-- Bert Leston Taylor
Yes, funny, isn't it? I've always been a little bit confused about the greeting "how are you?" Because it's not the same as "hello" and you can't say "hello" back. But at the same time it's not really a request for a real answer, because unless it's a close friend saying it, he really does not want to hear about your recent little personal problems or victories. So basically the only appropriate answer is "good, good" or similar, which makes the whole thing a bit meaningless, doesn't it?
Update:
Author Gary Renard, in a recent podcast, told how he'd said "how you doing?" to an old guy working in a menial job in an airport. And the guy, seemingly non-sarcastic and actually happy, said "I'm living the dream".
I like that. It's not in how you have it, but how you take it.
The standard reply is a shrug followed by "Ah, you know, can't complain." Unless you're over, I don't know, 60, and if the other person is too then you trade your medical histories for the next six hours.
ReplyDeleteIt's just another "handshake" procedure,like those when establishing a connection between computers with internet protocols.
ReplyDeleteYou might just as well mumble something, as long it's in a handshake format.
:-)))))
"I'm well, according to circumstances" is my reply, quite often, using the phrase which they use in official medical bulletins to describe the situation of a sick or injured person.
Haha.
;-))
I guess most cultures have something like that. In Thailand the phrase is "bie nie", meaning "where are you going?" According to my girlfriend no one says where they really are going. She always just made something up which I found very strange.
ReplyDeleteYou can be honest and terse.
ReplyDelete"Bloody awful", "Okay", "Got the plague". It's up to them to challenge for details.
Whatever your response it must be terminated with "and yerself" or some such.
Try to use a colloquialism from a culture they won't get, e.g. Tyke to a Londener, Cockney to a Scally, Scouse to a Manc etc. It keeps them on their toes, and may make them think about their empty question greeting.
Eversee "Alphaville"? The greeting was "I'm fine thank you, you're welcome". This was the challenge, not the response. A simple piece of humour in a film which seemed devoid of it.
@ Anonymous:
ReplyDelete"then you trade your medical histories for the next six hours."
Not if you've got any sense. Most of us old farts would much rather talk about something else, as you'll discover one day.
Actually I found out that "thank you" shuts people up with everybody happy, even though it does not really make sense.
ReplyDeleteAuthor Gary Renard, in a recent podcast, told how he'd said it to an old guy working in a menial job in an airport. And the guy, seemingly non-sarcastic and actually happy, said "I'm living the dream".
I like that. It's not in how you have it, but how you take it.
Not if you've got any sense. Most of us old farts would much rather talk about something else, as you'll discover one day.
ReplyDeleteWow, I didn't realize you could speak for all those people, Ray. I guess I must also have been dreaming it all those times when I had overheard these "old farts" doing just what I described. I love it how people like you think you're somehow able to speak for large groups like that. Weird.
I like to say, "You don't want to know. Trust me."
ReplyDeleteThis makes them curious, and they often say, "But I do want to know." That gives me permission to drone on and on about whatever is bothering me.
When you're as unpopular as I am, you learn these little tricks to get people to listen to you. It's true you can only use this trick once on any given person (maybe twice on a slow learner), but it's nice not to have many people asking "how are you?"
LOL! A closet-antisocial. Who knew.
ReplyDelete"Livin' the dream." I luv it. Gotta internalize it. :o)
ReplyDelete@ Anonymous:
ReplyDelete"I guess I must also have been dreaming it all those times when I had overheard these "old farts" doing just what I described."
So why are you hanging around them?
Standard question in polyglot Lebanon: "Hi, kifak, ça va?" (Emphasis on the last part.)
ReplyDeleteWhich insists: "High, how you doin', you doin' allright?"
Then again, it COULD be a clever way to hint that no other, less cheerful answer will be accepted, tolerated, forgiven, paroled or appealed!
Yeah, right. Like the Lebanese are capable of subtlificating such nuances... ;-P
My own answer to that sneaky low-blow moral assault, is the carefully crafted, optimally brief and typically-traditionally-sounding (always avoid attracting attention by being original) "`Neshkor Allah".
