Movie mystery no 174:
How come in movies when a couple has had sex and gets out of bed, they are always wearing their underwear? Isn't that a highly impractical way of having sex?
No 175:
How come nobody every checks a gun they find for bullets? I was just watching one where I yelled at the screen: "check the gun for bullets!" Lo and behold, it turns out the villain had emptied the gun earlier.
No 176: How come nobody ever makes sure the villain is actually dead? Even if we hadn't seen 99,000 movies where the villain gets up again, it's just common sense.
38 comments:
I saw a movie or two a few months ago where they had dubbed in CGI underwear, one was Show Girls, the other wasn't.
I seem to remember underwear is often shed, so that shouldn't be an always. It is a more recent and more European thing, but I've seen more than one butt getting out of bed.
Loaded guns, that'd take the fun out of it. La Femme Nikita, the lead guy kept the first chamber empty.
Making sure the dead guy is dead. Come on, that Glenn Close movie, she was dead, definitely. I always thought Obi Wan was no friend in leaving Anakin hanging. In Romeo and Juliet the whole point was she should seem dead. And anyway, sometimes checking they are dead isn't enough, the bad guy could become undead.
I know. I find that *most* irritating...when watching the men get outta bed! SUCH a *let down*! lol! ;0)
TC,
There's always the movies of Peter Greenaway, Ewan McGFregor showing his all in The Pillow Book is probably a good starting point.
Alex
Alex said...
"TC,
There's always the movies of Peter Greenaway, Ewan McGFregor showing his all in The Pillow Book is probably a good starting point."
Alex...Thank you! You're my HERO!! lol! I'm trying to wipe the *shit-eating* (well...you know!) smirk off my face but...I just can't! lol! :-) There's just not enough *gurl candy* out there, guys! It is *so* NOT fair! Gurls enjoy to see the sexiness of the human body, too, ya know! Preferably male...in my case! lol! *Give it up* more often, on the *silver screen,* would ya guys?! lol! Just no scratching and sniffing, OK?! That is *so* unattractive! lol! Thank you...from ALL of us *deprived* women in the audience! lol! :-)
And...I am reminded of the *pleasant* surprise that I saw in 'Lady Chatterley's Lover'. Hm...just read a review which also recommends another nekkid Nicholas Clay: 'Excalibur' Cool! :-)
(Did you intend that HILARIOUS pun @ the end, there, Alex?! lol! GOOD one! lmao! Thanks for the laugh on that one! lol!)
TC,
Clive Owen in "Close My Eyes", I seem to remember that had a relaxed attitude to male nudity. Can't remember if just botty or full frontal.
I just don't remember there being a total adherence to the undies rule, but I can't remember the exceptions.
Alex said...
"TC,
Clive Owen in "Close My Eyes", I seem to remember that had a relaxed attitude to male nudity. Can't remember if just botty or full frontal
Hi, Alex. Funny...I was just reading about you recommending that here: http://tr.im/lOH7 What about the movie did you like? Is it based on that German story that Joe Dick pointed to? The story line doesn't appeal to me...even for the *eye candy*! lol! The whole thing just strikes me as very odd. :-(
I think I said all I needed to about Close My Eyes HERE.
In brief, photography, passion, challenge, architecture in that order.
The film seems to not moralize, but just to say "These two did, but they promise not to any more".
And no, it is an early 90's or late 80's film, so predates that German story.
Thanks for the link, Alex. I appreciate that. And...yeah...I should have checked both film and article dates out before asking that question. lol!
One thing that bugs me about a lot of TV shows and movies is where someone will hold a gun on someone else for several minutes, and then decide to cock it. You know, just to show they're serious.
Funny you should mention that, I *just* saw that yesterday on an episode of Boston Legal.
(Though admittedly I didn't think much about it.)
Funny you should mention that, I *just* saw that yesterday on an episode of Boston Legal.
(Though admittedly I didn't think much about it.)
The person the gun's being held on never shows the least annoyance either.
Safety catch also.
I like the scene in Fifth Element where the hero is being held at gun-point in his doorway, and has to tell his assailant how to take the safety catch off.
Safety catch also.
There's a scene in Strange Days where Angela Bassett's character notices her assailant has the safety catch on, and makes her move.
