My friend Richard told me:
I worked with a young college student (a black girl - a native of Ethiopia) who "moonlighted" as an exotic dancer in a town some distance from the city after her shift on the drug and suicide hotline (for which she was a volunteer along with me) was over. She was very modest in her regular role as college student and had very strict morals. When I was first introduced to her, I thought she looked familiar but could not place her. She had been wearing a large Afro wig and tinted contact lenses in her "act". Of course, she recognized me and knew where I had seen her before, but she didn't mention it initially until I had got acquainted with her to some extent and convinced me that she was a person of integrity and devoutly religious. My shift on the hotline was right after hers and I would usually go there a little early and chat as she was very personable and humorous, but one time I was late relieving her and she was a little perturbed and told me she was late for her gig. I asked her if she was a musician, and she then told me that she worked as an exotic dancer to help pay her tuition. I then remembered where I had seen her. She told me that she had seen me there and then told me she preferred that I not go there again on her nights to work and to keep her "occupation" under my hat -- which I did. However, her disclosure had an odd effect -- now that I saw her as an "innocent" my memory of her act was more titillating in retrospect than in had been at the time I witnessed it. As much as I tried to disassociate her role as exotic dancer with her role as innocent college girl and fellow worker, I found myself a little uncomfortable in her company and found myself measuring my words so that she would not think I was "hitting" on her.
Yes, that's an interesting thing. Judging from the number of porn sites on the web advertising their models as "sluts", the loose girl is attractive to many men. I never really got that. I wonder if most men has such a low self-esteem that not even in their imagination will a girl want anything to do with them unless she is a slut?
18 comments:
It's not low self-esteem. It's laziness.
Hey, it's hard work getting a woman to like you, and who wants to work? Not me, that's for sure!
(Personally, I hate the term "slut" much as I hate racially or ethnically derogatory names. In general, I don't think much of people who use the word.)
I always thought it was more that sluts - so the thinking goes - would do more than a "good" girl would.
I don't particularly dislike the word, because it is not in the same league as a racial or ethnically derogatory name. But that doesn't mean I use it.
Generally I dislike people who try to make themselves out to be moral because they are usually hiding or compensating for something.
-Brian H.
"I always thought it was more that sluts - so the thinking goes - would do more than a "good" girl would."
You could be right.
I think that's a misperception though.
Want sex without the trouble of actually forming a bond with someone? Are you a 40 year old man who's never touched a female breast? Do women laugh for all the wrong reasons when you take your pants off?
Introducing SLUTS! They'll do anything and everything for (to) you if the price is right! We've got sluts ranging from low-end ten dollar models all the way up to high-class thousand dollar bitches! Whether you're looking for a quickie or a vagina that wraps around your penis like warm, creamy flat bread on a cool summer day, we've got a slut for you!
*Cue catchy jingle accompanied by a logo and a slogan: "Fulfill your fantasies with sluts!"*
I imagine the reasons are as varied as the personalities men possess. You've got curious people, people with no confidence, people who haven't had sex in years, people who are having trouble in their marriage and thus aren't gettin' any at home... If we're talking an underlying psychological process, I'd imagine it's a universal want for 1. companionship 2. safety/security. (Isn't it said that it's every man's unconscious desire to return to the womb?)
Sex is not itself a bond with another person but it still feels like it. The feeling of flesh on flesh is unlike any other. You don't have to know the person, you don't have to like the person, you don't have to find him or her attractive; their touch alone will fulfill a chemical "need" that eases and relaxes you on some level.
Men like sluts for entirely selfish reasons. They get to fulfill their longings without having to fulfill anybody else's. Granted, "fulfill" takes on a twisted meaning in this context since I've never met anybody who's truly wanted for something and has been satisfied by so-called sluts. However, while sex can't fix your problems, it does make you feel good and that distraction is mistaken for the heart's true desire.
I've just googled "sluts" and taken a look at a couple of the sites that turn up. Lord, it's boring even before you click on a single thumbnail!
I think I'm a bit bonkers on this whole subject. I tend not to care, at all, whether or not the woman is perceived as "easy" or "difficult" to get to have sex with. I am equally attracted (or unattracted) to "sluts" and to "frigid" women. I recall in high school I found one girl attractive, attempted to "get to know" her, and was derided by teammates as going after a "slut." I didn't really understand either (A.) why I shouldn't go after her (the fact that she was sexually active with other men bore no relation to how she might or might not treat me) or (B.) why they thought of her as a "slut" since, really, nobody honestly knew who was or was not banging whom.
Equally, there have been times when I've gone after a woman whom a large number of people evidently perceived as "unreasonably frigid." In these instances, sometimes, the people have turned out to be right, and I've also turned out to be the unlucky beneficiary of the woman's attentions. There are, you see, disadvantages to being oblivious to group-think -- sometimes the group has useful information to convey.
I'd say it's a combination of the low self-esteem, laziness, and the idea that sluts will maybe want it more and do more than a "good girl". That's the perception, anyway. So I kind of agree with Eolake, Michael, and Brian but think that it's at least all three.
