Again it may just be a warped cliché I'm getting from movies and TV, but it seems many old people greatly resent being "sent to a home".
I wonder why. I've worked in a nursing home, and it seemed to me like you could do a hell of lot worse in your old age. Free room and board, protection and care 24/7, all the company you could want or not as the case may be. Frankly I can't think of many better options for a place to wind up if and when you can't take care of yourself anymore. Think of the burden you'd be to your family if they had to take care of you.
Pascal, MD, said:
It's true that there are good places and there are positively horrible ones. Just like orphanages, actually.
But the instinctive fear (or reluctance) toward retirement homes is near systematic in the elderly. Because typically, the elderly are stubborn, and they swear they'd rather die than have to leave their house and habits and "independence".
But some utterly DEPENDANT old folks can make life a daily hell for years for those they claim to love. I've seen grandparents make their children literally slave over them, over more than a decade, in the name of love. And in these parts, where flaunting family love is a social obligation and moral imperative, some capricious elders can become insanely demanding, well intending to fully cash in on the years of unconditional(!) love they gave. Like that diabetic woman who "just HAD" to be carried/dragged to the bathroom like a dead weight every hour at night, to pee just a few drops, because of course diapers were out of the question. Same woman constantly demanded (and got) meals that were completely contrary to the strict diet she should have followed. I still haven't figured out where Stupidium radiation ended and where senile dementia started. In crass uneducated Lebanese, the difference can be very subtle.
Naturally, in a nursing home, the staff only tends to your needs, they don't chew your food for you like sparrow parents for a cuckoo chick.
My last living grandmother, bless her soul, has made her children swear to place her in a home the day she becomes unable to care for herself. Her, she'd rather die than poison the lives of her children. Because she's had to care for her invalid husband for several years, and she would find it indignant to impose something like that herself.
Some elderly have a high sense of dignity. You gotta love that.
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After I've learned that most human fault comes from Fear, open or suppressed, many more things are explained. Like great fear of moving out of your home-for-decades. It may not be realized. Fear is so much more powerful when it's suppressed to the point of being wholly invisible.
Don't think that the home you saw and what we have here in the U.S. are the same, or even similar. Some are good, if you have lots of money, but if you don't, there are some truly awful places out there. My Dad, before he died, was more frightened of going to a 'home' then of dying.
ReplyDeleteHi we've recently established a new website www.whereforcare.co.uk which is a ratings and review website for carehomes- hopefully over time, people will be able to get a good idea of which homes in their area do provide good care, so if you have anyone who has experience of care homes, we would really appreciate their input!
ReplyDeleteIt's true that there are good places and there are positively horrible ones. Just like orphanages, actually.
ReplyDeleteBut the instinctive fear (or reluctance) toward retirement homes is near systematic in the elderly. Because typically, the elderly are stubborn, and they swear they'd rather die than have to leave their house and habits and "independance".
But some utterly DEPENDANT old folks can make life a daily hell for years for those they claim to love. I've seen grandparents make their children literally slave over them, over more than a decade, in the name of love. And in these parts, where flaunting family love is a social obligation and moral imperative, some capricious elders can become insanely demanding, well intending to fully cash in on the years of unconditional(!) love they gave. Like that diabetic woman who "just HAD" to be carried/dragged to the bathroom like a dead weight every hour at night, to pee just a few drops, because of course diapers were out of the question. Same woman constantly demanded (and got) meals that were completely contrary to the strict diet she should have followed. I still haven't figured out where Stupidium radiation ended and where senile dementia started. In crass uneducated Lebanese, the difference can bevery subtle.
Naturally, in a nursing home, the staff only tends to your needs, they don't chew your food for you like sparrow parents for a cuckoo chick. (Or Ace Ventura, a cuckoo GUY.)
My last living grandmother, bless her soul, has made her children swear to place her in a home the day she becomes unable to care for herself. Her, she'd rather die than poison the lives of her children. Because she's had to care for her invalid husband for several years, and she would find it indignant to impose something like that herself.
Some elderly have a high sense of dignity. You gotta love that.
Even if my Granny has a temper fouler than a pack of menopausal female wolverines. :-)
She'll be 88 by the end of the year. Still peppy and kicking like a Sicilian mule. And just as stubborn. But usually in a good way.
My aunt has worked in one of those homes for nearly 30 years. It is a government-run home. The good ones are the private, exceedingly expensive ones. The government run homes will provide barely adequate care if you're lucky. From what I've heard from anyone who works in the government-run ones you DO NOT want to end up there!
ReplyDeleteThat is the kind of home Grandpa Simpson lives in.
The Danish gov-run homes are good.
ReplyDeleteOf course Denmark has brutal taxes.
I guess it's worth it considering what they pay for. The homes in the U.S. are bad because we do not seem to want to pay higher taxes even if they paid for good stuff like that instead of just more tanks, etc.
ReplyDeleteIf you have a fault (gasp!) it's that you maybe sometimes forget the rest of world's countries are not as good as Denmark (though some are).
If only that was my worst fault! :-)
ReplyDeleteBut yes, I definitely have a hard time with that.
I have a limited life experience. I've spent all my life with my nose in books.