I once worked in a nursing home. One of the ladies had the hots for me something bad. One day in the common room, she put her hand on my thigh and said "nice jeans". Then she slid it higher, and said "nice crotch".
A nearby nurse sighed and said: "Karen, how old is it you are again?"
"Forty-two?"
"You're a hundred and two."
"I'm a HUNDRED AND TWO years old?!"
And she was. She died next year, a hundred and three, apparently still a virgin.
Story was she had been scared off men by her mother, and in her old age she had had woefully regretted it.
I guess the moral is, listen to your parents, but don't take everything as gospel.
Maybe I should have helped her fulfil her wish, but I was fearful the the management would see it as taking advantage...
Featured comment by Laurie:
I work part-time in a gym, and work out there. I don't want to keep harping about my hair, but a few days ago an elderly patron in his 70's started chatting with me while I was working out. He squinted his eyes and looked at me and said, "I really like your hair." The thought flashed instantaneously through my mind, "dirty old man." Then, just as quickly, I thought of the Domai philosophy. I also saw how I also love my hair. I smiled at the man, a real genuine turn it all on joyful smile, and we both parted happy.
Later I had a fantastic conversation with this man. He spends his whole week doing nice things for other people, like picking up day-old bread at the supermarket at 6 in the morning, and delivering it to families, and singing in a group with other old men in local nursing homes. He also spends his time commenting on women's beautiful hair. All's right with the world.
laurie
LOL, I like that story Eolake.
ReplyDeleteI work part-time in a gym, and work out there. I don't want to keep harping about my hair, but a few days ago an elderly patron in his 70's started chatting with me while I was working out. He squinted his eyes and looked at me and said, "I really like your hair." The thought flashed instantaneously through my mind, "dirty old man." Then, just as quickly, I thought of the Domai philosophy. I also saw how I also love my hair. I smiled at the man, a real genuine turn it all on joyful smile, and we both parted happy.
Later I had a fantastic conversation with this man. He spends his whole week doing nice things for other people, like picking up day-old bread at the supermarket at 6 in the morning, and delivering it to families, and singing in a group with other old men in local nursing homes. He also spends his time commenting on women's beautiful hair. All's right with the world.
laurie
that's the trouble with most women..........they think it's all about sex. sad. sad. a guy gives a compliment and instantly the girl thinks he wants her to drop her pants.......sigh.
ReplyDeletei'm glad you discovered not all men are after one thing.
Reminds me of the first time I had to insert a urinary catheter as an Intern. I had no previous experience with women, our dissecting classes had been seriously botched, so I had a hard time finding that tiny urinary meatus based only on the drawings I knew. To top it all, the lady was 63, and the nurse had warned me to be very careful, "because she is still a virgin"! Really, I'm not making any of it up.
ReplyDeleteTrouble is, in a country like Lebanon, things like virginity must NEVER be taken lightly. Just trust me on that...
Well, so there I was with a colleague of mine (a merry chap and an excellent friend), and under the watchful eye of the chief nurse, and it took me quite a while fiddling(!) around befoure I FINALLY found that &%$#@ meatus, WAY smaller than that of men. And "hidden" right there, over the border of the vaginal opening I was so careful to avoid because of the nurse's insistant recommendations! (I didn't even think to take the chance to see what a virgin looks like.)
Well, the lady patient gave a lot of worrying screams and sighs, but I finally managed it right. And then, she heartfully thanked me for my efforts. It was only later on, when my buddy Michel told the story to all our comrades, describing the woman's screams between two fits of hilarity, that I got out of my strictly professional state of mind and realized that indeed, just maybe, all my efforts hadn't been a waste of time for everybody
:-)
So, basically, Eolake, it's a pity hou had serious reasons to fear the professional consequences of doing what would undoubtedly have been a very charitable deed. ;-)
On a final note, I must say this "traumatizing" experience was very beneficial to me. (No, not like THAT!!! Shame on you!) Dissection class would never have taught me better than hands-on(!) experience, and I became justifyably confident in putting urinary tubes in women. So much, in fact, that a few months later, an infectious diseases Professor I was with had trouble with one of those. He insisted on performing the act hinself (because of sterile sampling requirements), but it didn't work out. His efforts reminded me of my own that day. (He KNEW exactly where to try, of course, but still it din't work!) So, based on my experience, I suggested that he tried a smaller size tube, since women's anatomy is notably tinier, and furthermore this one was young. I didn't gloat about it, but it worked like a charm, and the professor was quite happy about that. A smaller tube was all it took!
