Joe Kissell writes about instant messaging and introverts. I find it very interesting, because just like Joe, I've been puzzled about why I never seemed to take to IM very much. Seeing as I love e-mail.
But it makes sense. As an introvert, I have a very, very strong aversion to Invasion Of My Space. And IM usually feels like that.
"I routinely hear people talk about introversion as a problem that needs fixing or as a trait that one should actively try to suppress and change. True enough, extroverts tend to be the movers and shakers, the squeaky wheels, and the stars. On the other hand, many introverts have famously risen to positions of wealth, influence, and authority - both in the real world (Warren Buffett, Albert Einstein, Bill Gates, Al Gore, Julia Roberts, Barbara Walters) and in fiction (Batman, Jane Eyre, Dr. Jean Gray, Harry Potter, Mr. Spock). The point is: there's nothing wrong with being an introvert, and this characteristic need not keep anyone from success or happiness."
Jes said:
Well, I'm an introvert if there ever was one, and IM is actually my preferred form of communication. I think of it as normal conversation in slow motion. I can think about what I'm saying and then type it out.
It seems like the main difference with the author of this article is he's always busy when he's at his computer, and that's not the case with me. In fact, a lot of the time my computer's on, it's because I'm waiting for one of my friends to get online.
You may be onto something. It seems Joe and I have this in common that when we're by the computer, we're "on" and thinking intensely. I think the computer does this to some people, and not to others.
Update:
Hannah said:
I guess I'm a combination as well. I can spend time with people, I can enjoy new people sometimes - but only on my own terms. Otherwise, on the weeekends, it's not unusual to 24 hours without talking. Maybe I'll email people or IM - but I can ignore that if I want, unlike in face to face or telephone conversations.
But stick me in a room with lots of noise and lots of people and I'll panic. I can't keep track of what's going on, there's no overview, there's too much sound and too many people and I start to feel very claustrophobic and stressed - and will eventually completely flip.
Hm.. maybe I am an introvert?
Does it really matter, though? Why is it so hard to believe that some people just don't always want to communicate?
People, including myself in the past, tend to say "I'm a combination" or words to that effect. But it's important to note for one thing that being an introvert is by no means a weakness, not even in the extroverted USA. And for another thing, an introvert is not a person who does not like other people or can't deal with them. If you're interested, do a search and find my ealier posts on this subject, there are links to good articles.
I think also the world needs to note that there are many, many more ways to Communicate than face to face. Reading books, meditating, watching movies, email, phone, communing with nature... it's a whole big universe. A friend once gave me a funny postcard which said: "I live in my own little world. It's OK, they know me here." Very funny, but she said she regards me as doing that, and nothing could be more wrong, even if sometimes days can pass where I barely see anybody face to face. I think some people just don't understand all those other ways of communicating with the universe or with people, and so they only see you "living in your own little world".
10 comments:
I'm not sure if I'm an extroverted introvert, or an introverted extrovert?
I love to be ON, a strong desire to speak in front of an audience of over 10K, I love meeting new people, going OTT, I'd love to dress publicly like a drag queen, and one day I want a part in a film or on stage as a Drag Queen.
But at home, with family or by myself I want to be alone with them or myself only - but at the same time my home is open, along with my phone literally 24/7 to friends or anyone that just needs to talk. I once had a delightful two hour phone conversation with a girl that called me as a wrong number.
In the USA my friends were always there - dropping over at anytime of day or night, calling at all hours, but here in the UK no one does that - "one must call one before one arrives".
At home when the wife is at work and the kids are in school I love my time alone to read, sleep, study, write, surfing and I turn the phone off.
However I get excited as the time comes for me to pick up the kids from school, again when it's time for my wife to come home, or if we're going out to see friends, or friends are coming over.
We live in a small village of 1100, and our house is isolated from all the others, and I absolutely love the privacy, the freedom of the solitude, to sit outside naked, and at the same time I love throwing parties here with lots of people wandering around having a good time.
I'm not really sure what I am but hey, without introverts how would we know which ones were the extroverts? ;-)
Jerry
Well, I'm an introvert if there ever was one, and IM is actually my preferred form of communication. I think of it as normal conversation in slow motion. I can think about what I'm saying and then type it out.
It seems like the main difference with the author of this article is he's always busy when he's at his computer, and that's not the case with me. In fact, a lot of the time my computer's on, it's because I'm waiting for one of my friends to get online.
Hmm... it seems to me that I read somewhere that most military generals are introverts who have to act as extroverts as the situation demands. I married an introvert and it has been a fascinating experience seeing what that really means.
