Pascal wrote:
It seems everybody who is or wants to become somebody HAS to be better than average. Hopefully, we'll ALL be that way one day. ;-P
For half of my school years, I was top of my class. No fib! THE first. And yet, some caring souls in my family constantly pressured me to excel. To my utter shame, I must confess that during the other half, I was only among the top of the class. Reminds me of this silver medal champion in the movie GATTACA. "Almost best means nothing."
Too bad this kind of "manure" cannot be used to fertilize fields in the Third-World countries, because then world hunger would be a thing of the past!
Manure, yes. I myself am moving myself out of very goal-oriented thinking. It is just so limiting. But what is worse than that is competition-oriented thinking. It might be even harder to break out of. But I think it is vital to do so. It is just so much bull to think that the worth of what you are doing is measured by how much faster or longer you can do it than other humans.
Even if it was true that there is one winner and 6 billion losers, there is still the fact that (in my opinion) all the really worthwhile activities and accomplishments in life simply do not lend themselves to measurements. Art. Love. Fun. Beauty. Wisdom. Expansion. Communication.
7 comments:
There are "goal oriented" behaviors that are problematic (such as the excessive achievement orientation in the example), but then there are "goals" that are good things.
Eolake, for example, has stated that he is moving himself "out of very goal-oriented thinking" but in so doing, he has named several things that can, in themselves, be considered his own further goals: "Art. Love. Fun. Beauty. Wisdom. Expansion. Communication." I'm sure he'd add others if he wanted to take the time, as would we all.
I am often stymied by the self-help books (good ones! not just the idiotic ones like those by Tony Robbins! also the good ones like "What Color is your Parachute" and Barbara Sher's books and maybe that Renaissance soul thing too, haven't read it yet!) which suggest you should have goals.
They say, you'll get what you want if you structure the goals properly (time-limited; achievable; measurable; etc. etc.) and make semi-sub-goals and proto-goals and micro-goals as stepping stones along the way.
I look at my own dysfunctional career -- fired from lots of different entry-level positions, now 40 years old and unemployed again and wondering what to do next, and yet always assessed as very bright, capable, a positive contribution to the company, personable, good to work with, all those things that would suggest I wouldn't be fired. In fact, they suggest I would be PROMOTED. And I have gotten some promotions -- right before the firings. Go figger.
So, anyway, I look at that history (and I'm sure I'm putting it in a negative light, since I'm in a negative place in my life right now) and I perceive, among other things, an utter lack of goal orientation.
I never went into a field because I WANTED to be in that field, or because I perceived a longer-term goal in it. I never took a job because it led to some GOAL. I never had stepping stones that I stepped on.
So here I am, thinking, as I order up that Renaissance soul book from Amazon (thanks to the recommendations here on this blog!) that I'm going to start getting some goals, really plan ahead, have a chance for a future for once instead of AGAIN calling up mom and dad and saying, my stuff is all in storage (again) and I need a little money (again) to tide me over until I get another job because I just lost (again) my job.
So, goals were looking pretty good to me. And suddenly Eolake says, hey, goals are shallow. Competition and goals? That's the "manure" of the world.
Now what am I to do. :P
Obviously for many people in the world, having good, strong goals is a step up. But one can also get above it. Lookit goalfree.com
A good goal in your situation might be to get a stable income in a way which does not hinder your further growth.
A poor goal might be to "get to be president of IBM" or whatever sounds very ambitious, but might not be connected to your soul purposes.
Eolake, for example, has stated that he is moving himself "out of very goal-oriented thinking" but in so doing, he has named several things that can, in themselves, be considered his own further goals: "Art. Love. Fun. Beauty. Wisdom. Expansion. Communication."
No! Those are his interests and preferences. His goal is to "move himself out of very goal-oriented thinking."
The fundamental problem with goal-orientedness is that focusing on a goal moves your attention away from the now --- away from the process, and into the future. This can actually hinder your reaching of the goal. (I know this contradicts thousands of American self-help books but they are all wrong. I am right.)
Having a goal (or goals) is beneficial, but only if you are able to see yourself already there (as having reached the goal) in the now. The idea is to then metaphorically "pull the rest of yourself there". This is tricky but it's the only way to keep your attention in the now while still focusing on your goal.
Remember, it's the process that matters not the completion.
Final Identity,
You really are a advocate of moderation in thinking, aren't you?
"Yeah, and that's final!"
Sorry to bring you bad news, but Bin Laden just said you were insufficiently qualified for that extremist job. Better seek another goal in life then.