I really hate the term. Like Michael said, I see it as being as bad as a racial slur. I think it's extremely ignorant and just plain evil to punish a person in such a hateful way just for wanting or having sex. And even beyond that, it's a double standard. You'll notice no similar term exists for men. The whole thing seems based on this irrational fear people have of women expressing their sexuality.
It is not as bad as a racial slur. To quote Jules Winfield, it ain't the same fucking ball park. It ain't the same league. It ain't even the same fucking sport! To say so is an insult to anyone who has ever been on the receiving end of one of those insults.
The term's offensiveness is always related to its context. I love when my boyfriend calls me a slut. I love being slutty with him. There's a lot of laughter and faith in me. Because of the love that I've tasted it's not said nor heard in an ugly, offensive, cruel, or hateful manner. I myself really like the term *slut*, also the word cunt, as I come from a repressed religious background where saying such words damned me to hell, and I prefer the freedom of God.
i love all honest words, and I prefer strong living words as raunchy and juicy as possible in that context, with fun, never never fear or hatred.
Laurie
"To say so is an insult to anyone who has ever been on the receiving end of one of those insults."
Been there, survived that. I see no reason why it wouldn't be on the same level, it's just as hateful and abrasive. I have friends who've had to deal with it, I've seen what it does to people.
Like Laurie said, it depends on the context. I don't mind it if it's just used as like a joke or some other light-hearted way. But lots of people honestly want women to feel like horrible people because of their sexuality, and that really bothers me.
I kinda disagree with Michael Burton (first response on this page) that "it's laziness" or low self-esteem which drives a man to interest in a woman simply because her behavior is implied (accurately or not, with approval or not) to be sexually "easy". I frankly find it EXTREMELY difficult to find women who are willing to cooperate with me on the basic initial acts of interaction, much less the further ones about actual romantic possibilities. I think MOST men would like a lot more access to friendships with beautiful (or, at least, attractive to them) women, and to suggest that men who lack access to women they admire are simply men who aren't trying hard enough, rather misses the point. For many men, it's certainly not lack of effort that's leading them to loneliness and disappointment in their romantic options. In fact, it's almost patronizing to suggest that "if only you try harder" you'll get what you want, to someone who has failed all his life with women. That's like suggesting all ya gotta do is buy ONE MORE late night TV weight-loss program ... yeah, keep doing the same thing over and over, some day the results will change magically from failure to success. Better advice would be, to explain WHAT SORT OF DIFFERENT EFFORT is needed. If guys are putting in the effort but still aren't getting the gals, what are they doing wrong? I bet Michael Burton doesn't have much specific to answer to that ...
Been there, survived that. I see no reason why it wouldn't be on the same level, it's just as hateful and abrasive.
No it isn't. The difference is that a slut can be of any race or religion or whatever. It's quite different from being put down or made fun of or whatever for that alone. Quite different. Or so I'm told. I mean, I'm a white dude - the old "White Anglo-Saxon Protestant Male".
From the Simpsons:
Herbert: You, what are your roots?
Advisor: Well, I guess you could say they extend to when the Angles met the Saxons... [all except Herbert chuckle]
Herbert: Or in other words, when white met bread.
-- board meeting, ``Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?''
...I fail to see why that should make such a big difference. Ugh, I'm already losing interest in this "offensiveness contest". My point is that I think it's wrong to hurt someone for expressing their sexuality, especially since the term specifically targets women. Does anyone agree with that or not?
...I fail to see why that should make such a big difference.
Really? Wow. Calling Mensa International!
"I think it's wrong to hurt someone for expressing their sexuality, especially since the term specifically targets women. Does anyone agree with that or not?"
I hear you Jes. It's always wrong to believe that you can be hurt, and believe that you can hurt others. For whatever reason.
My thought is that men are not women's problem. Women forgetting that they are goddesses are women's problem, just like men, even the most humble or homely of them, forgetting they are gods. If the most homely nerdy guy in the world once turned inward and found out who he REALLY was, he'd have absolutely no problem finding a date. Women and men and all people would draw to him unendingly. It's knowledge of the light in oneself that is infinitely attractive and powerful. Once you know this light and live in it, you're not hurt by anything or anyone, and you won't hurt others. And you're completely free to explore.
Laurie
"If the most homely nerdy guy in the world once turned inward and found out who he REALLY was, he'd have absolutely no problem finding a date. Women and men and all people would draw to him unendingly. It's knowledge of the light in oneself that is infinitely attractive and powerful."
Though this sort of woofly-weepy stuff usually kinda annoys me, I actually think this theory works. I'm gonna have to agree with it.
I don't actually see it working in my own life. But I keep trying. So, I'm gonna say, it's not working YET.
It works in the movies and on TV, but not in real life. Except maybe for older women who went for the jocks when they were younger but now realize those guys can't give them what they want.
"All jocks think about is sports. All nerds think about is sex." - Lewis Skolnick
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