To protect the identity of the person who sent me this gravely offensive joke, I won't give his name, but he's a doctor in Lebanon.
One afternoon a little girl returned from school, and announced that her friend had told her where babies come from.
Amused, her mother replied: "Really, sweetie, why don't you tell me all about it?"
The little girl explained, "Well ... OK... the Mummy and Daddy take off all of their clothes, and the daddy's thingy sort of stands up, and then mummy puts it in her mouth, and then it sort of explodes, and that's how you get babies."
Her mom shook her head and said, "Oh, darling, that's sweet, but that's not how you get babies... That's how you get jewelery!"
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Update:
Little Susie goes home from school and tells her mum that the boys keep asking her to do cartwheels, and is it because she's very good at them?
Mum said: "YOU should say NO - they only want to look at your undies".
Susie said: "I know they do, that's why I hide them in my backpack"!
That's a total phallacy!
ReplyDeleteYes, it's a bit over-blown.
ReplyDeleteAt least you have to be real dang good at it to get quality jewelery.
I'm in jewelery debt and I didn't even know!
ReplyDeleteKent said...
ReplyDelete"I'm in jewelery debt and I didn't even know!"
And just imagine what happens when you "pay up"! lol! Oh and...I'm almost sure she'll accept installments!! ;-)
... There's gotta be a cheaper way than jewellery. I mean, it's very nice, but...
ReplyDeleteActually I got a fire-sale offer on the street here in town (OK, in the cheaper end of town), just five pounds! And "sans rubber" too. I refused, that was too cheap to be good.
Five pounds of gold? Sterling? Apples? Oranges? Might've been a good deal!
ReplyDeleteAh yes. It was Sterling.
ReplyDeleteis this what you mean?
ReplyDeleteJewellery (pronounced /ˈdʒuːəlri/ or /ˈdʒuːələri/) or jewelry (see American and British English spelling differences
I don't know, my spell checking apps can't agree on it!
ReplyDeleteIn Lebanon? Heeey, a colleague!!! Anybody I know?
ReplyDeleteOh, right, I forgot: you promised not to tell. (shhhhh!...)
John,
It takes balls to dare say it like it is. You da man!
Kent,
That's all because of those durned sub-primes and the traders' obscene bonuses!
They want to hog all the jewelry market, I'm sure of it.
"And just imagine what happens when you "pay up"!"
Well, it's always easy to start by offering a "pearl necklace" on the spot! 8-)
"Actually I got a fire-sale offer on the street here in town"
Geez! I thought fire was freely available for all since the age-old epoch of the Quest For Fire!!!
"just five pounds!"
Uh... I wonder what sort of jewels you can buy for THAT. Surely not genuine Congo blood diamonds.
"Ah yes. It was Sterling."
REALLY?!? That's a sterling revelation!
"An ounce for your thoughts, handsome?"
"I don't know, my spell checking apps can't agree on it!"
These softwares all suck.
Except those that blow.
Then, of course, there are those glitchy ones that swallow all your hard work, just like that!
The reason these spell checking apps can't agree is because their PASTAS ITCH at the UNCOMELY PUSSY:
ReplyDeleteTheir Programmers All Studied Their Academic Special
Internships Towards Comprehensive Heuristics at the
United Nations Committee Of Middle East Light-Years
Peace Universal Sessions, Solely for Yahoos.
[Forgive me, it's late, I was too tired to insert some MEATBALLs in there somewhere.
Just eat it with ketchup and a grain of salt.]
"You can just call me... Ivan."
Eolake said...
ReplyDelete"Yes, it's a bit over-blown."
GOOD ONE, BTW! lol!
"At least you have to be real dang good at it to get quality jewelery."
Really?! I wonder if that isn't just the "pre-payment" for some girls to, uh, "keep it up"! lol! ;-)
"... There's gotta be a cheaper way than jewellery. I mean, it's very nice, but..."
