April one, 2006: In a press conference today, President George W. Bush appeared to admit that the war in Iraq was a mistake.
"We were led to believe, that is, Dick Cheeney and myself, we heard from our allies... Various intelligence was passed onto ourselves, and we made certain decisions... Well, to make a long story short, we gone to war and maybe it wasn't strictly necessary. Well, of course it was necessary, don't get me wrong, why would we have done it? But strictly speaking maybe we did not do due diligence and maybe diplomatic options were not exhausted, I am now being adviced.
"I'd like to pass on my most sincere apologies to the families of all the American heroes who have died. I am sure that Mr. Hussein is also contrite and sends his apologies to all the civilian Iraqies who we have killed.
"Also I'd like to take this opportunity to make a solemn promise to the American people that this country will never again go to war unless there is a pressing reason. Or at least a few good excuses which will not evaporate by the following Wednesday."
After stepping from the podium, the president was overheard commenting to aides: "Thank god it is only on April first every year I'm required to do things like this. It is really not my bag."