Don't forget that one where Prince Albert is holding the hose, and Queen Victoria stands on the hose. When the water stops, Albert looks into the hose to see if there is anymore water coming.
That one gets done far too often in the films.
I think these are specific to moviez written for the American audience. I've never seen any of your listed "mysteries" in real films.
It's the same as for iPhone apps (GIF image). You need to cater for the viewing audience.
I actually originally wrote "American films" or "hollywood films", but I didn't want to into another transatlantic pissing contest.
And I'd say that calling American films "not real films" is rather going into the other ditch. (Is that a Danish expression? Means going too far the other way.)
And I'd say that calling American films "not real films" is rather going into the other ditch.
I'm thinking you are not all that bright.
I meant to say that in response to ttl's ridiculous, moronic, totally unsupported statement. That mistake was worthy of the mental giant himself! How embarrassing!
I'm thinking you are not all that bright.
It's possible. It may just be that I don't like "mystery" films. ;-)
I've never seen any of your listed "mysteries" in real films.
I'm curious, what do you consider to be "real films"?
"someone will hold a gun on someone else for several minutes, and then decide to cock it."
It's all about the ego trip, revelling in the power they hold. Similar to the not-so-ludicrous cliché of Villain gloating. (I *loved* how they joked about it in The Incredibles: "Ha ha! Look at that! You almost got me gloating! But I'm going to kill you NOW."
Insecure bullies NEED to gloat. Swift, nothing-fancy action is how you spot the true professional, like a hitman or secret agent.
One very real example of a sinister villain that loves gloating (but does it with safety measures aplenty) is Osama BinLulu in his den. I rest my case in peace.
"I like the scene in Fifth Element where the hero is being held at gun-point in his doorway, and has to tell his assailant how to take the safety catch off."
I remember that. Friggin' awesome. The whole movie friggin' was.
"Aziz, light!" :-)
"but I didn't want to into another transatlantic pissing contest."
Oh, you mean when we see who can piss across the whole ocean and reach the other shore first?
I always win at those. ;-)
"I'm thinking you are not all that bright."
Ah, now this one's a typical LEBANESE expression. Calling someone a "lamba", a lightbulb, actually means a dimbulb. Sarcasm. My esteemed fellow countryperson was doing the opposite here, a compliment that doesn't sound like one. Clever!!! :-)
I'm curious, what do you consider to be "real films"?
Films that express original ideas, as opposed to using the medium to present an "amusement park ride" with an unreal, predictable, shallow plot.
And most importantly: films that do not feature clichés.
Let's take Eo's hold-a-gun-on-someone-and-then-decide-to-cock-it as an example. Not only is that maneuver a cliché but featuring guns in a film in general is a cliché. It is quite telling that it is only the cocking part that is bothering Eo. Not the fact that there is a gun in the movie in the first place. You rarely see fire arms in real life. How come nearly every Hollywood movie has them no matter what the setting? And what's more, they are used like squirt guns.
The answer is that if you do not have the talent to write something original with real impact, you are likely to resort to symbols of impact and superficial action. It's almost as if the script writer was saying: I have no idea how to trigger anything in you, but what if we just put words expressing excitement in large letters on the screen, and you then experience them, ok? Come on, play along!
Another reason is that the American audience would feel uncomfortable in experiencing anything beyond their comfort zones; anything with an unclear moral in the story; anything that would go past their personal defences. Such a movie would not sell in the box office because word would quickly spread that the movie is "weird" -- it doesn't follow the plot and moral values they are used to.
Rule #6 of Trier and Vinterberg's DOGME 95 says: The film must not contain superficial action. (Murders, weapons, etc. must not occur.)The key word here is "superficial". If the plot calls for someone to be killed, then so be it, you need a weapon for that. But then present the death with the kind of emotional impact that you would experience if you were to witness a killing in real life.
When Arnold Schwarzenegger shoots those terrists like flies in his action comedies, the audience laughs and shouts: "cool, the terminator roolz !1!!1!!"
In comparison, check out the shooting scene in Dancer in the Dark. Or at the end, when the hatch opens under Selma (Björk), the singing stops and she hangs on the rope. You won't hear a word from the audience. Most feel physically ill. Exactly as they would if they were witnessing the scene in real life.