"Story was she had been scared off men"
This reminds me of a joke. A handsome young man experienced the same. His over-conservative mother warned him, that if he should ever kiss a girl, he would drop dead on the spot! Well, one day, a pretty lassie who fancied him started coming on to him, getting VERY close to his body, touching him more or less like Miss 102 there, and she tried to kiss him. He recoiled in terror : "NO! I don't want to die!
- Come on, you're not going to die!
- That's what YOU say! I'm feeling stiff already!"
"I was fearful the the management would see it as taking advantage."
Well, that certainly would have gotten the LADY in trouble. Taking advantage, indeed! What I don't understand is, what were YOU worried about? ;-)
Remember that story about the time I "nearly got raped"? Well, age aside, it was rather similar. Oh, this professional conscience of mine is a CURSE! ;-P
Except that the lady was old enough to be my mother... but nowhere near as pretty as my mother.
"I'm glad you discovered not all men are after one thing."
Right. Just remember, ladies, we don't always HATE that thing either, okay? It's all a matter of adequacy. :-)
You try living in Holland, where it seems like all of the Turkish and Morrocan 3rd generation immigrants are constantly trying to get me to date them or whatever on the street. Only when I'm smiling though, but still.. just the whole way they come on, it's not fun and it's kind of disturbing.
ReplyDelete"Only when I'm smiling though, but still"
ReplyDeleteYou see, Hannah? Even though they're being jerks, it also proves you have far less reasons to be shy about yourself than you think.
:-)
Maybe they're just aware that you're quite beautiful, and don't realize it, and therefore you're an easy prey. Take control.
Still, only when I'm smiling. :) I guess I just look a lot different, then. Who knows? And I'd rather not be asked at all than just by jerks - after all, what does that imply?
ReplyDeleteAnd I'd rather not be asked at all than just by jerks - after all, what does that imply?
ReplyDeleteIn my book it implies that in some cultures being smiled at by a woman is as good as her asking for, um, "it" (and would most probably be a slut).
These guys mightn't even be jerks in and by themselves, i.e. within the cultural environment they are attuned to, but it's sure sad that their behaviour is so utterly incompatible with the culture of the country they live in, resulting in them behaving like jerks by its standards.
Well I'm not trying to excuse the fact that they are obviously not making an effort to adapt to the culture of the country they live in, just trying to explain what's happening.
What it implies with regards to not being asked by non-jerks is that firstly being smiled at by a woman doesn't automatically mean more than just a friendly everyday gesture - in particular in the Netherlands (and Scandinavia) many women are generally much more self-confident than in most other countries and might thus be expected to be clearer/more persistent/show more initiative than just giving a casual smile if they wanted to be approached.
On the other hand, of course, some men can feel intimidated by a woman being direct, so it ain't always easy...
As usual, just my 3 Cents.
Ronald,
ReplyDeleteI'm very interested : where can I find a 3 cents coin? I've been looking everywhere! Same for $3 bills. Go figure.
Oh, and thank you for initiating what I had a hard time trying to formulate. The real trouble with some of today's immigrants (maybe many of them, I don't know) is that they don't want to fit in, only to change the country that's welcoming them. Which doesn't help much in fighting the bane of racism.
I live in Lebanon. There are many communities in this country, including about half arab muslims. Well, just today, my mother told me she minded much less going to a region like Tripoli than to some arab-filled places in her France homeland. Why is that? Because, "for some obscure reason", in this country they behave like civilized citizens.
It seems there's some anti-western racism involved in the immigrants' spheres. They love to display their worst side. In their own countries, most of those people would never think of behaving the same way!
Which is NOT a good way to build bridges between cultures and civilizations. More like, building walls. Or digging trenches...
Everybody needs to make an effort for common living to work out. The host needs to be hospitable, and the guest needs to respect the house's daughter. Well, you get my point.
Also, too many Europeans nowadays feel labeled as racists the second they talk of expelling rude guests. Not ALL guests, just the unbearable ruffians acting as if in conquered territory. Is it any wonder, then, that the Europeans vote more and more for the extremist parties? They're just fed up with the OPPOSITE extreme, which threatens their own safety, it's perfectly human. I don't follow them, but I damn well understand how they feel. Let's just hope that the enlightened moderation I'm trying to support can do the job.
As someone said recently : "Tolerance doesn't mean accepting the untolerable." Sounds like a good universal guideline.
Pascal:
ReplyDeleteI'm very interested : where can I find a 3 cents coin?
No idea - nothing like the old thripence (or how is that spelt?), and certainly not in Australia where the smallest coin is 5 cents. In fact, here 3 cents would have to be rounded up to 5, would that suit you?