Which is short for "How fortunate we are that Divine Providence is keeping me alive and reasonably, even decently healthy, so I can't complain, so I won't, so I'm not going to start giving you details, so let's skip pleasantries with a generic fake smile and proceed to talking about something actually interesting, even remotely so, since I know people don't give a camel's dung about others' health in this country, they're just infernally infatuated with salamalek blah-blah formulas of pretend politeness, and this would explain why I so easily seem to be grinning back, for it is actually a tetanized trismus of teeth-cringing, an organig reflex that I am helpless to control, but mercifully it only hurts when I laugh."
To summarize the general meaning.
Lebanese fine society is a tough place to live in if you've got emphysema.
Beep,
What's the code of the secret handshake format protocol? I've been stuck on that LSL:MCL minigame for hours, and can't get to the bar lounge to date the sado-maso leather rocker dudette.
Ah well, guess I'll just have to date the blonde cheerleader twins with the big boobs.
Alex dangerously improvised...
"You can be honest and terse."
How about this one:
"Ça va?" in French means literally "Is it going?"
To which a bloke in a brilliant Belgian comic once answered (from underneath a massive oak castle door, or maybe a mine cave-in): "It's going, big guy, it's going. But it's going badly, if you really want to know. Ouch."
Now, "Got the plague", that one's friggin' genius. Best and swiftest answer I *ever* heard for driving away any utz, running.
"and may make them think about their empty question greeting."
How about THIS answer, even shorter and more to the point: "Um-hm."
:-)
Probably the most polite way to express "frankly, you bore me with your hollow banter, but apart from that I'm just peachy".
"then you trade your medical histories for the next six hours."
Not if you've got any sense.
And you dare call yourself an "old fart"?
You'll see, junior, when you're MY age, and you're REALLY old, THEN you'll CRAVE for some ATTENTION and SYMPATHY, and you'll literally GRAB any hapless ear to HAMMER unto them EVERY little DETAIL of your CAPTIVATING health status, like your DIGESTION and your PROSTATE. Or your declining HEARING.
Munyumuh...
Michael,
That's another great tip. Thank you. And, as comediens say, "may I use that?" ;-)
"This makes them curious, and they often say, "But I do want to know." That gives me permission to drone on and on about whatever is bothering me."
Whoa! DEVIOUS!
Ya sure ain't no tenderfoot, pilgrim. Ah tip mah hat ter ya.
Ray inquired...
"So why are you hanging around them?"
Precisely because Michael Burton's trick works, and sometimes twice. D'uh!
:-)
P.S.: My next (or second next) blog post will be, incidentally, about how my parents are going. Riveting, fascinating stuff.
Pity that I'm so poor at telling this stuff, I make it sound boring. You know me...
The ultimate in such greetings may be in the low class end of Copenhagen, where some say "Hvad så?"
ReplyDeleteIt means "so?"
So why are you hanging around them?
ReplyDeleteBecause usually it's if I'm waiting for a bus or something, and I can't help but hear. Besides sometimes they can be unintentionally funny that way.
When asking someone "How Are You Doing?" aren't you actually asking yourself in an indirect way "How Am I Doing?" When the other person tells you how they are, you then compare - quite often on an unconscious level - to how you you are doing. It's a type of social positioning - a type of comparison. The question always has to the potential to make you feel either great or like crap. It is also helps one to collect 'stuff' for gossip if one is so inclined.
ReplyDeleteExamples: If you just got an inheritance from an Uncle and the response from the other person is that he just sold his house because of a divorce - you feel that you're doing pretty good. On the flip side if you just lost your job and the other person responds that he just won the lottery, you don't feel that you are doing so well.
Eric Fromm stated that most conversations are trivial and not genuine, so I now believe that that airport worker has given me the perfect genuine response: I'm living the dream! (And, ... isn't that what we are all doing?).
Pascal said:
ReplyDelete"Lebanese fine society is a tough place to live in if you've got emphysema."
If you've got emphysema, anywhere is a tough place to live in. But it does improve if you can kick the smoking habit. You don't cough as much, and you have more money. And I wish I'd figured that out 40 years ago!