Not only is that maneuver a cliché but featuring guns in a film in general is a cliché.
No, it isn't.
It is quite telling that it is only the cocking part that is bothering Eo.
Yes, just not in the way you think.
Not the fact that there is a gun in the movie in the first place.
Probably because some people realize that it's okay to like more than one type of movie. I can take a no-holds-barred adrenaline-fueled thrill ride and be capable of enjoying more "serious" fare. It's a real shame you can't.
You rarely see fire arms in real life.
I hate to break it to you, chumly, but I don't want to live in a world where I go to the movies to see the kind of shit I see every day. Talk about boring.
How come nearly every Hollywood movie has them no matter what the setting?
Nearly every Hollywood movie? Widly overstated. And unsupported.
The answer is that if you do not have the talent to write something original with real impact, you are likely to resort to symbols of impact and superficial action.
I can see why you like Lars von Trier. Unfortunately it's only too easy to catch people's attention by doing something worse than anyone else has dared do it before. I can see why a guy like you is impressed by that kind of shallow, weirdness-for-weirdeness'-sake kind of schlock.
Another reason is that the American audience would feel uncomfortable in experiencing anything beyond their comfort zones; anything with an unclear moral in the story; anything that would go past their personal defences.
Unfortunately, people are pretty much the same everywhere. That's why American movies do so well internationally. This crap you claim to dislike (you protest too much, maybe) is certainly popular in Europe. I've met much the same kinds of people all over North and South America, Europe, Asia...
But then present the death with the kind of emotional impact that you would experience if you were to witness a killing in real life.
No filmmaker ever has or ever could achieve this. It is an impossibility.
In comparison, check out the shooting scene in Dancer in the Dark.
No, I'd rather not revisit that pile of shit. He tries too hard. At least someone like that douche Michael Bay is honest.
Most feel physically ill.
Not having seen it in the theatre I couldn't say anything about others' reactions, but it seemed very fake, lacked emotional impact, and was the equivalent of the gratuitious nude scene or gratuitous violence of an Arnie film. Anyone with any brains is not fooled by that kind of schlocky garbage.
Exactly as they would if they were witnessing the scene in real life.
No, sorry, but as I said before that is something beyond the powers of a mere motion picture. That is why we need not worry about becoming desensitized to movie violence, because when you see the real thing it has an impact that all the movie fakery in the world can't equal.
I've tried watching "European" films and they just don't quite work for me at times.
For example, "The Cook, The Theif, His Wife and Her Lover", the characters in that are just so abhorrent that I just can't bring myself to watch it again. I mean I love the lighting and flow of a Greenaway movie, but this one I draw exception to. I guess I shouldn't say his films are all perfect otherwise since I haven't seen "The Baby of Macon" or "8 1/2 Women" yet, but based on the other 10 or so I have seen I have to say that they are wonderful, dreamy and stimulating. "The Cook..." is just too disquietening.
There are other European films that leave you feeling cheated, like "A Bout De Souffle", maybe I was too young when I saw it (about 17), but I just remember a crabby guy moping around Paris. Paris is a beautiful city and much better addressed in films like Amelie, Triplets of Bellville (Bellville Rendezvous), Angel-A and The Red Balloon. All these are international successes, and so I guess are not truly European films or films that count.
Luc Besson, here's a mixed up dude. He's a French film maker, but look at how Hollywood his films are, take La Femme Nikita for example, or The Professional (okay, so that was filmed in the US, as was Fifth Element), and Angel-A. These films just look and feel Hollywood. Okay, they all have a twist of not Hollywood too, but they surely can't be termed real films.
I'd also like to point out turncoat European director, Alfred Hitchcock. Another European director who sold out with changed endings to his films like "The Lodger" and subtle changes in "Strangers on a train" to accomodate the US market.
There are also French films like "Cite des Enfants Perdu". The bold visuals in that film are surely taking it away from a real film, making it into a Hollywood style production of Steampunk with giants and cloning and secret bases at sea. Despite its pretentions it was a success here in the US.
As for not seeing guns every day. Sure we only see mass killings once in a while, not more than a couple of times a year, but shootings and killings are almost all the time on the local TV news.
