I don't get the indirectness in this world. Like, when two people meet in a club, probably what's on both their minds is whether they'll have sex, but sex is the last thing they're able to talk about.
It's not just that; I hear that when American businessmen do business with the Japanese, there's often trouble, because the Japanese will never say "no" directly. And of course the typical American has to be hit with a lead pipe before he'll understand a "no", so...
Today I talked to a guy, and he saw my tee-shirt saying: "Six foot four, handsome, and money too," and he told me about a tee he wore last night in town saying "masturbation is not a crime", and all the reactions that got.
Our thoughts and urges are to be kept in the shadows, my dear Eolake. Even in an environment where you'd think it should be okay to display them out in the open it is only considered right so long as it remains half-obscured. God can avert his eyes from that. The mini-skirt and low-cut top might raise his eyebrows but it's okay so long as the lady never says, "I want to fuck."
ReplyDeleteIn other cases the truth is considered impolite. "He doesn't have a shot in hell." "Don't tell him that! It'll break his heart! At least let him think he had a chance." This never made sense to me. It's done to avoid drama but all it actually does is postpone it. Furthermore, it wastes time each party could have used for other things. If there is a specific reason for your decision it seems wrong not to tell the other person or group, especially if it is something in dire need of improvement.
This is akin to answering "yes" when a lady asks you, "does this make me look fat?" Suddenly our propensity to tell lies and half-truths comes into perspective. People don't want to face reality and the people who have to decide what they'll say usually value keeping their balls attached to their groin over being truthful.
Hearkening back to my mention of God, we also believe we are sinful wretches and that there is something terribly wrong with us if we cause any kind of upset. This is conditioned into us at childhood when we receive unduly harsh punishments for breaking or questioning rules based on, "because I said so." It never makes any sense but we submit because these people are bigger than we are and if we want to survive we probably need to do what they say.
But as children we learn loopholes. We figure out there's a lot we can get away with so long as we don't explicitly state what we're doing. Sometimes it's because our authority figures don't catch on, other times it's because they are more concerned with the superficial value of their rules and thus will only punish overt violations of those laws. The brilliant aspect of this, however, lies not in how we rebel but in how we reach a point where we regulate ourselves. There's this feeling that we're doing something wrong and that we need to convince ourselves that it's okay and we can only do it by the same means we used to trick our parents or the school marm. Add irrational social stigmas to the mix and viola- you have insanity!
Me, I say what I want, not what I'm expected to say. When my girlfriend asks me if her arse looks big in some tight skirt, I'll her it does. If it makes her look like a whore, I'll tell her. I'm very fortunate in the sense that she appreciates this, and even more fortunate in the sense that she's not afraid to tell me when I'm making an arse out of myself.
ReplyDeleteHonesty is a good thing. People often mistake it for rudeness, but then people are stupid.
I don't like the implication that our Western ways are somehow inferior, that the Japanese and other Asians do things better. There's nothing wrong with wanting straight answers and not taking a century to make a deal or not.
ReplyDeleteI realize with my chinese friends: our traditions and ways may be different, but deep in our hearts we all feel in the same way.
ReplyDeleteBookshops are overflowing with titles like "How To Deal With [insert country] People".
In fact the Chinese never say "No" when negotiating, their way of negotiating is confusing to westerners.
"You mustn't take it all literally", said my chinese friend, when I was discussing a business issue with her husband, "it's just our way to negotiate."
Joe, I think if there is such an implication, it did not come from me.
ReplyDeleteThis:
ReplyDeleteAnd of course the typical American has to be hit with a lead pipe before he'll understand a "no", so...
seems to imply it. That is somehow inferior to want to deal plainly and directly instead of dealing with the kind of pointless ritual the Japanese like.
I think the way I wrote it, both ways are off-center.
ReplyDeleteThere's a happy medium between Donald Trump and the self-effacing Asian.
And of course many American's understand a "no" perfectly well.
And of course, judging from their success in many areas, certainly the Nipponese don't lack drive.
joe dick said: "That is somehow inferior to want to deal plainly and directly instead of dealing with the kind of pointless ritual the Japanese like."
ReplyDeleteYes, inferior in every meaning of the word, and with no possibility of being mistaken about it.
Keep in mind that the Japanese have no difficulty understanding those subtle expressions. It seems like a 'pointless ritual' (or any kind of ritual) only to the Americans. But what can you expect from a nation that is so fond of having adversaries that they have now run out of countries to alienate. This after being more or less constantly at war since WW2.
This may be a new concept to you but there are nuances in communication in between declaring another to be either with you or against you.
Indirectness, in fact, is not far from being a synonym to art!
And herein lies the answer as to why America invented pop culture: the rest of the world had art, which they couldn't understand, so they tried to create something similar, but at a level of simplicity and directness suitable for morons.
ROTFL.
ReplyDeleteI love that you attack a whole country for being overly direct, in one of the most blunt comments ever.
You're wasting your time there, Eolake. We all know TTL and subtlety have not even a nodding acquaintance. He seems to be under the impression, too, that I am American - and is under the mind-boggling delusion that Finland has ever contributed anything to world culture or knowledge. I feel sorry for the poor dullard.
ReplyDeleteEolake applauded: "I love that you attack a whole country for being overly direct, in one of the most blunt comments ever."
ReplyDeleteThank you very much. I knew you'd like it! ;-)
"You're wasting your time there, Eolake."
Isn't the captain supposed to be the last one to jump.
"... and is under the mind-boggling delusion that Finland has ever contributed anything to world culture or knowledge"
Well, ... we did bring you Tom of Finland! The leather pants and bulging crotches are no delusion Mr. Dick.
Well, ... we did bring you Tom of Finland! The leather pants and bulging crotches are no delusion Mr. Dick.
ReplyDeleteI stand corrected. That accomplishment alone would make any nation proud! ;-)