The president's top aide burst into the oval office one day.
"Mr. President," he said, urgently, "We've just received a report that the Russians have landed on the moon and are painting it red!"
"Really?" the president replied.
"Yes," the aide returned. "And if they succeed in painting it entirely red, it will be a communist symbol that will hang over the heads of the entire world population!"
The president thought for a moment. "Okay, thanks for the briefing," he said.
Two days later, the aide stormed into the president's office again. "Mr. President," he said. "The Russians are still painting the moon red and now they're half done!"
"Not to worry," the president assured. "We have everything under control."
Three days later, the same aide reported to the president once more. "I thought you said you had everything under control!" he said. "The Russians have finished and the moon is now completely red!"
"Yes, I know," the president replied. "We are taking appropriate measures. We are getting ready to launch a rocket with 100,000 gallons of white paint to remedy the situation."
"But 100,000 gallons won't be enough to repaint the entire moon!" the aide pointed out.
"No," the president replied, "But it will be enough to paint 'Coca-Cola' across the middle!"
Forgive Me, Father
A young woman goes to church to confess her sins to the priest.
"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned," she said.
"Confess your sins, my daughter," the priest replied.
"Oh, Father, last night my boyfriend made love to me seven times," she said.
The priest thought about this long and hard. He eventually said, "Take seven lemons, squeeze the juice into a tall glass and drink it."
"Will this cleanse my soul of my sins?" the young woman asked.
"No," the priest answered, "But it will wipe that smile off your face!"
This was from a non-commercial mailing list I'm on. (Pretty low-volume.)
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