Friday, March 31, 2006

Abby Ray in memorandum

The UK, even more than the US, is currently in the throes of a hysterical, mindless fear of paedophiles. For instance, London is erecting signs telling people to be on the lookout for people photograhing children in public! Many, many photographers have been stopped by security guards or the police on groundless suspicion, and many more have stopped photographing in public for fear of this.

Perhaps the needle will swing the other way now this Big Fear has cost a life...
Two year old Abby Ray recently got lost and drowned in a pond.
Van driver Clive Peachey saw the toddler walking around alone, but did not dare stop and do something, out of fear of being seen as a child abductor...

[As a note, child abuse is a real problem, but it is overwhelmingly happening between family members. This fear of strangers is misdirected.]

Comment by Zeppelina:
"There is way too much mass hysteria going on around this subject.
It`s getting so that children are to be avoided at all costs.
There are many works of Art,painting, illustration and photography, which would not be possible today under the current hysteria.
I saw a young couple pleading with department store management 2 Xmas`s ago, because the store would not allow children to sit on Santas knee.
The store, quite rightly, was not prepared to run the risk of perhaps attracting unwanted media attention, or run the risk of possible accusation.
I heard also of an incident where parents were not allowed to photograph or film their children in the school play, because they would obviously be filming other parents children in the play too.
What bizarre nonsense.
A few years back, I saw some rather startling government statistics which said that most cases of harm, be it violent or sexual, actually occur in the home, or family, and not by strangers, as the media would have everyone believe.
Yes, there are evil and vicious people out there, but probably no more or no less than there ever were.
The media has just become more skilled in making people think that there are more, and that they are behind every lampost, or in every doorway."

(Back to myself)
... And have anybody considered the cost for the children? The lack of affection? What does it say to a child when everybody is afraid of giving him a hug?

Wonko commented:
"And television adverts, such as those on behalf of the NSPCC are not helping the hysteria. I do not for one moment wish to belittle or cast aspersions on the very important work such charities do for genuine cases of child abuse. However, their recent adverts are little more than panic mongering, and ultimately do themselves a disservice.
I have been involved with Scouting for most of my life. One of the most pressing problems facing the movement today is a huge shortfall in adults prepared to help run Groups, either as helpers or uniformed leaders. People are frightened that they will be branded perverts for wanting to be around "little boys" (not forgetting that Scouting in the UK has been co-educational for over fifteen years). The media do not help this attitude either. I've certainly had to correct this gross misconception with numerous friends and colleagues. Any adult helping or accompanying youngsters on a Scouting event or activity must submit themselves to a CRB check, before they take part in any event. This is one of the reasons Thomas Hamilton had a gruge against the Scout Association, because he tried and failed on at least three occasions to become a Scout Leader - having previously been thrown out of the movement for inappropriate behaviour - and was rejected each time because his CRB check and internal check results gave cause for concern. Scout Leaders and Adult helpers are now issued with a 'Child Protection' card when they join. It should more accurately be called 'Adult Protection' because the measures on it are designed to prevent an adult being put into circumstances where doubts could be raised over their conduct. For example; an adult should always stay within sight and if possible earshot of another adult when talking with a youngster on a one to one basis, and should never touch them no matter how innocent the intention. These are of course sensible precautions, but it is a sad reflection on our society that it has become necessary to implement them.
As usual, because some people misbehave the whole of society finds itself subject to intense scrutiny and suspicion, instead of dealing appropriately with the actual miscreants."

Zepplina later added:
"I remember there used to be a swing park where I grew up, and occasionaly old men or old women would sit on the benches and watch the children play.
They were always very kindly old souls, and didn`t bother anyone. My mum said that it was a good thing, as old people liked to watch children play, it reminded them of their own happy times in life, and that was only right.
They`d probably be reported now for just sitting watching.
There`s a sort of dark lynch mob mentality now which is more than a little scary, and the media, keen to maintain their ratings positions, will pour paraffin on the flames at any opportunity.
We seem to live in a world now where people are told to be afraid, of child molestors, of drugs, of muggers, illegal immigrants, terrorists, of eating eggs or bread, or whatever the latest fear craze is. Everything is about negativity and fear.
It`s as if they think that the population, the community, can only be united if we are all jointly scared together, united in one giant fear.
Just imagine if they could turn that around, and give us all something really positive to unite the community.
Life would be so much better."