There are also a lot of American films which challenge, and they are made for American audiences. I'm not talking about "Threads" or "Twilights Last Gleaming". What about films like Silent Running, THX-1138-4eb, Dark Star, Pi, Fargo, Fail Safe, to Kill a Mockingbird, Snow Cake, Dark Harbor, Closetland?
I also know that typical Americans don't like comic action films; for exasmple, most people I know who saw "The Italian Job" say they didn't like the ending, not knowing if the bus would fall over the cliff or not. I also have a lot of American friends who loved "Priest" (from Jimmy McGovern, writer of Cracker) when I showed it to them. That would seem to be a very unAmerican film if ever
I spent a few years with little TV/cinema time, and I made every minute "count". A better therapy would have been a daft comedy, something to make me laugh in those darker times. Now we have a balance, even taking in (but not always liking) French farces, Easter block SF, Australian drug stories and, yes, even the new Star Trek. One can eat salads and appreciate fine coffees, but you also need a Mars bar (Milky way in the US) once in a while.
As for seeing every day shit in films. That can be really effective, for example "Blow Dry", "Vacuuming Completely Nude in Paradise", "Making Out"(tv series), "Billy Liar", "A Taste of Honey", "Shirley Valentine" and a host of others.
Rambling on now. I must be sleep deprived.
Two upcoming films I'm looking forward to: Iron Sky and Trier's Antichrist. I have no idea if they are good or not, but certain originality is to be expected from both.
Huffington Post comments on the latter. Trier seems to be his usual self :-). Peter Brunette, film critic for Hollywood Reporter, didn't like it, which sounds promising.
"A work of art is the result of a unique temperament. Its beauty comes from the fact that the author is what he is. It has nothing to do with the fact that other people want what they want." - Oscar Wilde
Interesting. In the press conference, the first question comes from a reporter who violently demands that Trier justifies why he made the film. Trier's answer: I don't have to explain anything. You are my guests, not the other way around [link].
"At least someone like that douche Michael Bay is honest."
He really is an a-hole, isn't he? I heard his commentary for Transformers, and he was so proud of scaring the piss out of everybody who works under him.
While I'm not a fan of Trier as a person, I agree with him there, the journalist is an idiot to *demand* that he "justify" the movie. Especially since he did not specify what there is to justify.
I'm pretty much with "Mr. Dick Is My Father" here. While deeper art is essential, I would not like to live in a world without light entertainment.
----
[By the way, now I also don't get emails when Joe posts, as well as Kent. Irritating and puzzling.]
While deeper art is essential, I would not like to live in a world without light entertainment.
But we were not talking about deep vs. light, or art vs. entertainment. We were talking about clichés vs. originality, or, good vs. bad.
I, too, love light entertainment. For example Marx Brothers, Benny Hill, A Bit of Fry and Laurie and The Office.
But superficial use of guns and killing in movies (which Dick argued is fine because he wouldn't want to live in a world where movies replicated his everyday reality) is just silly and bad taste. Both in "art" films and in light entertainment.
There is one American TV series (in the "light entertainment" genre) which does not depict guns and killing in a superficial way: Columbo.
Blah-blah-blah, "Your HTML cannot be accepted: Must be at most
characters"
Only 4,096? Wussy wimp!
Bah! Boo! Bloody bonehead Blogger bumming out my beautiful Big Boasting Burbling Babblings in the wabe! Fiddlesticks and jabberwok!
It's a conspiracy, I tell you!
(sigh) I'll have to split it in thin slices then.
Whining voice: "But I like amusement park ride movies with an unreal plot!"
Well, if they're entertaining unreal superhero/cartoony movies, like Iron Man. ;-)
"Not the fact that there is a gun in the movie in the first place. You rarely see fire arms in real life."
If movies were just like real life, who would watch them? We've got spying on our neighbors and gossiping for that.
Oh, and soap operas. :-)
[Where are my binoculars? Ah, yes, next to the window, their usual place. Now, did Mrs Hussein finally off her womanizing husband, I wonder?]
Then again, one person's ordinary life is another's fascinating discovery. I bet if I wrote a biography of what it was like to grow up in Lebanon in the Seventies-Eighties, it would sell like crazy in the West.
