Outing Your Innie
By Susan Henderson
What's an Innie? Are you one?
According to Marti Olsen Laney in her groundbreaking book The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World, introversion is a type of temperament. We are born with it; it is in our genes. She writes: "It is not the same as shyness or having a withdrawn personality, and it is not pathological. It is also not something you can change. But you can learn to work with it, not against it."
Extroverts (Outies) outnumber Introverts (Innies) three to one. Our cultural bias towards the outer-directed characteristics of this type of temperament has caused many an Introvert (Innies) to believe something is wrong with them starting in childhood where the rewards are given for action and speaking up - such as class participaton as 25% of your grade. The truth is one is not better than the other. The primary difference between Innies and Outies is where their source of energy comes from.
Outies are energized by the outer world and gain that energy by participating in activities outside of themselves. They enjoy talking, socializing and working around people; feeling refreshed by the contact. This is their fuel.
Innies, however, refuel their energy by the internal world of impressions, ideas, emotions, and thinking things through. Although they may like people very much, just being in crowds, classes and noisy social functions can be draining and they feel the need to escape to a quiet place to refuel.
December is probably the most stressful month for Innies with crowded shopping malls, office parties, and family gatherings, large or small. You do not have to attend every function that comes along, but if you can't avoid (or want to attend) a gathering, that you know will drain you, here are some tips offered in The Introvert Advantage to conserve your energy before you go.
Don't schedule too many social occasions in the same week. Take a walk, read, nap, or sit in nature before the get-together. Drink plenty of water and take deep breaths when you feel anxious about the party.
Eat some protein to boost your energy before you leave home. Have the sitter come early so you can get ready without a hassle. Listen to a relaxation tape of calming music on the way to the party. Set aside time the following morning to recharge.
Since I am a raging Innie, I have to gird my loins in order to get out amongst the masses. I know my limits and I do stategize a plan before I go. Once there I tend to find a place to plant myself and stay in one spot observing or entering into some deeper and more interesting conversations with whoever may show up. If things get too over-whelming, there is always the option of a bathroom break for quiet and a few deep calming breaths. When I have had enough, I unapologetically take my leave.
Happy Holidays!
Hugs, Susan
20 comments:
If you have an outie and you gain weight, it might becomme an innie.
Oh, we weren't talking about navels? Never mind then. ;-)
Funny thing, it is : I've always regarded myself as an innie (and I don't mean my navel!), ever since childhood. By the standards of the society I'm in, I am one. In less industrialized countries, an outie is VERY "outie". (Think of outgoing à la "The Sims".)
You could say I balance my inningness with this blog. Or, more accurately, I'm a relative innie in my society because the norm is all about being artificially outie. Too many behaviors arbitrarily set on maintaining appearances while not meaning the half of it.
Jokes aside, this blog allows for some very relevant discussions compared to what I see. And even the jokes are of a higher level. (Yes, really.)
And even the jokes are of a higher level. (Yes, really.)
From what I've been reading your jokes are making some very angry and hurt.
What's up with that kind of comment, anonymous? Can you give any sort of example to support your claim?
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
In my view, material/human life is 0.1% of existence. All the real value lies in abstract ideas and spirituality.
Hi everyone. I've been a bit of a lurker here for a while. Sorry I haven't chimed in before. I have to say that I agree with Lucid here. I am a lot like that too. When I am home alone, I don't even turn on the TV or even music. I sit quietly and read or meditate or use the computer. I enjoy the time alone and in peace. When I have to be sociable I am quite capable and comfortable in those situations as well. Most people who know me think of me as outgoing, but I feel more introverted and contemplative myself inside. As a child I was painfully shy and never in the "popular crowd". It wasn't until I was in college that I was able to go to parties and be able to meet people and be comfortable in navigating those kinds of social situations. Also as Lucid mentioned, I too would rather choose communication of substance as small talk is hard to do when you feel it is fake and insincere.
Can you give any sort of example to support your claim?
Don't you read any of them Hannah? If not then there's no need to rehash some of his ill-related jokes.
eolake said...