On the other hand, isn't it great that currency is modular, so if you don't have a coin or note for the amount in question you can actually use multiple ones and just add them all up? (Granted, the maths involved are a challenge for some, but still better than nothing, right?)
"Tolerance doesn't mean accepting the untolerable." Sounds like a good universal guideline.
Indeed. I think it's a normal human trait to test one's boundaries. Usually that's done during childhood, but when people come into a new environment the process starts over.
I think rather than just letting things go as they go and then taking radical measures, what would be needed are clearer guidelines (and enforcement) of what's acceptable and what isn't.
To take an example from another area, it's been proven time and time again that drivers are more likely to stick to a speed limit if there's a very high probability for them to be caught if they don't, even if the penalties are rather low. More likely, that is, than if there are only very infrequent controls but the penalties are drastic.
The extreme of the first example is called "zero tolerance" and basically means that one doesn't get away with a transgression. Unfortunately our American friends discredited that concept a bit by in their friendly manner taking it to mean not only that you don't get away with dropping a cigarette butt on the street, but also get the mass murderer treatment.
That's not the original idea, which might be better represented by the police asking the perpetrator to pick up the butt and discard of it properly. And maybe writing a penalty notice over $5 or saying that he/she would get one if it happened again. It just needs to be fairly clear that this is very likely to happen if you do drop a cigarette butt and, even more effective, if there's no police around, that there will be other people who disapprove (e.g. by saying "Sir, you lost something", picking it up and discarding of it).
This may be a controversial topic to some smokers but please try to abstract the idea from it which is about different ways to influence behaviour.
I think if the people in question would get clear feedback, in the form of friendly but firm disapproval, every time they cross a boundary, we would have much less of a problem there. Of course if they spend most of their time with people who think and act the same they do that won't do much good.
This is where the host country could do something to support the idea that immigrants don't necessarily need to cluster in specific areas but mingle more with the "indigenous" population. (There's clearly *some* task waiting here, with regards to both the natives and the newbies!)
I think the reason why some people can be quite rude and inconsiderate in their host country and would never think of behaving the same way where they come from is exactly that at home this corrective framework is in place, or, at the very least, the association with it is there.
If you go to countries with much Western tourism, though, say Egypt, Morocco or Tunisia, you will find that although most people are very friendly and well-behaved, some do use a different set of behaviour and attitudes for tourists than for their own people.
Which I find to some extent understandable, due to the way many tourists behave in those countries, totally disregarding local custom. Actually I find it sometimes quite remarkable that not more people are disrespectful towards, at least some, tourists and can only conclude that most people in these countries are actually very decent and tolerant.
To some extent I can even understand (although I strongly disagree with them) those who live in a host country and despise their hosts, which I believe is mostly because the hosts do not set and enforce a clear set of rules. In testing their boundaries, they have found that they basically get away with what they themselves would find untolerable and thus lose their respect for a country that "obviously" has no morals or backbone.
Just my own take on the issue, though, and not more than a working hypothesis...
"you don't get away with dropping a cigarette butt on the street"...
ReplyDeleteI've already used this analogy in the "Blow in her face..." thread, but what the hey : I don't drop my chocolate wrappings on the street, and I'm all for zero tolerance in this case too. There is no law against eating chocolate in public, but I'm sure if it were disgusting-looking to the bystanders, like, say, eating lobster on the street (cracking the shell with your teeth and all that), or chicken legs before tossing the bones around, there could very well be laws against it too, and I would approve. Actually, I believe it's called the littering misdemeanor...
Why not put smoking (for instance) back where it belongs, strictly in the private sphere? Say, like sex. Because you wouldn't harm your children by having sex in front of them, would you? Even if THEY're not the ones doing it! When I go to the bathroom, I close the door to do my stuff alone. I don't find it "cool", even IF it's natural and everybody does it.
Civism : an endangered notion on the whole planet. Uncivic people of all sorts are the glass jaw of my tolerance principles. How can you respect the disrespectful?
If "problem immigrants" had civic sense wherever they are, the word "problem" would disppear from the expression. Probably to be replaced by "guest".
"It's a normal human trait to test one's boundaries. Usually that's done during childhood"
Yep. There's too much gross immaturity in many so-called adults.
I blame the parents.
"Actually I find it sometimes quite remarkable that not more people are disrespectful towards, at least some, tourists and can only conclude that most people in these countries are actually very decent and tolerant."
It always comes down to culture and respect in the end, doesn't it? Education.
"Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!" -- (Albus Dumbledore)