7 comments:

  1. There is way too much mass hysteria going on around this subject.

    It`s getting so that children are to be avoided at all costs.

    There are many works of Art,painting, illustration and photography, which would not be possible today under the current hysteria.

    I saw a young couple pleading with department store management 2 Xmas`s ago, because the store would not allow children to sit on Santas knee.
    The store, quite rightly, was not prepared to run the risk of perhaps attracting unwanted media attention, or run the risk of possible accusation.
    I heard also of an incident where parents were not allowed to photograph or film their children in the school play, because they would obviously be filming other parents children in the play too.
    What bizarre nonsense.

    A few years back, I saw some rather startling government statistics which said that most cases of harm, be it violent or sexual, actually occur in the home, or family, and not by strangers, as the media would have everyone believe.

    Yes, there are evil and vicious people out there, but probably no more or no less than there ever were.
    The media has just become more skilled in making people think that there are more, and that they are behind every lampost, or in every doorway.

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  2. You are right it is crazy. Especially when they promote beauty pageants for little girls. I went to visit a neighbor and she was watching a show about the pageants. It showed them dressing as Vegas show girls. Mothers would be reminding daughters to shake their ass. These were little girls around 7. A girlfriends daughter was 12 and going to a school dance. I was shocked when we went to pick her up. Most of the girls looked more like hookers than someone’s little girl. I have spoken with several older women. Then are discussed at the whinny people today. They all said the same thing. They all knew someone, when they were growing up that they avoided. Someone who's hugs did not feel right or put pat them the wrong way. It did not hurt them or make them any less of a person. Actually it made them better than today’s society. They took care of themselves and avoided those people who did things they did not like. They did not use it as an excuse to be a failure and a burden in life. PLEASE note I am not talking about the poor children who where actually hurt. I am talking about the majority than just wine and use it as an excuse. SO, someone kissed or touched you. BIG deal. I have had that done to me as a kid. I feel asleep on the bus. I was traveling to see my dad. I woke up when some older guy was rubbing my crotch. So I punched him in his crotch. I have heard so much from people about how so many kids, lawyers, and ex (wives or husbands) use the threat of child abuse to get what they want. I have heard many stories from people that this has happened to or who work with people this happen to. One man lost is job and family because a 12 year boy was angry at him. After the man lost everything the boy admitted he lied. Another man’s daughter in-law was angry at him and turned him in. It was only after he was in jail that she admitted she lied because she was mad. She did not believe he would be put in jail. They refused to let him out or drop the charges. A very good friend was threatened by his wife’s lawyer. If he did not agree to all the conditions of the divorce she asked for, he would be charged with child abuse. He was then told that by the time he cleared his name he would have lost everything. Another friend (A) was trying to help another friend (B) accused of touching a kid. The police made false statements that B raped A. They did not have enough to make a case on the kid touching. When A found out the police had lied, she tried to testify that B had not raped her. That they had been friends for many years. The DA told her if she helped B in any way she would have her own children take from her and she would be put in jail.

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  3. Think you have to be really careful here, Anon.

    It is important that any child who has been kissed / fondled / touched in an improper way should be able to tell someone, and have the situation thoroughly investigated.

    No-one, especially a child, should have to live with the memory of an improper act happening to them.
    There are a lot of adults out there who suffered emotional damage for years without being able to discuss a childhood event.
    I certainly wouldn`t call it "whining".

    However, what we were really saying is that hysteria has now reached a situation where adults are scared to show normal affection to a child, and that it must be so difficult for people who work with children.

    As Wonko said, people who want to work with children in a guidance capacity are now viewed with suspicion. All because other people think that the only possible reason anyone would work with kids nowadays is if there is something deeply, darkly wrong with them.
    This is very sad, and , of course, not true.

    Because of a very small minority in the population, and the subsequent media hype, children are perhaps not being allowed a normal childhood.

    I agree with wonko about life involving a degree of risk. I watched a documentary about how parents pass on their fears and cautions to their children, and how this caution continues and affects the childs` life.
    If this is true, are we going to have an increasingly scared and cautious population in the future?

