Chilluns going

[Thanks to Mad Cap Elron.]

A man was walking in rural Florida, and he saw a toddler playing by the river, when sudden a crocodile leaped out of the water, snapped up the child and was gone in flash.

Shocked, the man ran to the nearest house where a middle-aged man with a straw hat was sitting on the porch smoking a corn pibe.

Short of breath, the man told about the sight he'd just seen by the river. The man with the hat took his pibe out of his mouth and regarded him for a moment. Then he turned to the house and yelled: "Maw! See? I told ya sommin was gittin' those chilluns!"

Frozen milk

[Thanks to Ian.]

Anybody figure out how they do this?
At first I thought it was time-frozen picture of thrown white liquid, but now I'm leaning towards a latex-substance which is then dried. But how they get it in the splash formations, I can't figure.
... No, some of it is drops in the air, so part of it must be time-freeze. But I don't think all of it, you couldn't control it.

Gavin and Stacey

I'm watching the second season of Gavin And Stacey (US link and UK link), and it just keeps going.

It's technically a sitcom, but it's one of those news spawn of the Golden Age of television where you don't really know what you have. It does not have that age-proven formula for sitcoms where even if you don't understand the language, you can hear from the rhythm when you're supposed to laugh. You know: set-up... response... punch line.
No, this is something new. It could be real life, except it's just damn funny. Warmly recommended!

Two sides x2

[Thanks to Ian.]

Two car salesmen were sitting at the bar.

One complained to the other, "Boy, business stinks. If I don't sell more cars this month, I'm going to lose my ass."

Too late he noticed a beautiful blonde sitting two stools away.

Immediately, he apologized for his bad language.

"That's okay," the blonde replied, "I can relate; if I don't sell more ass this month, I'm going to lose my car.

-------------------

A couple had been married for 50 years.
They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, 'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.'
'I know,' the old man said. 'We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago.'
'Well,' Granny snickered. 'Let's relive some old times.'
Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly replied, 'My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.'
'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps. 'One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal.

Spotify online radio service

Through The Lens pointed to Spotify, which is a an online "radio" service which seems to work even better than Pandora. You can choose music and sequence, and it does not seem to be limited to some countries unlike Pandora (last I checked). I wonder how they got around all those legal barriers? Or if they really have. For a while there I could use Pandora in UK, but that was blocked later.

So far, I'm impressed. Right now I'm listening to a CD I'd heard about but never had a chance to hear, a 1994 collection of covers of songs of one of favorite Danish bands in the seventies. I'd never expected to find a reasonably rare Danish item in a second after my first search.

Update: it seems that Spotify, refreshingly, is started in Europe or UK. And not yet available in North America. See comments for more info.

There, I fixed it

A friend forwarded these. With a little detective work (I'm so clever), I found out there's a source site. Or at least a "hub" site, since they don't take the pictures themselves.

JustEat

For those in the UK and who like me don't like cooking, I can recommend Just-Eat.

I was really getting tired of pizza, and in time too, I don't want to end up like Marlon Brando in his late days (a smaller artist in status, but a much larger one physically). And that web site has helped me find healthier and more varied alternatives. For example the best-quality chinese take-out I've found yet. Lovely stuff. And an Italian which don't just deliver pizzas, but also salads and high quality pasta dishes. Yummy. At either of those places (unlike pizza) I can order food enough for three days too.

And I've been losing weight. A couple weeks ago I tried some old shorts that I absolutely couldn't close last year. They fit!

More chillun's speak

*** On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents .'

*** A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone.. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.'

*** While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?'

*** It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked.
'It sure is,' I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'

*** While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'

*** I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'

*** While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!)

*** A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.
'What have you got there, dear?'
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'

*** A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!'

Kung Fu Panda

I just watched Kung Fu Panda. Admittedly I am feeling especially good today, but right now this seems like one of the very best computer-animated movies I have ever seen. Including all Pixar movies, and I never thought I'd say that!

Great story, very funny, and visually it blows away anything. Out-friggin'-standing.
You can get it on DVD, but if you have been waiting for the right moment to get Blu-ray, maybe this film provides it, the detail must be seen to be believed, so get it on Blu-ray.

By the way, small detail which illustrates why some people are stars: the Tigress character is female, but hardly at all feminine looking (a bit strange choice), and she never says anything sensual of any kind, and yet when she does speak her few lines, the beauty and femininity of her voice just cuts through you. And who do you find out did her voice? Angelina Jolie. Some people just have that extra, supernatural quality which can't be taught or bought.

Update: just watching the voice-actor interviews, and I have to admit I watched the Angelina part once extra in slo-mo. I swear she gets more beautiful every year, she just can't be from this planet.

... About the same can be said about Lucy Liu (and she is 40 now), who voices the snake, another counter-intuitive choice which works.
I've noticed that actors are often more beautiful when they are interviewed than in the films. Which you wouldn't think, because in films they spend hours in make-up, and the lighting guys and so on are paid to make them beautiful. But maybe it is because movie characters must have flaws or even be nasty to be interesting, whereas when they are just being interviewed, they can allow all of their natural (or learned?) charm to flow freely. (Isn't it a little scary to think that some people are so good and so natural actors that you can sit there and fall in love with them as they are being interviewed, but maybe what you're watching is just a persona they put on?)

Turntables

Remember turntables? Some people still make them, and some make some very precise and very expensive ones.


I'm sure some people still use typewriters, too. Whether anybody still makes them, I'm less sure.

David Pogue on the Pen

A few weeks ago I asked my good friend David Pogue if he had a review of the Olympus Pen upcoming. He confirmed it, and here it is.

I can add that all the weaknesses he points out are not there in the Panasonic G1. Though it's a little bigger, it has a great screen, built-in flash, and fast autofocus.

How to Make a Woman Happy

One of those things circulating on the Internet. I hasten to say that it is mainly forwarded by women. :-)

Subject: How to Make a Woman Happy

It's not difficult to make a woman happy.
A man only needs to be:

1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes


HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY

1. Show up naked
2. Bring beer

-----

If you add a third one to the last part: "be generous with the BJs", then you're set for sure. - E