In my view, material/human life is 0.1% of existence. All the real value lies in abstract ideas and spirituality.
You don't get out much do you Eolake Stobblehouse?
I don't read all of the comments for every post on this blog, especially since I sometimes get a little bit intimidated by Pascal and Lucid Twilight's comments. However, I've never ever seen anything that I couldn't interpret as incredibly humanitarian, perceptive, thoughtful and kind in any way.
So... I guess it's all a matter of perception. :)
"You don't get out much do you"
Dear Mr. Anonymous,
Did you read the article? The whole point is that for most people, "going out" is all well and good, for people with a rich inner life, it is mostly a waste of time.
A few quick points, Mr(?) Anonymous.
1°-The only way not to offend anybody is to do nothing. There shall always be some jumpy critics. Nobody ever accomplished anything worthwile by fearing controversy.
I don't do it for the sake of it. I don't like harsh controversy one bit, but I do it IN SPITE of it. To try and accomplish something. With a smile when possible.
2°-Judging me -or anyone for that matter- without bothering to also read the very serious stuff I also say quite often is more than a bit unfair. I can't be responsible for every person who's overly sensitive! Those who bother to give me ONE chance to explain, clarify or apologize never regretted it so far.
Permanently treading on eggs, forever, because there shall always be some newcomers would lead us nowhere.
3°-Someone already said they wanted to remain anonymous for fear that I might be the kind of jerk to go troll their pages. Let's skip any comments about such swift labelling, and just point out that anybody can have the basic politeness to choose a random alias. Considering the number of people that "anonymous" may refer to, it feels to me like staying hidden in the middle of the croud to shout anything you like. It does seem a bit uneducated, don't you think?
Signed : "A friend".
eolake, re. material/ human life being 0.1% of existence, the rest being abstract ideas and spirituality, it is a very rare thing to know this. To speak it is to risk crucifixion!
I agree with this incredible statement.
one term I take exception to: "abstract" -- because the more "conscious" and "true" the reality is, some may find it abstract, others may find it the most highly intimate, incarnate and practical of states.
how semantics gets in the way!
(smile)
Laurie
Hannah, I love your voice and comments on this blog. I look for it. Your voice is like a warm quilt, or the cup of tea that people need. Don't be intimidated by others. YOu add something beautiful and female. Your person is very much appreciated.
Laurie
Re. those two fellows, yeah. Their mind's are formidable, but I surmise their feelings are just like ours.
I sometimes get a little bit intimidated by Pascal and Lucid Twilight's comments.
At times they both write extremely long long answers which go on for days repeating the same thing over and over. I think they mean well but they often write just to write if you understand? (They write novels in many responses for answers.) Don't get hostile people, especially you Pascal. Please. Don't attack me with your sharp tongue. Alright? It's my opinion.
Intimidated? (Chuckles) For me to be intimidated by others on a blog would be a waste of time. Don't let others do that to you.
Remember, you said yourself you own your own feelings.
I'd rather read a brief and concise answer or opinion instead of War and Peace.
Sorry, Mr. Anonymous, but I'm not really comfortable with the way you interpreted what I said.
At times they both write extremely long long answers which go on for days repeating the same thing over and over. I think they mean well but they often write just to write if you understand? (They write novels in many responses for answers.)
I never added the same connotations to "long" which you are - they're long but they make excellent points which just happen to take more words. Then I come along with my short answered which often don't have all that many nuances and I doubt that I'm commenting at the same level. That's personal for me and is in no way meant to mean anything negative about them.
I'm not trying to start an argument here, I'm just trying to clarify what I meant before it's taken the wrong way.
Don't get hostile people, especially you Pascal. Please. Don't attack me with your sharp tongue. Alright? It's my opinion.
I'm very curious what you've based this on. Pascal? Hostile? Sharp tongue - perhaps, but until now I've never seen it do anything remotely hurtful. So then it just makes no sense. I'm trying to understand where you're coming from, Mr. Anonymous, but not having a whole lot of luck.