    I also agree with you Wonko, on the subject of individual freedoms and civil rights being removed on an almost daily basis just now.
    It`s appaulling.

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  4. Hello zeppellina, you are correct! They need to tell someone. I did not state my thoughts correctly. My mistake was speaking in broader terms. This line of thought was only about children. I was talking about the full spectrum of how the public mania has pushed the legal system, which is really ONLY a business, into doing a witch hunt. I worked at the county and we all went to sexual harassment awareness. There I saw how out of whack the system is now. One of their examples. “If as you come to work everyday, you say hello to the receptionist. She can legally file harassment suite against you. Stating she never wanted to say hello back to you, but felt she had to.” A very good friend of mine, who also worked there, came into my office crying. She asked for a hug. My office had two doors and was divided in half by wall to wall cabinets that almost touch the ceiling. A woman was on the other side had heard the request. She never saw me hug my friend only heard hear say thank you as she left a minute later. She tried to file sexual harassment charges against me, because she had a problem with the thought of two people hugging. My boss was put on report because he did not reprimand me. Also because, a female friend of his, jokingly made a comment about him crawling on all fours. Then she shouted yehaw. He was fixing the wiring and junction box was under the desk and at the floor. Another woman walking by filed charges against him. Even though he did not hear most of what was said. I quit after another women was going to file against me because she thought I had looked at another women’s ass as she was walking down the hall. What saved me was I was talking to my boss at that moment. I was looking him in the eye the whole time. I ask her to stand where I was standing. Once she stood where I was standing she notice I could not have seen the other woman through my boss. He was a big man. So yes I agree, if it is real, then, YES tell someone. But not every charge has any basis in truth or fact. Sorry for sounding callous on this subject. I have talked with several people who work these cases, it really OPENED my eyes.

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  5. I'm getting tired of how straitjacketed we're becoming, due to all sorts of different reasons: if this keeps up, will we only be allowed to sit in a chair all day and stare out in front of us?

    Ok, perhaps slightly harsh if one doesn't understand my train of thought:
    - Censoring everywhere
    - Google being censored in China
    - The word "breast" apparently gets bleeped out on tv in America now
    - Can't touch each other
    - Someone successfully sued Apple because the iPod damaged their hearing

    Plus I saw

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  6. Air New Zealand, the national carrier out here has said and has carried out a policy of no male adults setting next to children on any of its flights. There has never been a case of child abuse on any of its flights but they say they are just taking precautions. Some gentleman have been asked to move to another seat after they have sat down because they were not aware of children being in the seat next to theirs when they made the booking. One gentleman found this quite embarrassing to say the least being looked at by a plane load of people when he got told to move by the planes staff. No wonder we are having problems getting male teachers with this sort of carry on.

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  7. I am male, happily married with 2 adult children of my own. I am, after forty years teaching, retired.and spent most of that time with 11 to 13 yr olds. When I first started we were all told to "treat the children like calm judicious parents". I remembered that through my whole career so my students all, girl or boy, got what was required at the time, be it a reproof for poor work or behaviour, or a hug to reward or comfort. (For some that was the only parenting, guidance or comfort they received.)
    It was always done in full view of the class even after the hysterics were in full cry. Other than a Principal who warned me that he would say YES if asked if I'd ever "touched" a child.
    In all that time I never got one complaint from child or parent and had good rapport with both age groups.
    Of course there are people out there that use "working with children" as an entry to their form of sexual release, but to put ALL the good apples into the same basket as the bad is not the way to go.
    Leave the "calm judicious parent" in place and have a more rigorous investigation of those who would work with children including if necessary pshycological testing. The thought of that alone might very well deter the predators.
    As someone said earlier we should concentrate on the positives and what would be more positive than children being surrounded by a host of "calm judicious parents" that they can rely on for advice, praise, guidance and comfort.
    Here is an example of the hysteria surrounding children.
    When my first grandson was two or three years old he didn't like having his hair washed and screamed bloody murder whenever it happened. My daughter in law to prevent some one calling social services when hearing the boy's blood curdling screams used to visit her neighbours prior to the event and advise them that it was hair washing time.

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