(Not that any of my presumed writing talent would contribute. This stuff would sell ITSELF, baby!)
A classmate of my LITTLE brother used to sleep with a gun under his pillow, and drove a car when he wasn't even 10. A common scene back then.
BTW, that "you rarely see" stuff doesn't apply to Lebanon. Read the very first Asterix:
"They're all armed! Even the children!
- (the smiling hero) Yes, we must always be prepared to repel an attack from the Romans."
"How come nearly every Hollywood movie has them no matter what the setting?"
E.T. doesn't. Not any more. Now the policemen (still no policepersons...) in that movie freaking out at the weird alien (with no turban or beard, amazing!) only point fingers and talkie-walkies. ;-p
"Police! Stop, or... my Mom will shoot (her mouth off at you)!" Yeah, that should intimidate the perps into cooperating
And Disney cartoons only have them in the hands of the good guys, like Mickey's hunting trips. So that's okay, right? I mean, if the firearms are all in the hands of the good guys, then there's no problem, right? And long live America. F*** yeah!
We could use a montage right about now.
"And what's more, they are used like squirt guns."
Come on, nobody claimed that pornies were real movies! ;-)
In porn, a squirt gun filled with strawberry yogurt is called Special Effects, so what? Fake squirt, that's "movie magic mojo", baby.
"what if we just put words expressing excitement in large letters on the screen"?
Batman : the Movie and its ridiculeuse comic book-like fight scene again? I thought this discussion was over!
[P.S.: This may come as a surprise, but Poison Ivy in the Lego Batman videogame manages to be darn sexy, even with her cubic silhouette. Really.]
"cool, the terminator roolz !!!!!!!"
Yeah, Arnie and Sly are such classic comic actors. Kindergarten Cop and Stop! Or my mom will shoot are timeless mastahpieces. lol
Really, I'm lolling right now, here.
"Unfortunately, people are pretty much the same everywhere. That's why American movies do so well internationally."
Joe, have you been to Iran lately? I heard that Steven Seagall and Chuck Norris flicks aren't doing too well these days... ;-)
"No filmmaker ever has or ever could achieve this. It is an impossibility."
I beg to differ. I've already been physically shocked by some on-screen murders.
Not in Arnie movies, truth be told.
It's all about AUTHENTIC realism. Not just of the visuals, but of the whole context.
And trust me, I know. I've seen people die in real life. Many times. Not just terminal zombies in Intensive Care, either. Brutal, "ordinary" violent death.
In the same line, the realistically-presented (and unsimulated) sex scenes in 9 songs or Sex and Lucia I found more highly erotic than pornies, because it was a fully-explicit ROMANTIC SCENE. Not just fake-os mechanically doing the rabbity stuff with generic grunts and oily sweating and "oh-oh-oh's", but a couple making love.
I've watched the interviews in 9 Songs, Margo Stilley is quite cute, with that little Shelley Duvall side to her. She tells some very interesting stuff avout having real sex on camera for a "real" movie. Quite informative. No Tracy Lords interview will ever tell you such stuff. It's rare, and it's got something quite authentic to it.
There's flicks showing deaths or sex, and then there's Cinema. Immersive, real-feeling stuff.
I've also seen some very disturbing films where pretty much all the violence was mental cruelty. Some will give you the goosebumps. One of those was an old B&W French film telling the real story of an "ordinary" difficult childhood, and still it deeply marked me. Ask Hitchcock. He knew. It's not what you show, it's what is perceived. BIG difference...
Samely, European movies (I know French ones best) show most nudity in a manner that would stun an average American movie viewer. Casual, natural, and realistic even when the context is sexual. US movies do it as über-fake as the dreaded "erotic genre". Including that (in)famous undies thing!
A while ago, the Marvel Comics fan which I am watched Man-Thing. Worked rather okay, I guess, but one has to be very indulgent with the ludicrous beginning scene.
The youngsters of this remote Deep South town are having a party in the wild. A couple of them go deep in the woods to make out, and you just KNOW it's an excuse for the Creature to kill one or both. To make the cliché perfect, the girl starts screaming hysterically, while deliberately over-jiggling her OH SO FAKE bare boobs. A hillbilly babe with implants? Puh-leeze!