Sure, everybody's entitled to their own opinion. You might find the previous discussion about this (click here for it) fairly interesting. I'm kind of surprised that you say something like that here - I can't think of a more tolerant environment.
Intimidated? (Chuckles) For me to be intimidated by others on a blog would be a waste of time. Don't let others do that to you.
See comment above. I believe I make the point that I'm not letting them, I'm doing it myself and I'm ok with it. And while I'm impressed by what they've written, I'm pretty sure I'm not wasting my time.
Mr. Anonymous, what are you doing? It's almost like you're having more fun trying to stir us up than actually contributing to interesting discussions. Why would you want to do that?
Why would you want to do that?
Hannah, I'm not trying to stir anything up, honestly. If it sounded that way please forgive me. I'm not a troublemaker. I dislike arguments.
I'm sorry I did not qoute you corrrectly and Lucid your point was well taken. Handshake? Okay?
Have a good day all, you too Pascal.
"(If I sound like I'm full of myself, it's partially because I am. ;)"
Oh, I'd say you still have some room left in there. :-D
I have developed and finalized that new theory, a few days ago. We are one-third what we are born (with our genes and ancestors), and one-third what we are made into by environment, education and life experiences. "What about the last third", you'll ask? This one is our free will, and is always there.
If you count carefully, this means we are more than 50% free (in the worst-case scenario!), because our innate nature is a part of WHO we are, a work basis for our freedom. Otherwise we'd all just be so many random entities, wouldn't we? :-)
If I were bold, I'd say that even God doesn't know where the last third will take us, because these are the rules He has set and chosen to follow. When God gives us freedom, He chooses to give up His all-powerfulness (or all-knowingness?) by never taking away that freedom, by giving us this power to wield ourselves. And I see this as a sign of great love.
I believe this meets with what you said, Lucid. We are origins, becoming, and choice. All three must try and be in peace with each other to achieve harmony, fulfillment, and therefore happiness.
"It seems that most of what's associated with this extroverted society of ours is incredibly fake."
This is exactly why I'm an innie by lebanese criteria. Even though I'm quite far from being an autist locked inside myself!
"Where is the substance in this way of life? There are lots of flashing lights and pretty colors, but the people could easily be mistaken for cardboard cut-outs with word bubbles containing their favorite catch phrases."
This eerily reminds me of a pinball machine...
"It is rarely considered that there's something wrong with the system that makes introverts seem weird."
The days past of respected hermits are long gone...
"Douse the flames of your heart and do what you are supposed to do, lest ye wander off the path to the gates of oblivion."
Hey, mister preacher, how can you know where this path leads, if you've never followed it yourself? (The big-mouthed blasphemous rebel in me shows up again!)
"It is how I interpretted the messages pounded into my mind during my formative years."
Lucky you! I never had the luxury of having any interpretation to make, it was all stated quite explicitly by some. :-(
Epona, congratulations in working up the nerve, and welcome under our spotlights. Especially with such intelligent comments. I hope we'll be hearing more of you. :-)
I seem to recall Epona is the name of a Gaul goddess. Pretty name/alias, too. You have celtic origins?
"I sometimes get a little bit intimidated by Pascal and Lucid Twilight's comments."
Please don't, Hannah. I'd hate to feel intimidating.
I only talk about what I'm capable of. In many domains, I'm very clumsy. Including, I'm sure, some in which you shine and excel. I've verified from experience that most people, if not all, have precious qualities inside them. Including some of the most unlikely at first glance, so this is probably universal. Open up, sis. Lucid and I don't bite. :-)
Tell you what : I propose to show you how not intimidating I really am. Say, over a candlelight dinner in the Eiffel Tower's restaurant this New Year's eve? I'll have my buddy the Maharadjah of Singh-Happur send his gold-plated platinum Rolls with chauffeur to pick you up, and Bill Gates is lending me his third Learjet (he owes me a couple favors...) to fly you over. Dress casually, it's only a small informal caviar-foie gras-Dom Perignon little private something with the Dalai-Lama, Vlad Putin, Kevin Costner, J.K. Rowling, Steve Spielberg... very intimate and un-intimidating. (I can't be intimidating, I'm the most modest person in the world, as testified by the Guinnes Book!)