Yes? How's that?
To me, IM (or any other form of instant communications) just feels like a very short leash.
My mailbox gets updated every two minutes, and my response time is most often under five minutes when I'm at my desk. And odds are that I won't be able to help you if I'm away from my computer, anyway.
Now, why would I need annoying popups every time someone feels bored or in a rush?
It has been years now since I stopped giving my mobile number to clients. They don't need to know that voice mail & email are relayed to my mobile, either. Just the same, Skype calls must be scheduled in advance, otherwise the thing is shut down. This leaves the phone for those who cannot wait, and that's already annoying enough.
And, despite my refusal to be held on a leash, I have yet to experience a genuine emergency where being immediately available would have helped in any way.
It just feels to me like there is something disrespectful in assuming that one is (or should be) always available to answer "on the spot".
Oh, yes, I'm an introvert. And anyone who has a problem with that is in a worse place than me, since I couldn't care less. It's only yet another somewhat useless label.
I've always ridden the line between introversion and extroversion. I love people, I love chatting with them and getting myself out there. I can be a relentless self-promoter when I feel like it. Then, at the end of the day, I just want to come home and shut myself off from the world. Some days I'd rather not step out the front door to begin with.
I've never been terribly fond of talking on the phone, and I don't like being called unless I'm expecting it. (A ringing phone irritates me to no end.) I can communicate via letters and e-mail but unless it's an in-depth subject wherein I need to express complex sentiments, one right after the other, without being interrupted by anybody else, I prefer communication that takes place in real time. That leaves it to IM and face-to-face conversations, barring the few times I actually want to chat on the phone.
For me it's all about clarity of communication. I can express myself very well via the written word whereas I stumble over my own tongue a bit when I speak. (Unless I'm especially passionate, but in normal conversation that doesn't happen a lot.) It's also about communicating on my terms. I can be an extrovert but only when I want to be and when I don't want to be I've no qualms with saying, "leave me alone." People that assume something is wrong with me have always left me puzzled. I've come to think they're afraid of silence and anyone who willingly shuts the world out, even briefly, must be mad in their eyes.
It's just the opposite. A life of constant activity and noise is a sure way to an early grave. The body can't keep up, the mind gets tired and feelings become muddled when they're never sorted out nor given a chance to express themselves.
I wonder if it stems from a puritanical work ethic? Idleness was an outright sin in times past. I get the sense sleep was seen as little more than a necessary evil, much like sex for procreation. Modern folks may not call it a sin but there's a definite stigma toward people who aren't constantly on the move. Introversion may likely be seen as just another form of idleness, even if you spend that time productively.
There's probably an element of paranoia to it as well, at least in American culture. We're so bloody afraid of terrorists (as ill-defined and the term is) and anyone who doesn't think just like us that we force each other onto the stage as if to keep an eye on one another. Each man and woman holds their own secrets, and we know it, but so long as we've got our hands where somebody else can see them we're calm. At least we pretend to be.
It reminds me of one of my ex-girlfriends. She told me how she mostly kept to herself as a kid and all the other kids talked about her and watched her with suspicion. Seems they were afraid she'd snap one day and blow them all to bits. "It's always the quiet ones." Funny how paranoia replaces understanding, eh?
Blade, don't kid yourself, you're a hard-core introvert, just like me an many others around here (probably most).
:)
I guess I'm a combination as well. I can spend time with people, I can enjoy new people sometimes - but only on my own terms. Otherwise, on the weeekends, it's not unusual to 24 hours without talking. Maybe I'll email people or IM - but I can ignore that if I want, unlike in face to face or telephone conversations.
But stick me in a room with lots of noise and lots of people and I'll panic. I can't keep track of what's going on, there's no overview, there's too much sound and too many people and I start to feel very claustrophobic and stressed - and will eventually completely flip.
Hm.. maybe I am an introvert?
Does it really matter, though? Why is it so hard to believe that some people just don't always want to communicate?
I'm very extroverted, but I hate instant-messaging.
In the system devised for the AP's elections reporting here, when there's a vote-count going on, the journalists who are gathering the data across the country are supposed to be connected by IM in case things come up. But this just inevitably means the clueless supervisors in New York can look at their database and say to Mississippi, "We haven't heard anything from Tupelo yet," to which Mississippi can only reply, "We haven't heard anything because nobody's reported anything and we weren't expecting to hear anything until someone reports, AS YOU ALREADY KNOW." So IM just gives the corporate bosses excuse to get in the faces of people who are much too busy to have someone in their faces.
F.I., are you sure you're an extrovert? You sure think a lot for one.
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