bowie's comment sounds like sour grapes. If he were offered a knighthood and refused it like this, he would just be rude. If Bowie wants to turn down a knighthood, he should refuse it politely and in private. (While we needn't order our lives to please others, I think a decent person makes every reasonable effort not to hurt others without good cause.)
It takes a certain amount of effort to tell hollow honors from genuine praise. It can be worthwhile to know the difference, and I don't think there's anything wrong with enjoying the real stuff -- just don't become dependent.
It's good to be mindful of criticism. Like praise, much of it is worthless -- that part you can ignore. But legitimate criticism can show us some of our faults, and recognizing our faults is the first step toward correcting them, and becoming better. We must learn to hear criticism with an open mind and a thick skin, and not be discouraged either by those who intend to hurt us, or by the sudden realization that we are not yet perfect.
This is all much more easily said than done. That doesn't mean we shouldn't try to do it.
Michael,
Basically, you're saying the only praise that should really matter is your own. Provided one's honest with himself, that's precisely the idea. There's no judge better placed.
I can't speak on behalf of David Bowie. Just remember, he wasn't just the IMAGE of a rebellious rocker. If this is how he said it, it does seem fitting with his character. Maybe he was precisely stating what a knighthood is in today's post-medieval world: pure prestige, a "hollow honor".
I tend to love hating and dismissing criticism. :-)
However, when alone with myself, any of it that doesn't seem purely gratuitous and mean inspires me to at least reflect: "What if it was right, even partly? Does this give me new ideas to do better?"
Of course, that's because I've worked at building my personnality. When I really screw up, I don't need help to become aware of it. Even though I'd NEVER admit it on the spot! We all have an ego. ;-)
(Note: that "NEVER" wasn't really serious. Just give me the chance and time to criticize myself, and I usually will! Sometimes publicly. The "Hard Work" misunderstanding with Terry is an example.)
Maybe this is a good occasion to remind of Dale Carnegie's very intelligent advice: if you feel you MUST make criticism, aim to be constructive, not hurtful. The less hostile you are, the more likely it is that you'll be listened to. The reflex of self-defense is very powerful in the human psyche.
And even more in the human PSYCHO! ;-)
It's not just knighthood, in my view it's a problem with *all* awards for which one does not sign up (like the Oscars): who are they to judge? If you accept the award, you also accept *not* getting the award the year before and the year after. You basically agree that these people can judge you and your work.
The less hostile you are, the more likely it is that you'll be listened to. (Pascal said)
I agree with you Pascal. A soft answer turneth away wrath. Also Eolake I agree with your comment as well. You are both wise people.
Terry,
It takes one to know one, so there! :-P
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