The rest of the movie was redeeming in comparison, although not too climactic. Still, the fact that the whole of it had a green hue added to it to suggest the vegetation monster's lurking shadow worked rather well.
I think that whole opening scene might have been a mere excuse to send the children to bed before the mass-killing started, and to ensure a rating not too lenient. Possibly. Violence alone wasn't safe enough to guarantee that in the USA.
The hanky-panky scene wasn't even titillating. I'm more hesitating between boredom and ironic laughter at the silliness of the trope.
"At least someone like that douche Michael Bay is honest."
Hey, don't you call the guy who gave us Transformers (and is filming a sequel, woo-hoo!) an intimate hygiene act!
And it you even remotely diss Sam Raimi, the two of us are really going to get into a manly disagreement. (BTW, if I'm the offended one challenging you, do the rules give you the choice of weapons? I can't remember.)
"the equivalent of the gratuitious nude scene or gratuitous violence of an Arnie film."
There are gratuitious nude scenes in Arnie films? Oh-boy-oh-boy-oh-boy! Where? Where? Pant-pant-pant!
Oh. Right. Terminators emerging in the Present. And the beginning sauna scene (scena sawn?) in Red Heat. But surely there's got to be something better in his filmography. Hot babes with real boobs, some lovemaking NOT frilous under the sheets and with undies...
Come on, Joe, be a pal! Tell me.
"All these are international successes, and so I guess are not truly European films or films that count."
Oh, so you mean a European film that gets appreciated in the States de facto isn't a "true" European film?
Mon Dieu, it's like saying that any Frenchman who doesn't surrender is le renegade! C'est choquant!
"I'd also like to point out turncoat European director, Alfred Hitchcock."
I rest my case. Rest in pieces, case.
[Insert mad Joker laughter sound effect here.]
If old Al accomodated the US market, I'm sure it wasn't originally HIS hypocritical idea. Cultural protectionnism, is what it is, aye sir it is, I say. Methinks. Guv'nor. Pip-pip. And all that sort of things.
"Vacuuming Completely Nude in Paradise"? Now, this is so weird-sounding that I just HAVE to see it.
Plus, it has nudity in the title, so that's a no-brainer anyway! :-)
BTW, Alex, it's nice to know you enjoyed The Red Balloon. I didn't star in many films, so every little bit counts...
;o)
"Peter Brunette, film critic for Hollywood Reporter, didn't like it, which sounds promising."
:-)
What, you mean like anything that infuriates the Moral Lobby?
"I heard his commentary for Transformers, and he was so proud of scaring the piss out of everybody who works under him."
"Bumblebee, stop leaking lubricating fluid on the man!""For example Marx Brothers"
You dare call Marx Brothers "light entertainment"? Take it back, sir, lest I smite thee on the spot!
Why not say the same of Salvador Dali, while you're at it?
Now, The Three Stooges, okay, THAT was "just" light, with no extraordinary deep philosophical insanity at every half-minute. But Groucho? He was an electrically overloaded friggin' genius! Call me a Marxist.
"Marxist? Come here, Marxist, by Jupiter!"
"Columbo."
I think this series barely even showed a gun being fired at all.
Respect to da man. Feter Falk ruled. Yo. Word life.
Make way.
BTW, Alex, it's nice to know you enjoyed The Red Balloon. I didn't star in many films, so every little bit counts...
;o)I didn't know that was you. I found the sequel on YouTube, quite depressing.
"Vacuuming Completely Nude in Paradise"? Now, this is so weird-sounding that I just HAVE to see it.
Plus, it has nudity in the title, so that's a no-brainer anyway! :-)Timothy Spall - great actor. Danny Boyle - great director.
TV Budget - film relies more on plot and acting than FX.
"All these are international successes, and so I guess are not truly European films or films that count."
Oh, so you mean a European film that gets appreciated in the States de facto isn't a "true" European film?I was hoping to sarcastically soften the idea that all American films are Hollywood, all Italian films are porno's, all French films are effed up head games with nudity, and all British films are comedies about people passing wind and sneaking a peak at boobies.
Glad to know my efforts were in vein.
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