Senior Moments

Senior Moments
[Thanks to Mary]

Your partner says "lets go upstairs and make love" you reply "pick one,
I cant do both".

When I go upstairs my buttocks applaud me and and my knees sound like potato chips. - Joan Rivers

I dont need you to remind me of my age, I have a bladder to do that for me. - Stephen Fry

You know you are getting older when the candles cost more than the cake. - Bob Hope

Early signs of being past it:

You experience permanent jet lag, yet the last time you stepped on a plane was 5 years ago.

When you are on holiday your energy runs out before your money.

George Burns contributed many in the arena:
[Thanks to Povl]

• At my age flowers scare me.

• Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

• First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

• How can I die? I'm booked.

• I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

• I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides, I can't die now - I'm booked.

• I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.

• I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.

• I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere.

• If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it.

• If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.

• Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.

• When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

• You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.