[Thanks to Kirk]
An older couple were lying in bed one night.
The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.
She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."
Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.
A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me."
Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my Neck."
Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.
"Where are you going?" she asked.
"To get my teeth!"
DOWN AT THE RETIREMENT CENTER
80-year old Caroline bursts into the rec room at the retirement home.
She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces,
"Anyone who can guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!"
An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?"
Caroline thinks a minute and says, "Close enough."
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades.
Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures.
Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said,
"Now don't get mad at me...
I know we've been friends for a long time but I just can't think of your name.
I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it.
Please tell me what your name is."
Her friend glared at her.
For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her.
Finally she said,
"How soon do you need to Know?"
As a senior citizen was driving down the highway,
his car phone rang. Answering,
he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him,
I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on I85.
Please be careful!"
"Hell," said Vernon,
"It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"