What's a sophisticated insult? Pascal suggests "Go to the Wizard and request a brain". Perhaps it would be even better if it really required a familiarity with Oz, like: "comb your straw and go petition the wizard."
I was once treated exceedingly rudely by somebody on an otherwise very educated mailing list, so I said something like:
"I acknowledge and appreciate your input, pointed though it was, and humbly suggest that you take advantage of your next available vacation time by a protracted, if possible permanent, visit to the netherworld."
Dr. Pascal is indeed a sophisticated insultant. Oftentimes you don't even notice when it happens. You just feel strange. :-)
ReplyDeleteQuite the opposite from Captain Archibald, another favourite insultmeister of mine. No guesswork needed there.
"comb your straw and go petition the wizard."
ReplyDeleteThat doesn't require any greater familiarity. Mention straw and "the wizard" and people immediately think "Wizard of Oz." Few people who make the connection will have read the book, but even people who haven't seen the movie are aware of it.
Captain Haddock may not be subtle but he's got a style about him!
I like the straw-wizard suggestion. Or for someone who acts heartlessly cruel, "Oil'er up and visit the Wizard!" The need for familiarity might be a bit of what makes it work, but the second step of distance is, I think, the key to its wit and barb.
ReplyDelete"Mister Churchill, you're drunk!" said the socialite.
"Yes, madam, and you are ugly. But tomorrow I will be sober."
That sort of thing.
More:
An author to a reviewer: "I am sitting in the smallest room in my house. Your review is in front of me. Soon it will be behind me."
How about, "I keep it in the bathroom. But not for reading."
ReplyDeleteHmm... maybe it's time they read the Marching Morons by Cornbluth. It's vacation time for you. ;o)
ReplyDeleteAfter a few of his plays had not performed very well on the stage, Noel Coward simply acted in one rather write, direct, produce and probably nip across the road to the cafe for the bacon sandwiches. After the opening night a snide reviewer said: "Well Mr Coward, I've always said that you acted better than you wrote."
ReplyDelete"And I've always said the same about you dear boy!"
My Grandfather's favourite curse: "May his rabbits die!"
..."a protracted, if possible permanent, visit to the netherworld."
ReplyDeleteIt's funny, I'm currently replaying the classically atmospheric PS game Swagman (awesome Halloweenish soundtrack!). A brother and sister fight a sinister simili-boogeyman who's planning to plunge the whole world into permanent nightmarish sleep, and on their adventure the kids make regular trips into the Netherworld, Limbo and the Dreamscape. Watch your steps, children!...
Instead of humbly, I would've said "cordially suggest", big E.
Always make it sound heartfelt. :-)
Cpt Haddock leaves little room for hesitation when he insults, but I'm a huge fan of his. Including in daily life.
I myself often feel strange after talking about myself. Like "um... what exactly did I just say right there?". :-)
Where I live, outside english-speaking countries, the Wizard of Oz, is shamefully little-known. From my perspective, a WoZ reference is cultivated.
"The steed and the night and the wilderness know about me,
And so do the sword, the spear, the paper and the pencil."
Now, in Lebanon, THAT is a classic reference. The great poet Al-Mutanabbi.
Or, a reference to the tales of Geha, the stupidest man who ever lived.
Not forgetting world-famous Gibran K. Gibran.
"May his rabbits die!"
Oy! Please don't mention this one to my grandma. Decades ago, she once bought a superbly virile male rabbit for her female in order to breed them. Some 15 minutes later, she heard squeals, and rushed in to find out the newlywed wife had EATEN the male's gonads! No fib!
Women.
That hapless male tasted very good once out of the pot, I can tell you that. But what a hare-raising story.
"Yes, madam, and you are ugly. But tomorrow I will be sober."
T.U.R.N.E.D.! Toppled Under Roaring Nyahaha Ending Discussion! :-D
Some 15 minutes later, she heard squeals, and rushed in to find out the newlywed wife had EATEN the male's gonads! No fib!
ReplyDeleteWomen.
Sometimes they eat your heart as well leaving nothing but small traces of blood on the floor.
I may be well out on a limb here, Terry, but I sometimes get the feeling you have had your troubles with matters of the heart.
ReplyDeleteMaybe we should just call Terry "Gil" from now on
ReplyDelete"the wolf's at ol' Gil's door"
Well, at least women are slightly better than lethifolds and manticores, who never leave a single trace when they devour you.
ReplyDeleteMakes the Aurors' work so much more complicated. ;-)
Your call is very important to us. Please hold.
ReplyDeleteHehehe.
ReplyDelete