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Best Gunfighter

There was a young cowboy who wanted more than anything to be the greatest gunfighter in the West. He practiced every minute of his spare time, but he knew that he wasn't yet first-rate and that he would need some more advice and practice.

Sitting in a saloon one Saturday night, he recognized an old man standing at the bar who, in his day, had the reputation of being the fastest gun in the West.

The young cowboy took a place next to the old-timer, bought him a drink and told him the story of his great ambition.

"Do you think you could give me some tips?" he asked.

The old man looked him up and down and said, "Well, for one thing, you're wearing your gun too high. Tie the holster a little lower down on your leg."

"Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the young man.

"Sure will," replied the old-timer.

The young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his .44 and shot the bow tie off the piano player.

"That's terrific!" said the hot shot. "Got any more tips for me?"

"Yep," said the old man. "Cut a notch out of your holster where the hammer hits it. That'll give you a smoother draw."

"Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the younger man.

"You bet it will," said the old-timer.

The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his gun and shot a cuff-link off the piano player.

"Wow!" exclaimed the cowboy. "I'm learnin' somethin' here! Got any more tips?"

"Sure do," the old timer said. He turned to the bartender and said, "Bring me a bucket of that cookin' oil from the kitchen, if you will, please." The bartender brought out the cooking oil.

"Now dip your gun in the oil," the old-timer said.

The young man dipped the barrel of his gun in the oil.

"No," said the old-timer, "I mean dunk the gun all the way in, handle and all."

"Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the young man.

"No," said the old-timer, "but when Wyatt Earp gets done playing the piano, he's gonna shove that gun where the sun don't shine, and it won't hurt as much if it's oiled up first."