"Live is a witch and then you die."
I stumbled over a song collection (used to be called "a CD", remember those?) on iTunes called The Wicked Soundtrack By Al Jourgenson, and I liked it, so I looked up the movie on Amazon UK. Well, it seemed to have some nice ladies in it, but then I read the reviews...
And they are some of the worst reviews I've read, and I found them hysterically funny. I guess I won't try that movie.
Those reviews:
Format: DVD
** Spoiler alert - but I am trying to save you money **
I'm a great fan of B movies so although this has had soMe pretty scathing reviews I just had to watch it. It starts off slowly in a college life-class as Ilene (Robin Sydney) poses nude for as strange a group of art students as you are likely to see, including the strikingly awful Caleb. Caleb follows her home and when confronted by a naked breast and one of her flatmates he runs off, inside we meet Ilene's three female friends and soon the softcore lesbian scenes start. Caleb runs back to his Texas Chainsaw like group of redneck throwbacks. The four girls head off to a cabin in the woods and on route meet some local yokels in the village store. The girls are relaxing at the cabin when Caleb and his thuggish pals arrive and it all goes to the wall. The girls are abused and threatened and Caleb gets what has been rightly coming to him from the start. Then at the stroke of midnight the tables turn and the girls reveal their true selves. Throw in a couple of cops including Tim Thomerson (Trancers - The Definitive Collection: Trancers; Trancers II; Trancers III; Trancers IV; Trancers V [2005] ) in a forlorn attempt to add some gravitas and watch it fall to bits in front of your eyes. Some films are just bad, some are absolutely dire this is just plain sheer unadulterated inexcusable drivel. The character of Caleb appears to be a misguided attempt to inject some comic relief but spending most of the film clad in pink and prancing around like a satyr who needs to get to a toilet within minutes he soon wears out his welcome and you'll be cheering on every harm that comes to him. The last scenes with him acting like an effeminate Frank Spencer clone are almost uncomfortable to watch.
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3.0 out of 5 stars
HOME BREAK-IN FILM
By The Movie Guy on 7 July 2013
Format: DVD
The basic formula for the home break-in film is bad guys break-in and terrorize the women. Then the victims turn the tables. This is the basic formula in this film except the women are witches with certain supernatural powers that occur at midnight during the full moon. And it just so happens...
The problem is that this filmed disobeyed the successful sub-formula. The nude scenes should start with the break-in. In this case there were ample nude scenes before the women are terrorized and none during the event.
The movie features two play modes, one with a special commentary, and by "special" they mean ride the short bus special. The DVD also includes a music CD. The sound track was better than most, but the movie was so bad, it was wasted. Michael Esparza plays Ray, the role normally assumed by David Hess in the classic home break-in movies. He did an exceptionally lousy job as the lead bad guy. What was with the weak cop subplot?
While there was a bunch of nudity, it wasn't "full frontal" as the cameras were careful to avoid that area, almost to the comical point as an Austin Powers film. If you like topless, blood, "brain sucking with a straw," bad acting, bad plot with a decent sound track, and a muscle machine you got it.
Parental Guide: F-bomb, explicit sexual talk, sex, nudity.
1.0 out of 5 stars
pointless
By falcon on 6 Mar. 2010
Format: DVD
if you like lots of pointless female nudity and lesbian scenes,this could be your movie.but if that's the case,there is always porn. here's really nothing much else of value here.no coherent story.(and speaking of porn,the story might even be better).pointless,gore,lame dialogue.the whole thing is one big long boring mess.with no real beginning,middle or end.not only is there no conceivable story,there also a pointless non subplot that attempts to tie into the main non story.i can't see who the target audience would be for this particular movie.but everybody has their own different taste.however,this is added to my list of worst movies i have ever seen.this gets the big goose egg.definitely not recommended.but then,what do i know? 0/5
1 comment:
Rotten Tomatoes http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/wicked_lake/ has a similar view. From MiYon Richardson "Four young, well-endowed hotties rent a cabin in Hicksville, USA where they've been followed by a group of morons consisting of an ultra-feminine art student, a mentally challenged (?) pervert, a geriatric war veteran in a wheelchair, and their sadistic ringleader. Also hot on the girls' tails are a couple of greasy, dirty, toothless country bumpkins whose most impassioned lines are, "God damned city bitches!" Let me not forget to mention two detectives who are pursuing the damsels in distress. Only they're not damsels in distress. At the stroke of midnight, they transform into bloodthirsty demons - bloodthirsty lesbian demons.
This is... one of the worst I have ever seen and I have watched some major stinkers. Unfortunately, not even all of the T&A could save Wicked Lake. The tone of the film is constantly changing and confusing for the viewer. Am I supposed to laugh? Is this character to be taken seriously? Much of the movie looks like it was shot with a camcorder, the dialog made my ears numb, and the acting is deplorable. I live for B-movie horror and low-budget amateur efforts so I've made it a habit to overlook sub-par acting but, in this case, it's so bad that it's unforgivable. Even worse, when they're not 'acting', they're zoning off, unresponsive to anything that's happening with the rest of the characters. It's a complete mess.
I'm irritated that I wasted 95 minutes of my life on this cinematic piece of excrement."
Unfortunately there needs to be a certain number of reviews for it to get on the list of lowest tomato-meter scores. I'm certain it would get a zero, helping it to its rightful place of one of the worst movies of all time.
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