"Re. those two fellows, yeah. Their mind's are formidable, but I surmise their feelings are just like ours."
I reckon their feelings just got more shy than yours, after such a compliment! As I was just saying, seen under the right angle, most everyone will appear formidable. That pre-schooler and his baby sister who idolize me so much? I think their limitless love and trust are what's really formidable! :-)))
It's all relative.
"To speak it is to risk crucifixion!"
Aw, don't compare Eolake to Jesus, you'll intimidate him. ;-)
Don't forget, he's an innie!
"And even doing nothing isn't going to sit well with some people."
Hey, how did you guess I had ALSO tried that? Really, I have.
"Frankly, you can't exist without ticking somebody off."
Yeah, some people told me, when I asked them why they disliked me so much, that it was "the simple fact I existed". They're angry, but such witty people!... ;-)
"It's amazing how far people will go out of their way to be miserable. It's a good thing we don't have to accept the invitation to join them, no?"
Yep. From time to time, I'll risk seeming rude an decline those. *<8o)
"At times they both write extremely long long answers which go on for days repeating the same thing over and over."
I'm painfully aware of this. Alas, it seems that some things I still don't say often enough for some people to notice. Like my certainty that racism is absurd, both as a theory and an attitude.
"Don't get hostile people, especially you Pascal."
If you expected me to, then you really don't know me. Never mind, that'll come with time. :-)
I know my sharp tongue is registered as a lethal weapon in seven countries. I have a licence for that. Outside my "00 agent" work, I'm forbidden to use it except in clear and immediate danger.
Okay, more seriously, I'm quite aware I can intimidate or bore some with my output volume. See it as a necessary evil, I have a heart overflowing with thoughts to share! (My therapist recommended I kept doing just that. You know, what with my dangerous tongue, wouldn't want to see me get repressed and all.)
As I said, some may feel that I suck, but I don't bite. (^_^)
"(They write novels in many responses for answers.)"
It's professional training, you see. When I get tired of working as a verbal executioner, I intend to finally leave this blog and write REAL novels. (Harrumph! Please, refrain your cheers of joy.)
I also post some concise comments (My record is one single word.) But they are the most fertile soil for misunderstandings...
Please, do pick yourself an alias, any alias, so that we'll know when we're hearing the same person. It's too confusing otherwise, one can never get to know you as yourself. (Hey, in you ever feel targeted one day, you can just change it and start with a blank record.) See that "Other" option up there on the right, between "Blogger" and "Anonymous"? That's how I do it. :-)
Or you can sign with a little something in the end, like Paul Alexandru Cazacliu does it so well.
Here in Lebanon, we have a litterature equivalent to War and Peace or Prologue to the Canterbury Tales. It's called Ibn Khaldoon's Introduction. Looks like there's one of those boring, chatty fellas in every culture! (Hey, it takes one to know one, right?)
"it's no skin off my teeth if they don't"
Yay, I've learned a new witty expression today! :-)))
Just who (or what) on Earth has skin on their teeth, anyway?
"You won't get any hostile responses from us, have no fear of that."
YOU!!! How dare you speak on my behalf? You take it back right now, or else... or else, you'll be right, but that's not the point! Grrr!...
Would you per chance happen to own a company? I don't consider takeovers as "responses". Strictly business. You see, I'm awaiting a response to my CV from King Zod, re. that royal jester position, and in the meantime I'm getting bored so I fiddle with the stock market for some pocket change.
"Then I come along with my short answered which often don't have all that many nuances and I doubt that I'm commenting at the same level."
Hey, I see only one level here. And you do seem level-headed, no? ;-)
I'd love to have my shorts answered or signed by a pretty woman, anyway.
"I'm not trying to start an argument here"
Damn pacifists! How am I supposed to get some good healthy hostile fun if everybody wants peace and understanding?
I've tried to search for Pres. Ahmadinejad's negationnist international conference, but that primitive cactus-face has never heard of a blog or the internet!