Yeah...I was going to tell Kent that...it doesn't even have to be jewelery. Just finding some little thing that she likes, every once in awhile, is nice. In fact...it doesn't even have to be a "thing" neither: if she likes a massage and you never find the time...there's always making the time for that. :-)
"Actually I got a fire-sale offer on the street here in town (OK, in the cheaper end of town), just five pounds! And "sans rubber" too. I refused, that was too cheap to be good."
Well...I wouldn't suggest that you run out to find "the higher end" version, neither. I doubt that's much better. Definitely NEVER "sans rubber" (for those out looking for that corner deal that you mentioned!! lol!)!!! Ewwwww! :-(
Pascal said...
ReplyDelete"..."pearl necklace" on the spot! 8-)"
Oh, yeah...*right*!! (wink, wink!) lol!
"These softwares all suck.
Except those that blow.
Then, of course, there are those glitchy ones that swallow all your hard work, just like that!"
ROFLMFAO!! You're a NUT job, Pascal! ;-)
M.A.T.T. said...
ReplyDelete"...I was too tired to insert some MEATBALLs in there somewhere.
Just eat it with ketchup and a grain of salt."
You're quite SILLY, yourself!! "Meatballs"!! lol!
Some faulty assumptions are being made about exactly WHO I owe. Cuz it ain't my current girlfriend, that's for sure.
ReplyDeleteUh HUH!! Well...GOOD for YOU, Kent!! GOOD THING "this one" knows how to handle...a "gun"! I'm not so worried for you, anymore! lol! :-)
ReplyDeleteLittle Susie goes home from school and tells her mum that the boys keep asking her to do cartwheels, and is it because she's very good at them?
ReplyDeleteMum said: "YOU should say NO - they only want to look at your undies".
Susie said: "I know they do, that's why I hide them in my backpack"!
I was wondering why I kept finding undies in my daughter's backpack!! (JK!!!!!) lol!
ReplyDelete"You're a NUT job, Pascal!"
ReplyDelete"Nut job"? Oh, dear. Now we've contaminated well-educated TC with our Lewdis Punnicus virus. ;-)
You should've worn protection, TC.
Yes, virus protection. What, you're not in the whole "swine flu fever" spirit? Some American patriot you are!
(No, I won't make any self-referring insinuations about "swine spirit". I've got enough of a dirty pig reputation as it is. ;-)
Anyway, my personal job specialization is with pistachioes and macadamias.
Just FYI. ;-p
(This emoticon says "slurp!")
We've just had an excellent pistachio season in Lebanon. I've enjoyed it to the max. :-)
If I recall correctly, raw pistachioes are very rich in vitamins E and K. (As in "EolaKe".)
BTW, I think "pearl necklace" is official porn slang.
Sure sounds classier than "oh, my vanilla ice cream was melting all this time!"
Clever girl, this Susie. :-)
May Every Anonymous Troll Back Away Laughing Lightly
ReplyDeleteKent, Eolake, Try Cleverly Humoring Up Pascal,
Same As Laughing Tc-girl
There, recipe complete. Should taste better.
"Bon appétit, messieurs-dames."
But I can't manage to imagine an expression whose acronym would be "LOL". This one's got me stumped!
"You can just call me... Ivan."
Hey, Ivan wasn't the only Russian ruler with a legendary grip!
ReplyDeleteIf you see my husband, tell him he's late for work at the pizzeria. Again.
Some Irreverent Light Laughter, Yes. But not too much, Ivanovitch. It doesn't pay the bills, and maintenance of this Kremlin residence is very kostly.
Oh, and bring baby milk on your way home for the twins, will you? Spassiba, mi amore.
(Ivan knows how to get more than just jewels when he's back from raiding the Infidels... :-)
Vhat? Ivan The Akrronymist is rreturrning frrom the Perrsia kampaign alrready? Oopsovna! Time forr me to make my exit. I'd rratherr he didn't find me hiding in a kloset with my... money bag hanging out!
ReplyDeleteAnd I'd rratherr not brring embarrrrassment to my Queen... RRenowned kollektorr of men as she may be...