I couldn't tell what color is my parachute. I'm currently working at growing wings, which is much better for flying. ;-)
I think the biggest problem with goals is when they are somebody else's goals and you're expected to achieve them. Setting your own goals, reasonably and responsibly, is always okay. And if you can manage to live happy without goals, that's fine too... provided you've given it some thinking, of course.
Ultimately, our life is our own. Some parents have yet to realize that it is a gratuitous gift they received and later gave. There's never question of paying back, just "pass it on".
And I feel that loving our parents "because we owe them", be it life, care, or whatever, is plain wrong. If you need excuses or duties to love, it's not really love. I am currently giving mine to a little tyke who's simply giving it back tenfold in return. Without thinking. And nobody's keeping tabs! It there's one thing he owes me, I guess, it'd be to become a person. That'd fully satisfy me. But he only owes it to himself, really.
TTL,
I think the "small stepping stones are precisely there to connect the goal with the "now". (Isn't that a metaphore for "process", anyway?)
So, basically, you are right, but others don't HAVE to be wrong. Unless such is their chosen goal.
;-)
I do believe in the importance of the past and the future. They are, respectively, the consequence and the direction of the present. But life is the line drawn by that point which is the present. Life is the result of the present. The past was a present. The future will one day be the present. Failing to understand its true signification means ruining the foundations. However you look at it, it is the point that draws the whole line. Carpe diem.
Enduring temporary hardship to build a path leading to improvement is an investment. Provided you invest soundly, and sometimes actually collect. Preferably, I try to constantly keep some pocket money. :-)
"There is only the now."
I think we understand each other here. Too many people have spent so much of their life planning, that they completely forgot to actually live. And then, they try to have another vicarious go with MY life. Well, sorry guys, but it's my coin, and my game, so move aside and let me play!
Even if it was true that there is one winner and 6 billion losers
The Alpha male -or couple- is only a relevant notion in a wolf pack, and it certainly doesn't mean that the other wolves -or their number!- have no importance. A lonely Alpha male/couple is a pointless notion, they only exist as such because of the others. Just like any leaders, chiefs, and champions.
In my grandmother's house, she's the prettiest, sexiest, cutest and youngest woman around, as I often tell her. (I know, I really SHOULD get a life!!!) And, as she often tells me : "Of course. I'm the only one here." So much for my irresistible finesse...
Not to state that the life of a non-queen ant seems tempting to me, but... in their community, apart from the preciousness of the breeding one, there are no distinctions. They all treat each other as equals. In spite of their innate differences, soldiers will work when there's work to be done, and workers will fight when there's a war. No slacking military nomenklatura there.
By becoming the species with the most extreme abtract thinking, sometimes we have developed some concepts, like hierarchy, to the point of the absurd. And the male babirussa (horned dog) with the biggest, most impressively virile tusks, is to be pitied, because these curved, ever growing things will eventually pierce its forhead and brain, and kill it horribly. But until then, the females will find these same tusks most irresistible. Poor monster. :-/
Being at the top is not always enviable : you can only change negatively, and there's nowhere left to go but downhill. (Even if you head right.) Pro athletes wear out their body prematurely by pushing it to its limits, when these limits are there to help us survive in exceptional circumstances. Like illness and accidents. Sometimes, they will snap a ligament, when these things are way sturdier than steel cables! Ouchie... They sometimes even die in their exceptional (and very impressive) efforts. Being physically fit is always a plus, but trust me, it's great to be an ordinary bloke.
Do you know that steroids, while indeed efficient to build bigger muscles, not only have toxic effects and bring about heart hazard, but they make your testes smaller? You have the word of a professional M.D. : DON'T use testosterone injections to impress the ladies, you'll regret it at the worst possible moment.
Mindwise, true geniuses are nearly always alienated, too different to adapt socially, and may border madness... when they're lucky! Look at Einstein's private life : a disaster. The world's most unique soprano ever, Mado Robin, had vocal cords the likes of which had never been seen before. Guinness record for highest pitch AND most octaves. But her daughter was born mute. Too much of a good thing...
My conclusion : excellence can and must be an inspiration. But an interesting direction for those who like traveling, not a universal goal. If we all try to climb to the top, the inverted pyramid will topple. And what's "the top", anyway? Elvis, "the King", became bulimic, obese, and died younger than I am, from an overdose. Billionaires have to build themselves luxury prisons because being rich makes you a target. Most show-biz celebrities are unhappy, can't keep up a marriage, and are hounded by paparazzi. Ladi Di has finally found peace. :-(
Insects are, by instinct, drawn to light. Because during the day, where there is light there is a way to fly through. But at night, the hypnotizing light of a lamp will only lead them to their demise. "Number One" is a deadly illusion.
I really don't dream on being God... Oh, Bruce Almighty, grant me the Wisdom! ;-P
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