Senior sax humor

[Thanks to Kirk]

An older couple were lying in bed one night.

The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.

She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."

Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.

A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me."

Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my Neck."

Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

"To get my teeth!"

_____________________________________

DOWN AT THE RETIREMENT CENTER

80-year old Caroline bursts into the rec room at the retirement home.

She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces,

"Anyone who can guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!"

An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?"

Caroline thinks a minute and says, "Close enough."

__________________________

OLD FRIENDS

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades.

Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures.

Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said,

"Now don't get mad at me...

I know we've been friends for a long time but I just can't think of your name.

I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it.

Please tell me what your name is."  

Her friend glared at her.

For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her.

Finally she said,

"How soon do you need to Know?"

_____________________________________

SENIOR DRIVING

As a senior citizen was driving down the highway,

his car phone rang. Answering,

he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him,

"Vernon,

I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on I85.

Please be careful!"

"Hell," said Vernon,

"It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"

Hard rock classics

Karefully kollekted tonite for U, the conniseur, U no hoo U R.
All diffirant, all gud.






I tuk too from Ministri's "Ze Mine Iz A terrable Ting To Taist", 4 it's a rekord wich must be remembarred!! Takking bout Minstry, doen miss this!

What if Michael Bay Directed "UP"?

Michael Bay is the director who is happy and proud that his crew is terrified of him. How do I know? He said so himself on a commentary track! (Transformers 1) He mentioned gleefully how when he was coming to the set in a bad mood, somebody would run ahead and shout "Coming in hot!", like the young boys in The Wire who ran around shouting "Five-Oh!" when the police were coming.

The one below is very critical, but it has some good points.
And M Bay recently walking off a stage because he was unable to say a few words about his process when the teleprompter broke? Whu?



(There are many of these "Honest Trailers", but be warned: don't watch them if they're about movies  you liked.)

Just after sunrise, January

(click for big pic)

Update:
Laurie Jeffery said: Excellent! What equipment did you use? 

Thanks, friend.
Olympus OM-D E-M1, with the pro grade 12mm-40mm F:2.8. (It's the equivalent in view angle and image quality to the Canon and Nikon 24-70mm 2.8 zooms, but much more portable (and with a notch more reach).)
It's nice to have such a sharp and fast zoom. With a slower lens I'd had to use a tripod, and there was no time for that, light changes very fast with the sun close to the horizon, and indeed, on my last frame, the street lamp had been turned off!
And I still consider the E-M1 to be the best all-round camera there is right now.

Jimmy Fallon Blew a Chance to Date Nicole Kidman

This is just hysterical. The guy has Nicole K visiting, and he puts on a video game!

Fightin' Fungi 28mm Fantasy Miniatures

Fightin' Fungi 28mm Fantasy Miniatures, on Kickstarter.
I'm not into roleplaying games, but my friend Andrea has made some popular games, and this is his first miniature figures for it.

UPDATE:
They reached their base funding goal in one day!

I love when good things happen to good people. I've been friends with Andrea for over fifteen years, and I bought some beautiful watercolors from him even before the millennium. He has many activities, but here is an online art shop of his including lovely nudes.

To all of us who are complaining about the weather!

Chinese poledancers performing at -50 degrees!! (It's roughly the same in Celcius and Fahrenheit in that area.)
That's totally insane. Most of us can't even handle getting outdoors at all in such a temperature, no matter how much we bundle up.

I think it's Intention Over Matter. Like doctors and nurses working with lepers but not catching leprosy. 

“Well begun is half done”

A Danish saying I like.
Usually the best and most popular sayings are international, but it seems this is just Danish, so I want to spread it around.

“Well begun is half done”

Update: 

Silly me, I didn't even think to google it before posting it. It turns out that it is already a known saying in English too. But at least I can take pride in that I translated it from Danish to the the exact same expression and words in English.  :-)

A crow snowboarding...

This new sport already has a name: crowboarding.



(This page has a few more time-waste videos which may entertain.)

Update:
Strum the Sky said:
I'll never forget sleeping in a hut, backpacking the snowy mountains of New Zealand, and waking up early in the morning to hear a ruckus on the roof and cackling laughter and a carrying-on that got me up out of my warm sleeping bag in a good mood to check out what idiots outside were doing... Turned out it was a flock of kakapo (mountain parrots) on the roof... sliding on their backsides down the snowy corrugated tin roof from its peak, and then adroitly rolling over just at the edge of the lip and marching back up to the top to do it all over again, all of them cackling like kids and taking turns. Amazing. Watched it for half an hour.

Make emergency candle

How to make an emergency candle out of a can of Crisco vegetable fat and a strip of paper. Works great and lasts for several weeks.

Photos of the unusual

46 Unusual Photos.

This is apparently from nature:

Glass melted in a fire: 

Carved eggshell: 

No, not a digital glitch, it's carved like that: 

Marlon Brando Before and After His Makeup Was Done for His Role in the Godfather

(I'm often amazed at what actors are permitting themselves to be made up to look like, given that most audiences will assume that "that's how he looks now!")

Cross-section of undersea cable. Dang. 

Anne Dorte Michelsen

This is too weird. Again I searched on Youtube for an old Danish song, "Fortrolighed" (closeness or secrecy) and again was it posted only a month ago... and again I was the first one to play it!
(Despite this song being apparently very big in Japan.)


(If this video won't show, TCG found this.)


This one, also with Anne Dorte Michelsen, "En Lykkelig familie" (A Happy Family) is more lively. Despite a samurai-sword-sharp tone of sarcasm about the perfect family. (You can see all the women in the audience really getting with it.)




Here's another one of my favorites. (I don't really know her oeuvre that well I must confess.) It's a song about the strange and unsettling "magnets" which seem to glue us to the sofa in front of the TV.