Depending on various variables (lol!), I would either respond, "Fine, thank you." to your posed question or...end it "...and you?" Some of us *do* actually want to know how someone is doing...and not [gasp] even for gossip fodder. Other times, I have heard: "Couldn't be better!," "Wonderful, thanks!," or "Awesome!"
ReplyDeleteIn general, I think it is just *something* to say, when encountering someone and possibly feeling uncomfortable not saying anything.
Incidentally, this just made me think of another thing: it could also be from where a person lives or has lived. There are places, in the U.S., that you do NOT want to even look each other in the eye...so I have been told. If I remember, correctly, that was said of N.Y. I have seen it in other cities where I think it is a *personal space* thing. People *block* people out due to...*over-saturation*(?) of people that they need to deal with on a daily basis.
Other places, people are as friendly as can be and LOVE to *bend your ear* as they say. So...some of it is cultural...and...even what gender you are.
When asking someone "How Are You Doing?" aren't you actually asking yourself in an indirect way "How Am I Doing?"
ReplyDelete(sigh) Oh, you know SO well what we Doctors have to go through at every chic soirée. THANK YOU!
"It is also helps one to collect 'stuff' for gossip if one is so inclined."
Nnaaah! Gossip doesn't exist, it's just an urban legend.
(Um, I mean... it would be, if there actually was anyone to spread urban legends!)
"I now believe that that airport worker has given me the perfect genuine response: I'm living the dream! (And, ... isn't that what we are all doing?)."
Life is a collective dream? Whoa! Dude, this is getting, like, heavily metaphysical.
Just wake up and smell the flowers, okay? Like, pieces on loaf, you know? (Or whatever. Too stoned to think straight.)
Ray helpfully offered...
"But it does improve if you can kick the smoking habit."
Me, I don't smoke. It's the pointless social banter habit I'm trying to kick. In the rump.
Sometimes I wish I had the leg strength of a mule...
TC [Girl] confessed in shame...
"and not [gasp] even for gossip fodder."
WHAT?!??! Sacrilege!
Not interested ALL THE TIME in gossip? Yo, you sure you're a woman, woman?
Definitely not a Lebanese woman, at any rate! Hum-umh! ;-)
"Other places, people are as friendly as can be and LOVE to *bend your ear* as they say."
Oh, great! Just great! Do you have any idea how long it took me to straighten it back the last time?
Just remembered. Sometimes, in Lebanon, one who wants to sound super-friendly to you (notably more than in reality, usually), will hail you with a "Where are you?"
ReplyDeleteWhich, of course, really means "where have you been? Missed you". Even if you last met the very same day. I never could manage to answer anything else than: "In front of you, I guess. But I could be wrong..."
Anonymous - Ray's right, you're not. And yes, in this instance Ray does "speak for all those people" because he actually knows what what he's talking about.
ReplyDeleteBack on topic, when I was growing up in Manchester the response was often Nicely or, occasionally, Gradely or Middlin' - even Fair t' middlin'. In rural Lancashire, Cumbria, Derbyshire and Yorkshire, you're still likely to come across all three.
I've always gone with OK, thanks, or Not bad.
Never come across "Thank you" though, not on its own.
Well, admittedly that's mostly used for pizza guys with rudimentary English at best. :-)
ReplyDeleteAnonymous - Ray's right, you're not. And yes, in this instance Ray does "speak for all those people" because he actually knows what what he's talking about.
ReplyDeleteEveryone will have noticed that you have not presented any evidence to support your assertion that Ray "knows what he's talking about." How does he? How would you know, especially since it's unlikely you know him personally. Even if you did, how does one person speak for a large group like that? You have no answers, and for some odd reason known only to you have decided to support one person's opinion over another's for no apparent reason at all.
I expect a typically brainless response from you, if I get one at all.
"how does one person speak for a large group like that?"
ReplyDeleteWhat, never seen a politician before?
How's THIS for a typically brainless response, if one at all?
:-)
I agree that one person can't speak for a large group. Ray being in his 70s means nothing as not all people that age are the same. I don't agree that older people just always talk about ailments, though, at least not in my experience. I have a 92 year old neighbour who hits the links seemingly every day. He has his health problems of course but is still able to get around and seems to still enjoy life.
ReplyDelete