(For the record, he said that "Israel will soon disappear", and I wanted to ask : "Will you also deny it ever existed, that day?")
"Sharp tongue - perhaps, but until now I've never seen it do anything remotely hurtful."
Okay, so maybe when I display my talents as a lumberjack the trees feel something. Very briefly! [Swiiisshhh!...]
"It's almost like you're having more fun trying to stir us up than actually contributing to interesting discussions."
Some newcomer saw a "private joke" of mine at the beginning of a thread, and called me a "troll". I don't believe in trolls. I think Anon. is just finding his marks, because he's already said some intelligent and promising stuff. (Is that sharp enough for you?)
"Have a good day all, you too Pascal."
I've never read War and Peace, because I'm too busy with Peace and Love. :-)
I can't believe that a posting about this topic brought about so much enjoyable controversy!!! I have not read so many intelligent and well written comments in a long time. Thanks!
Back to the topic at hand, I am definitely an introvert...but if you ask anybody they would say I am an extrovert because I make people laugh and I have no sense of ridiculous (I am determined not to be stopped by shyness...at least not always;-) and because I voice my opinion.... what people in general don't know is that in order to "perform" for a couple of hours, I need my aloneness and peace. In my home or in nature or with a cozy chat with a friend is where I recharge.
I actually confirmed that I was an introvert when I was doing a team building course based on Myers-Briggs personality types...then everything was very clear.
And yes, December is the worst month for me, as I really want to attend to all the social things happening around me… but I need to balance them with my time alone.
The good news with the book is that I have acquired a new “strength” I can use in my CV: being introverted is an advantage now!!!
Fairy Dust to all
Thanks for the welcome, Pascal. Yes, Epona is the Goddess of Horses. I do not have any Celtic origins, just a deep affinity for horses and Celtic art, history, legends, etc. I am from the USA and am a mix of French Canadian, Polish, and German ancestry. I know, quite the mutt.
Ale the Fairy said...
I have not read so many intelligent and well written comments in a long time. Thanks!
Thank YOU, Ale. It's so pleasant to see I don't inspire negative feelings to everybody! :-)
The thing is, when you're confident you're friendly, you become comfortable with innocently joking, but it's not always that obvious to those who just meet me.
Hey, I'd take up the alias "Mr Nice Guy" to announce it clearly, but Jackie Chan already used it.
It's funny, how many people express things about their intro/extraversion that I feel apply so well to me. :-)
"Outgoing by principle, but rejecting the shallowness of forgetting the potential vastness of your inner universe."
When I played the Sims, and saw what it's like to be "outgoing", I chose that option. I bear with the "gossip" part, because I enjoy the sock puppets, card tricks, mumbling jokes, and especially balancing a vacuum cleaner on my head! (Some day, I'll learn that trick for real. If my mom doesn't kill me first...)
"I actually confirmed that I was an introvert [...] then everything was very clear."
Knowing your nature is the essential first step in accepting and loving yourself, and making wise choices guided by that knowledge.
I see the refusal of some people to be fully sincere with themselves as the cause of many, perhaps most, of the world's problems. Would Napoleon or Hitler have become zealous conquerors if they had been confident about themselves, with nothing they just HAD to prove? Probably not.
So Epona is the Goddess of horses, eh? I love 'em and Celtic culture too. Aah, the beautiful melody of a bagpipe well played, watching the herds of ponies run free on the misty moor! And perhaps Ale's cousins lurking among the flower bushes preparing some prank.
Me, I'm the same recipe as you, but with different ingredients. :-)
I am sincerely hoping that with our planet becoming one big village, xenophobia and racism will die out by themselves. Mixed marriages are Love's glorious weapon to forever quit making war. Hey, if everybody becomes different, then nobody's different!
(I'd settle for "everybody" reaching 50%. Hopefully. Call me a dreamer.)
Peace and happiness to all, in this holiday season and all the rest of the year as well.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some sleighbells to polish for tomorrow night's shift. Santa needs the contribution of his local delivery teams.
°<:o)}}
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